My Faithlessness: The atheist way through AA
My Faithlessness: The atheist way through AA
This caught my eye while perusing the CNN website this afternoon...
Originally Posted by Marya Hornbacher
Kicked back with his boots on the table at the head of the smoke-dense room, the meeting's leader banged his fist and bellowed, “By the grace of this program and the blood of Jesus Christ, I’m sober today!”
I blinked.
This was not an auspicious beginning for the project of getting my vaguely atheistic, very alcoholic self off the sauce.
I wondered if perhaps I’d wandered into the wrong room. I thought maybe I’d wound up in Alcoholics Anonymous for crown-of-thorn Christians, and in the next room might find AA for lapsed Catholics, and downstairs a group for AA Hare Krishnas and one for AA Ukrainian Jews.
But a decade later, I’ve become aware that 12-step programs are home to people from every religion, denomination, sect, cult, political tilt, gender identity, sexual preference, economic strata, racial and ethnic background, believers in gun rights and abortion rights and the right to home schooling, drinkers of coffee and tea, whiskey and mouthwash, people who sleep on their sides or their stomachs or sidewalks.
Anyone who cares to sober up, in other words, can give it a shot the 12-step way. The official preamble Alcoholics Anonymous states: "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.”
And millions of people want that and find a way to do it in this program. I’m one of them. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, a raging drunk. Now I’m not.
It wasn’t magic; it was brutally hard work to get from point A to B. I do believe I’d be dead without the help of the people and the structure of the steps in AA.
But I don’t believe in God.
And this can be something of a sticking point when you’re sitting in a meeting room, desperate for almost any route out of hell, and someone cites “the blood of Jesus” as the only way to go. Or when you realize that six of AA's 12 steps explicitly refer to God, a Higher Power, or He.
But this shouldn't be a deal breaker. I’m going to make a lot of old-style AA’s cranky with this, but it’s perfectly possible to sober up, sans belief in God.
At first that wasn’t clear to me. It’s unclear to most people because AA has a reputation as a cult, a religion unto itself, a bunch of blathering self-helpers, a herd of lemmings, or morons, and it isn’t those things either. It’s a pretty straightforward series of steps, based on spiritual principles, that helps people clean up their lives in a whole lot of ways.
But if you are of an atheistic or strongly agnostic mindset, chances are you’ll walk into a meeting, see the steps hanging on the wall, and want to scream, laugh, or walk back out.
I tried another tack: I made a valiant attempt to believe. I figured a) these people were funny, kind, and not plastered; b) they believed that some kind of higher power had helped them get sober; c) they knew something I did not.
So I did research. I read every word of AA literature I could find. I read up on the history of half a dozen important religions and a wide variety of frou-frou nonsense. I earnestly discussed my lack of belief with priests, rabbis, fanatics and my father.
People told me their stories — of God, the divine, the power of love, an intelligent creator. Something that made all this. Some origin, some end.
I told them I believed in math. Chaos, I said. Infinity. That sort of thing.
They looked at me in despair.
And not infrequently, they said, “So you think you’re the biggest, most important thing in the universe?”
On the contrary. I think I am among the smallest. Cosmically speaking, I barely exist.
Like anything else, I came into being by the chance, consist mostly of water, am composed of cells that can be reduced and reduced, down to the quarks and leptons and so forth, that make up matter and force. If you broke down all matter, the atom or my body, you’d arrive at the same thing: what scientists call one strange quark, with its half-integer spin.
And I find that not only fascinating, but wondrous, awe-inspiring, and humbling.
I believe that the most important spiritual principle of AA is humility. The recognition that we are flawed, that we can and must change and that our purpose not only in sobriety but in life is to be of service to others.
I believe that I exist at random, but I do not exist alone; and that as long as my quarks cohere, my entire function on this hurtling planet is to give what I can to the other extant things.
That keeps me sober. Amen
Editor's note: Marya Hornbacher's latest book "Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power" explores what spirituality can mean to the recovering person who does not believe in God.
I blinked.
This was not an auspicious beginning for the project of getting my vaguely atheistic, very alcoholic self off the sauce.
I wondered if perhaps I’d wandered into the wrong room. I thought maybe I’d wound up in Alcoholics Anonymous for crown-of-thorn Christians, and in the next room might find AA for lapsed Catholics, and downstairs a group for AA Hare Krishnas and one for AA Ukrainian Jews.
But a decade later, I’ve become aware that 12-step programs are home to people from every religion, denomination, sect, cult, political tilt, gender identity, sexual preference, economic strata, racial and ethnic background, believers in gun rights and abortion rights and the right to home schooling, drinkers of coffee and tea, whiskey and mouthwash, people who sleep on their sides or their stomachs or sidewalks.
Anyone who cares to sober up, in other words, can give it a shot the 12-step way. The official preamble Alcoholics Anonymous states: "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.”
And millions of people want that and find a way to do it in this program. I’m one of them. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, a raging drunk. Now I’m not.
It wasn’t magic; it was brutally hard work to get from point A to B. I do believe I’d be dead without the help of the people and the structure of the steps in AA.
But I don’t believe in God.
And this can be something of a sticking point when you’re sitting in a meeting room, desperate for almost any route out of hell, and someone cites “the blood of Jesus” as the only way to go. Or when you realize that six of AA's 12 steps explicitly refer to God, a Higher Power, or He.
But this shouldn't be a deal breaker. I’m going to make a lot of old-style AA’s cranky with this, but it’s perfectly possible to sober up, sans belief in God.
At first that wasn’t clear to me. It’s unclear to most people because AA has a reputation as a cult, a religion unto itself, a bunch of blathering self-helpers, a herd of lemmings, or morons, and it isn’t those things either. It’s a pretty straightforward series of steps, based on spiritual principles, that helps people clean up their lives in a whole lot of ways.
But if you are of an atheistic or strongly agnostic mindset, chances are you’ll walk into a meeting, see the steps hanging on the wall, and want to scream, laugh, or walk back out.
I tried another tack: I made a valiant attempt to believe. I figured a) these people were funny, kind, and not plastered; b) they believed that some kind of higher power had helped them get sober; c) they knew something I did not.
So I did research. I read every word of AA literature I could find. I read up on the history of half a dozen important religions and a wide variety of frou-frou nonsense. I earnestly discussed my lack of belief with priests, rabbis, fanatics and my father.
People told me their stories — of God, the divine, the power of love, an intelligent creator. Something that made all this. Some origin, some end.
I told them I believed in math. Chaos, I said. Infinity. That sort of thing.
They looked at me in despair.
And not infrequently, they said, “So you think you’re the biggest, most important thing in the universe?”
On the contrary. I think I am among the smallest. Cosmically speaking, I barely exist.
Like anything else, I came into being by the chance, consist mostly of water, am composed of cells that can be reduced and reduced, down to the quarks and leptons and so forth, that make up matter and force. If you broke down all matter, the atom or my body, you’d arrive at the same thing: what scientists call one strange quark, with its half-integer spin.
And I find that not only fascinating, but wondrous, awe-inspiring, and humbling.
I believe that the most important spiritual principle of AA is humility. The recognition that we are flawed, that we can and must change and that our purpose not only in sobriety but in life is to be of service to others.
I believe that I exist at random, but I do not exist alone; and that as long as my quarks cohere, my entire function on this hurtling planet is to give what I can to the other extant things.
That keeps me sober. Amen
Editor's note: Marya Hornbacher's latest book "Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power" explores what spirituality can mean to the recovering person who does not believe in God.
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Great article. My personal experience is that secular beliefs are not well received at all in the rooms. I think it's great that the author was involved with folks who actually adhered to the basic principles. Thanks for sharing.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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I did like this:
And not infrequently, they said, “So you think you’re the biggest, most important thing in the universe?” On the contrary. I think I am among the smallest. Cosmically speaking, I barely exist.
Loved the article, thanks for sharing it with us. I liked that the writer had an open enough mind to still pursue AA seeing the underlying principles work.
The few meetings that I have been able to attend I have found myself petty and nitpicking, I can see that in myself, I don't like it but I am aware of it and I hope that by following the steps in my recovery that part of me will disolve. I am grateful that I can see this as my negative and will not stop me from attending meetings.
CaiHong
The few meetings that I have been able to attend I have found myself petty and nitpicking, I can see that in myself, I don't like it but I am aware of it and I hope that by following the steps in my recovery that part of me will disolve. I am grateful that I can see this as my negative and will not stop me from attending meetings.
CaiHong
"The Truth is something so noble that if God were to step aside from it - I would grab a hold of the Truth and let go of God".
- Meister Eckhart
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I am sure this book will hit the Best seller list...not certain of what catagory tho...
I certainly hope those still struggleing and suffering with active alcoholism will be reached...
I certainly hope those still struggleing and suffering with active alcoholism will be reached...
"I believe that the most important spiritual principle of AA is humility. The recognition that we are flawed, that we can and must change and that our purpose not only in sobriety but in life is to be of service to others."
I love this. Acknowledging that I was flawed, and that it was okay to be flawed, was a major turning point for me.
I love this. Acknowledging that I was flawed, and that it was okay to be flawed, was a major turning point for me.
I think many will agree with this writer. I attend AA a few times a week and I do believe most people are spiritual on some level and that's all that matters. Even those that don't believe in a God feel some spiritual connection to something. I think it's just "wired" in us. JMO. Which is very humble.
Spirituality has never been satisfactorily defined. Nonetheless I believe that it can be experienced- not the way material things are experienced, that is you can't see it, smell it, taste it, but somehow you may sense that something is there. Sometimes it seems as if it might be in the same room with you, perhaps behind your back. And when things are tough for you whatever it is might have a look of sadness and compassion, understanding perhaps, and, hopefully forgiveness.
For thousands of years humans have called this "God" or "Gods" or something else. But there are those who still believe in these things and yet don't speak of "God" in any normal sense of the word. They are content to sense that there is something there, some other world perhaps, coexisting with our own, unseen-and yet, sometimes when the sun is setting and the clouds are all alive with fire from the dying day, it is difficult not to believe that there is indeed something there and it may then be as if a window opens into that hidden world and one can say, "Yes! It is as I always thought it was!" And, with the long years, sober now and meeting again my true self, I can say "Let them speak of God or call it what they will. If it leads them down the path that they should take then this is right for them. My path may be different from the ones they have chosen but if they have the humility to wish me well on my way, I also should have the humility to give them every good wish." There may be several paths but one end, sobriety and the recovery of one's self.
W.
For thousands of years humans have called this "God" or "Gods" or something else. But there are those who still believe in these things and yet don't speak of "God" in any normal sense of the word. They are content to sense that there is something there, some other world perhaps, coexisting with our own, unseen-and yet, sometimes when the sun is setting and the clouds are all alive with fire from the dying day, it is difficult not to believe that there is indeed something there and it may then be as if a window opens into that hidden world and one can say, "Yes! It is as I always thought it was!" And, with the long years, sober now and meeting again my true self, I can say "Let them speak of God or call it what they will. If it leads them down the path that they should take then this is right for them. My path may be different from the ones they have chosen but if they have the humility to wish me well on my way, I also should have the humility to give them every good wish." There may be several paths but one end, sobriety and the recovery of one's self.
W.
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Posts: 453
Step 2: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
A powere greater then oursleves. People call this many different things. Let's not get caught up in semantics. As the CNN article discussed the writer does not believe in "God" per say but believes in "Math" ok. Fine, point is that we "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
Call it Math, God, The Universe, Buddah, Nothingness, everythingness, infinity, whatever we wish to call it. Point is it is a power greater then ourselves. I think the word "God" triggers some serious hangups for many people for many different reasons. It would be easy for us Alcoholics to use that as a excuse to not continue with the 12 steps You really do not need to believe in anything other then the fact that there is someone/something greater then ourselves that can restore us to sanity.
A powere greater then oursleves. People call this many different things. Let's not get caught up in semantics. As the CNN article discussed the writer does not believe in "God" per say but believes in "Math" ok. Fine, point is that we "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"
Call it Math, God, The Universe, Buddah, Nothingness, everythingness, infinity, whatever we wish to call it. Point is it is a power greater then ourselves. I think the word "God" triggers some serious hangups for many people for many different reasons. It would be easy for us Alcoholics to use that as a excuse to not continue with the 12 steps You really do not need to believe in anything other then the fact that there is someone/something greater then ourselves that can restore us to sanity.
I think that the fit of AA for a particular individual really has little to do with religiosity vs. atheism.
AA is clearly based on the idea that the individual is powerless over alcohol and that the power to recover comes from an external force. This idea works well for people who have what psychologists call an external locus of control--who tend to attribute the outcome of events to external circumstances. The philosophy of AA makes sense to such people.
Other people, though, have an internal locus of control--they tend to attribute the outcome of events to their own actions. Such individuals will naturally have a tough time integrating their experience of the world into the AA philosophy.
Locus of control is a separate issue from spirituality. An atheist can have a primarily external locus, and a religious person can have a primarily internal one.
So, an atheist who has an external locus can fit into AA, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do with spirituality, it has to do with the fact that the AA viewpoint makes sense to the person.
It follows, though, that those with an internal locus will probably not do well in AA, because, regardless of their spiritual views, the idea that recovery comes from an outside force or entity will simply not make sense to them.
AA is clearly based on the idea that the individual is powerless over alcohol and that the power to recover comes from an external force. This idea works well for people who have what psychologists call an external locus of control--who tend to attribute the outcome of events to external circumstances. The philosophy of AA makes sense to such people.
Other people, though, have an internal locus of control--they tend to attribute the outcome of events to their own actions. Such individuals will naturally have a tough time integrating their experience of the world into the AA philosophy.
Locus of control is a separate issue from spirituality. An atheist can have a primarily external locus, and a religious person can have a primarily internal one.
So, an atheist who has an external locus can fit into AA, but it doesn't have a whole lot to do with spirituality, it has to do with the fact that the AA viewpoint makes sense to the person.
It follows, though, that those with an internal locus will probably not do well in AA, because, regardless of their spiritual views, the idea that recovery comes from an outside force or entity will simply not make sense to them.
This author and I share similar beliefs. Here in NYC agnosticism and atheism are not nearly as controversial as in many other places. And I am much more tolerant of religious people now than I was!
For me, the "psychic change sufficient to alleviate the obsession to drink" came with the same humble acceptance, and the determination to try my best to be optimistic, humble and hopeful, since angry, cynical and depressed was not working very well!
Thanks for sharing.
For me, the "psychic change sufficient to alleviate the obsession to drink" came with the same humble acceptance, and the determination to try my best to be optimistic, humble and hopeful, since angry, cynical and depressed was not working very well!
Thanks for sharing.
Other people, though, have an internal locus of control--they tend to attribute the outcome of events to their own actions. Such individuals will naturally have a tough time integrating their experience of the world into the AA philosophy.
Locus of control is a separate issue from spirituality. An atheist can have a primarily external locus, and a religious person can have a primarily internal one.
It follows, though, that those with an internal locus will probably not do well in AA, because, regardless of their spiritual views, the idea that recovery comes from an outside force or entity will simply not make sense to them.
Thanx for that OTT, very interesting. It certainly helps me reconcile some of the very different points of view here at SR.
My locus of control has always been internal. Yet my experience in AA was not troublesome. I think because my concept of spirituality is neither external or internal, it is both.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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What a great perspective - that really helped me clarify much of the fuzzy thinking I get when I overanalyze the 12-Step program of recovery. I need to experience a psychic change - a core change that allows me to exprience reality with comfort - unintoxicated, unmedicated. For me, the concept of counter-intuitive action - working against self/ego - is the hurdle. And it's the answer. It often feels uncomfortable because I'm used to being the center, letting the "little me" run the show. It's insanity. Having an alternative center to identify with during that deflation of ego is crucial for me - no matter what we call it. Thanks!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Thanx for that OTT, very interesting. It certainly helps me reconcile some of the very different points of view here at SR.
My locus of control has always been internal. Yet my experience in AA was not troublesome. I think because my concept of spirituality is neither external or internal, it is both.
My locus of control has always been internal. Yet my experience in AA was not troublesome. I think because my concept of spirituality is neither external or internal, it is both.
So, I have resisted going to any AA meetings since I can't get past the first two steps. Highly internalized locus of control!
I am wondering, is anyone aware of any studies or clinical analyses of what's behind each of the steps from a psychological standpoint, e.g., why they work? Is it possible to get benefit from the other steps of AA even if you don't believe that you require a higher power to help you recover?
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