EzziePup

Thanks for sharing Camille this is a rough ride so far, but I keep telling myself "if your not gonna do it for you, do it for your girls" and so far it's helped me avoid temptation. My husband is not a drinker at all. Maybe a beer or 2 on new years, so I can see why he doesn't fully understand what I am dealing with. I'm trying to keep myself occupied right now, avoiding things I associate drinking with. One of those things is housework. Earphones in, beer in hand, all while cleaning..so I'm afraid hubby will have to pitch in on the cleaning for awhile! Straightening my hair last nite was a nightmare. I always grab 4 or 5 beers and my smokes while my Straightener is heating up, so last night I filled my big beer glass with tea, the hand to mouth motion eased the tension a little. But I do have to say it was nice not having to rely on mint gum before work to help with the beer breath, and ill save on eye drops too, no more bloodshot eyes! I realize the good definitely outweighs the bad, but I'm struggling with the withdrawals. I'm hoping my doctor can help with that. I used to be an avid scrapbooker, but I lost my passion for it due to my passion of getting drunk. I'm thinking about picking that up again!

Tigger41

EzziePup - Hang in there I'm routing for you. Your poor body is going through detox and that's so hard - to feel worse before you feel better.

It's a good thing that your husband doesn't drink and I'm happy for you for that.

Please stay sober - glad you're going to the doctor. I'm on Antabuse and it stops me when I'm weak.

I'm thinking about you.

Tuite

Welcome and im glad you are doing this partly for your kids but donet forget that you need to do it for YOU.You have to want it and it sounds like you do. If I can get sober you can to. This program works, one day at a time. I truly hope you can be a success story. We all can be and I hope you know that even if your husband is not proud we are, all of us. Though I have not met you, I love you. I will pray for you. I would say "Good Luck" but luck has nothing to do with it. You do. You can change this, but remember it did not start in 1 day so it will take time, and work. You can do this!

EzziePup

Thanks tigger I too am glad he doesn't drink...I won't have to worry about alcohol being in the house at all. I think I'm going to go to my moms for the afternoon so I'm not here by myself. My appointment with doc isn't for 6 more hours. Although my puppy has been keeping me extra company this morning. I think she knows mommy doesn't feel good, she has been laying in my lap since I got home

overthis

Way to go Ezzie! Good for you for getting to the doctor. I am on day 3 and my husband sounds kinda like yours. He just doesn't know how to help, yet. We can do this without their support until they hopefully catch up! We can do this!

EzziePup

Back from the doctor...whew that was an emotional visit. Will find out blood test for liver function, cholesterol etc soon. He said my liver felt enlarged but not horribly. He put me on Valium and a multi vitamin called stresstabs. He said those would help protect my liver plus make me feel better. I am expecting a phone call from a very good rehab center tomorrow. He said they have a wonderful outpatient program. If I do inpatient I will lose my job he has been my doctor since the day he delivered me, he is very personal and super easy to talk to. He told me how proud he is of me for not only making the decision but for taking action too. He even gave me his cell number if I needed extra support after hours. So..I'm still nervous and scared a little, but feeling proud of myself...I'm only 3 hours and 26 minutes from being 48 hours sober!

suki44883

What a wonderful doctor you have!! I'm glad you talked to him and I'm sure you feel a lot better now, too, at least mentally. Withdrawal isn't fun, but you can get through it and know that you never have to go through it again!

overthis

Way to go, EzziePup! You should be proud of yourself and how awesome it is that you have a doctor who actually cares! I love your avatar btw, too cute!

EzziePup

I do feel alot better emotionally now indeed! I'm gonna beat this alcoholism...for my Kung Fu is strong HAHA! I just had to get some humor in there...I've been so down these past couple of days

EzziePup

Thanks overthis...my puppy and kitty just love each other

brianbeer

Hey Ezziepup, welcome to sr, im new too. Im on day 5, im lucky because i dont get the sweats or pains too bad.

My family have asked me so many times to quit drinking, last month i was off drink for 4 days, there was a family occasion and we all went out for a meal, i was craving a drink but I was fighting it and trying to get through the day, nearly everybody asked me was i having a drink, did i want a drink, was i not drinking because i had to drive. I got so p**sed off that i just walked out - i couldnt not understand why there was such an interogation. I confronted my mother about it afterwards, she said its ok to have a drink at a social occasion but not for me to drink alone at home all the time.

I understand now what it was about, but basically no-one understands what its like for people like me and you (alcoholics). we cant just have one drink.

I think your partner is the same, he doesnt understand, try talk to him. I hope this helps.Brian

wpainterw

Ezziepup: I really admire your guts! I don't necessarily approve of the risk you're taking by not going to a doctor immediately, whether or not this means the ER, but I really admire the way you are hanging in there. You must want sobriety real bad and you deserve it. Give yourself (and your family) the greatest gift of all. I'm proud of my sobriety but you know it took forty years for me to really come to my senses. I'm not particularly proud of that but as the family prodigal son I finally came in out of the cold. And you're taking that big step now! After the dust settles, try to get with some kind of group with other recovering alcoholics, AA or some other program. I found it was better that way. That was the key to long term recovery as far as I was concerned.
Forget about the house cleaning for a little while why not?

W.

EzziePup

My mom told me today to use my bullheadedness against the drinking instead of being bullheaded to the people wanting me to stop...I thought...that's a good idea! I am a very bullheaded person, not gonna lie, might as well use it to my advantage...and Brian I agree with you...we can't just have one. The only goal I have when I have a beer in my hand is to get plowed...I am officially 48 hours sober and I'm sitting here with a bottle of water reading a book! Kinda sucks cuz I should be asleep cuz of work, but I'm still working on the insomnia, hoping that reading will calm my mind. Plus I also realized 5 hours of sleep sober feels way better than 5 hours of passing out drunk sleep

EzziePup

So this weekend has been HARD...this is normally when I binge Friday to Sunday...kids are at their dads and weekend off. Friday was horrible, but last night I went out to dinner with my family and then went to see a movie. Dinner...OMG I thought I was going to die! We were all sitting around the table at olive garden...the waiter came to take our drink orders...dad first, ordered a tallboy brew, then my brother, his wife, my brother in law, my sister, then it came to mom...she looked at me(normally would've ordered a beer as well) and ordered an ice water with lemon, then it was my turn. I felt tears welling up...I wanted was beer so bad, just one...so I swallowed the lump in my throat and ordered an ice water with lemon. My mom has been so supportive and has told me how proud she is of me. I saw her start welling up and she excused herself to the restroom. After about 10 minutes went to check on her and she was sitting in there crying. She told me she fully understands now my strength in this. But dinner was still so hard, seeing everyone enjoying their drinks...but on the FLIPSIDE...the movie was fantastic! I think making it thru this weekend like I did, I know I can make it all the way. I have a phone consultation with the rehab center tomorrow. I thought I could do it without the rehab thing, but last night I thought I was going to have a breakdown, so I'm making this phone call tomorrow for sure. But as of 10 o'clock tonite...I will be 1 week sober! Hope you all had a great weekend

tanja

Ezzie, Congratulations on a week! Congratulations on not drinking at Olive Garden. You are stronger than you realize The outpatient treatment sounds like a good recovery plan. You are doing great.

EzziePup

Thank you Tanja i shock myself in this...alcohol is my weakness. I think the main source of my strength is my kids. They are so happy! I bought a case of diet coke Friday and my 7 year old said "mommy what kind of beer is that"...I said its pop silly girl! Then my oldest who is almost 12 said YOUR NOT DRINKING BEER?! I said nope! So then I got a knocked over with a huge 3 kid pile up hug LOL! Love em so much but I must say the Valium is helping with the anxiety so much. I'm hoping I can get off of it in a month when I go for my check up. Still waiting on the bloodwork results. I hope that everything is ok...by the way tanja what a beautiful dog!

InParticular

EP and Camille, welcome and good for you for taking control of your lives and your health! It will all get easier and better and will start to make sense as you go along. This can be a wonderful journey of self-discovery, it really can be. It has been for me, day 23. Just stick with it, we are all with you and you are SO worth it!

Also you will be challenged with many drinking situations but they get easier as you realize that the world DOES NOT STOP when you stop drinking! Promise

Nikoneer

WOW! A very touching story Ezzie! What inner strength you have! Thank you for sharing and being such a good example. I have no doubt of your success in this as committed as you are. I'm going to try and remember YOUR strength as I move forward with my own issues. It still just amazes me how we all build upon the success of those that go before us and with us to climb the next step on the ladder to our own success.

Thanks again for sharing.

sissy07

Ezzie,

After I read your post about last night at Olive Garden I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.....bless you. I know it was difficult. I am so proud of you - and congratulations on one week! Stay strong.

Dee74

3 kid pile up hugs are awesome - its hard, I know, but you're doing the right thing Ezzie
Congratulations on your week

D