ventura47

This is day four of being sober after a constant year of drinking. I think one reason I drink is the old adage "liquid courage" I have never been able to stand up for myself, even as a child I was pushed around by another girl that was even smaller than I. For me drinking did help. But sometimes I would take it overboard and be a downright "B" . Thats just one part of my drinking. But now I have one in paticular thing I have to do tomorrow. I recenlty was let go after a few weeks working as a catering cook. I was told it was because they had no hours for me and were sorry, they would keep me in mind. The head chef, a bit of a wack job herself" told me that I just did not have the skills. Deep inside I fear it might be the couple times I drank on the job and they may have smelled the alcohol, but no one ever said anything to me, I know it was wrong, I drank because I was nervous about the job, habit, thought I could get away with it, made be a better worker, I dont know. I talked the owner into giving me a chance to show them what I could do, she agreed and on the day I was to show up she texted me not to come in. Said they had some venue come up. I was ok with that, I called and emailed her for the last two weeks with no reply. One reason is because they have my Steel, very expensive, I left there. My shame and fear of being confronted by them has kept me from getting it. But when I got sober I knew I had to. I finally got them to respond and tomorrow I have to go there and pick it up. But you know, this sight has helped me not to be as ashamed.

Wish me luck, first step of many