ventura47

This is day four of being sober after a constant year of drinking. I think one reason I drink is the old adage "liquid courage" I have never been able to stand up for myself, even as a child I was pushed around by another girl that was even smaller than I. For me drinking did help. But sometimes I would take it overboard and be a downright "B" . Thats just one part of my drinking. But now I have one in paticular thing I have to do tomorrow. I recenlty was let go after a few weeks working as a catering cook. I was told it was because they had no hours for me and were sorry, they would keep me in mind. The head chef, a bit of a wack job herself" told me that I just did not have the skills. Deep inside I fear it might be the couple times I drank on the job and they may have smelled the alcohol, but no one ever said anything to me, I know it was wrong, I drank because I was nervous about the job, habit, thought I could get away with it, made be a better worker, I dont know. I talked the owner into giving me a chance to show them what I could do, she agreed and on the day I was to show up she texted me not to come in. Said they had some venue come up. I was ok with that, I called and emailed her for the last two weeks with no reply. One reason is because they have my Steel, very expensive, I left there. My shame and fear of being confronted by them has kept me from getting it. But when I got sober I knew I had to. I finally got them to respond and tomorrow I have to go there and pick it up. But you know, this sight has helped me not to be as ashamed.

Wish me luck, first step of many

CaiHong

Hi Ventura,

Thanks for posting, I could really relate to what you wrote. The fear intermingled with the shame. Good on you for making that call and arranging to get your equipment back.

I am really beginning to realize I have a real fear of people. I had never articulated this before and a lot of my actions were/are ruled by this fear. Being sober I can see this and am able to do something about it. Being aware of it is the first step.

You are going to love being sober. Do you have any support other than this forum?

Congrats on the 4 days.

All the best
CaiHong

Dee74

Congratulations on day 4

I was never able to stand up for myself either - the work I've done on myself since I've gotten sober has really helped me with issues like that tho...I hope you'll find the same, more and more

D

LaFemme

Congratulations on day 4 and facing your fears. Getting sober has allowed me to not only face my fears but go out and slay them. The trick is to start with the small fears and work your way up to the big ones.

When I got sober it was enough to face my fear of getting out of bed in the morning. Today I signed up for an acting class...not becUse I want to be an actor (he'll no!) but becUse public speaking terrifies me!

Dee74

to avoid confusion, there's actually another thread on this topic here:

please feel free to share on that one

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rontation.html

D