Sunn

I'm sitting here thinking about attending an AA meeting because I'm pretty sure I have a drinking problem. The idea of being an alcoholic is really new to me and I'm not comfortable talking about it, but I want to go to a meeting. I apologize if I'm going over things that are on other posts. I tried to find some AA related posts but did see one that addressed this issue.

I'm an atheist. Die hard. But, I'm not anti-religion. I just don't believe there's a god of any kind. So basically I don't have a problem with religious people but I'm worried that they might have a problem with me. How big of a component is religion in AA? Am I going to be expected to publicly say I blieve in a God of some kind? It's not a deal breaker. I just don't want to start anything with a lie. I want a place where I can say what I need to say and not worry about being judged. Are there non-religious support groups that have a good reputation that people have experience with? Or is AA really just religious for people who want to be religious and us non believers are still welcome?

Dee74

I'm not in AA but I'd describe it more as spiritual.

Others will be along to explain in far greater detail, but even as an agnostic reading the AA Big Book I could accept the premise I wasn't the greatest power in the Universe.

I know lots of atheists in AA - I'd at least give it a go

D

Nikkipoo

Hi Sunn!

Welcome to SR. The only requirement for going to AA meetings is the desire to stop drinking. The higher power thing can be "anything" from your own viewpoint that is more powerful than YOU by yourself. It could be the weather or your family etc.
You don't have to work the steps, but you will see on SR that that has helped many people recovery long term.

Have you thought about talking to your doctor? He/She can help especially if you think detoxing will be a big issue for you.

Congrats to you for taking the 1st step by admitting you have a problem
You will find huge support here on SR. I recommend reading "Under the Influence" by James Milam and Katherine Ketcham. Keep on posting!:ghug3

least

AA is a 'spiritual' program. Many members of AA are 'religious'. That's the biggest difference I can see. The program itself is not religious per se. Try a bunch of meetings and see what you think.

GettingStronger2

Well, AA is a spiritual program. some people in it are religious. Luckily for me, it is not a religious program, as i tend to run quickly from all things religious.

I can relate a quick story if it makes you feel better. A couple of weeks ago, i went to a speaker's meeting. The woman who spoke has been sober 30 years in AA and is an atheist. Her husband has 46 years, and he, too, is an atheist.

Hope that helps.

reggiewayne

Welcome. Like others have said, AA is spiritual, not religious. I'd like to quote page 45 from the book for you. It sums up what AA is about.

"Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem".

Lack of power is our problem. AA allows you to find a power that's grater than you to solve your problem.

It works man, it really, really does. I have 149 days sober and before getting into to AA the longest amount of time I've ever had was about 20 days. I am 35 and have been drinking since the age of 15. AA is very result orientated. All it asks is look at what your plan for life has given you and then compare it to what the AA life has given it's members. Simply compare the results.

I could literally go on and on and on regarding this topic, but I'd bore you to death. All I would suggest is set aside any judgments you have regarding God and a higher power and simply go to meetings and compare the results. I think you'll find it's a pretty good way of life. It's not the only way, but it's the only thing that has worked for me. The one thing I've noticed since being in the program is the longer I'm in it, the more sense it makes. At first, I didn't get how working the 12 steps would help me. How would finding a power greater than me, help me. I also thought the whole HP thing was bullshnit anyway.

I am happy to report, I was wrong. It has made me into a person I'd never thought I'd be. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am so much better off than I used be.

Just do the work, go to the meetings check out some speakers I'll give you, and then make up your mind.

I'll post a link for you to check out. It's a speaker that discusses this very topic at length. Best of luck to you!

http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?...category&id=28

Sunn

Thanks everyone. This is good to know.

This is such a weird step for me. I went from person under control this morning to thinking I need rehab this afternoon. Add to that my desire to analyze every situation before I actually experience it and I'm paralyzed by all these different possible outcomes. I just have this need to know what to expect.

As far as doctors go, I don't have one. Any thoughts on what I should do about detox then? I know people can't offer medical advice here. I totally understand that. I'll look around for other stories about detox on the forums too, but I'm just curious if anyone had experiences that really required a doctor or just what their general experiences were with detox.

I said it elsewhere but I'll say it again. You guys have been so awesome to me in the couple of hours that i've spent here. Accepting the fact that I have serious issues that need to be addressed (with the help of other people) is a very difficult concept, but I've told a bunch of strangers and they have been more supportive than I could've ever hoped. I'm almost speechless. It gives me a lot of hope that I can get myself back together with minimal collateral damage.

Thank you to everyone here.

omegasupreme

AA is a spiritual program of action, nothing religious. The program, as outlined in the book with the same name is pretty darn roomy. Fascinating chapter titled "We Agnostics" that may be of some service to you. It can be found online, just Google it.

If you would like to discuss this further feel free to PM me. My experience shows that discussing various belief systems or lack of, in large groups can get misconstrued rather quickly.

I will say this though, I have been separated from drugs and alcohol since 7/25/2009 without being attached to any specific religion.

Dee74

I recommend everyone see a Dr.

It's not just because it's the right thing to say either. I detoxed myself for years at home, to no apparent ill effect...but my last detox - drinking no more no less, doing nothing different....I suffered several mini strokes.

That's a legacy I have to live with now - for keeps.

I'm not trying to frighten anyone - things like that are rare - but they can happen.

I'm not American but I know health care is not cheap. Are there free or low cost clinics in your city? Google free clinics and your local area.

There are immediate care/after hours centres too...I'm reliably informed some of those deal with alcohol withdrawal and the cost is something like $50

In the end, even if you have to pay, how much is your well-being worth?

D

Sunn

I'm one of the lucky few who are unemployed but with health insurance so it's not a matter of affording a doctor. I just don't have a GP and don't like the idea of seeing one just for this, but I'd do it if it was medically necessary. My insurance covers psychiatry and psychology too. Since I'm sure my issues are medical and psychological, should I see a psychiatrist? Does anyone have impressions of seeing a shrink vs. seeing a GP when it comes to getting off alcohol?

I hear what you're saying. I'm so sorry that you had lasting damage with your detox. It seems so unfair that when you're trying to put your life in order you get hit with strokes. I hope things are much better now.

Dee74

I'm fine Sunn - I adapt pretty well

It's up to you what you do - but if you decide to go ahead, why not see both a GP and a psych?
I eventually saw both a GP and a psychologist and both helped me in different ways

D

Mark75

Not really a psychiatrist, IMO... Think psychologist... Depends on the GP/FP.... Alot are very good in this area... But if you don't already have a relationship with one, it'll be hard to know... Look for a good drug and alcohol center... They can hook you up... Check your insurance benefits booklet or web site for one near you...

Welcome to SR

Sunn

That's what I'm worried about. Doctors seem to have a tendency to look at people in such a superficial, paperwork-based kinda way. It might be my biases but I think psychologists and psychiatrists think of medicine in a more holistic way. Again, probably my biases. I just think brain doctors are more inclined to get to know people before they diagnose you whereas regular doctors just look at some basic facts taken down by a nurse and then tell you what's wrong.

newwings

Sunn - if you check your PHP online, you can normally find a specific alcohol/drugs advisor in the psysch department of your provider, although they might not be listed that way (e.g, I'm with Kaiser, and I got an appointment with mine through my first psychiatrist's appointment. When I said I felt really depressed, she asked me to stop drinking for a month, and then said, "Can you do that?". My reply? "No." (true honesty for the first time, ever! She then got me in to see the guy the same day). Or you can send an email to any internal medicine doc on the list of your providers, asking them to set you up with the alcohol/drug advisor. That way you can go straight through the system to the person you need without wasting time. Good luck!

Zencat

As an atheistic inclined person (non-theist) I use the SMART Recovery program, among other treatment options, as a addiction treatment plan. However I do attend open meetings of AA because I don't exactly agree with the higher power concept. Closed meetings I believe are for those that identify as "real alcoholics" and only a higher power or G*d can relieve them of alcoholism. Open meetings anybody can attend, real alcoholic or not. And that where I fit in in the whole AA structure of things.

In my sobriety I do my best to be authentic. As a drunk, authenticity was the last thing I was. I'm not going to carry over into my sobriety the problematic character defects I had as a drunk druggie. I'm non-theist, its simply who I am and it is not a hindrance to my addiction treatments, unless I allow others to convince me that it is a problem. Why hell there are even "We Agnostic" AA meetings. There atheist and agnostics come together in fellowship to solve a common problem: alcoholism.

Amywho, welcome to SR and maybe check out the Secular Connections Forum here at SR. You are not alone as an atheist in recovery, we do recover.

Sunn

Zencat and newwings, thank you!

Newwings, the idea of being totally honest with someone is terrifying. I don't even feel like I"m that bad. Why do I feel like I can't tell someone I'm probably an alcoholic? (probably the same reason why I couldn't write, "I'm an alcoholic" right there, huh?) I'm doing it. I'm going to a doctor and I'm telling them I have a drinking problem. I'm trying to convince myself to do this so tell me to do it, please.

Zencat, I never knew there were difference in AA meetings. All I know is from TV and one friend who was a drunk but actually managed to go to AA and then drink socially and responsibly afterward. Is that even possible? He's the only person I've ever heard of who's done it. I'll look into open AA meetings. That may be the best start for me. I'm just not there. I'm not used to being emotional but I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I can't make myself do something. That I am subjected to the pull of a substance. It's really hard. I cannot figure out why I am incapable of not drinking. I just need some people who know that, regardless of the other things I think of believe, I have serious problems and need some support.

I feel selfish too. Is that normal? I feel like it's selfish to think I have a problem and that I should really just be thinking that I have no self control or no willpower or I need to stop complaining, and that all of this is just because I'm being a ridiculous irrational person. Is that normal?

newwings

You and me both, pardner! I've been lying to doctors for YEARS! You know when you have to fill in that new patient form and say how many drinks you have? You think I've ever been honest? Hahahaaha!!! I was drinking a bottle of wine a day as my minimum, more on binges or nights out. To some, that won't sound much, but it was the effect it was having on me, my relationships and self esteem that was damaging. I even attended a few meetings (not AA, meetings that are provided through my PHP) late last year, but was in complete denial about the severity of my problem (which culminated on Tuesday 19th April this year after nearly dying in my sleep from my own puke, due to having a bottle and a bit of white wine instead of dinner).

I wish I had been more honest earlier, as I'd been to my regular doc saying I felt depressed after a bereavement, but of course, never told the truth about my drinking habits. The reason those questionnaires are there are to raise red flags to your GP. Duh! Silly me. It was all about the denial, and I refused to put it in black and white on paper for the doc to pick over. Couldn't be doing with it.

The alcohol/drugs guy in my psych department was the first person I'd ever told about exactly how much I drank, how concerned I was, the damaging things I'd done whilst drinking. He was totally non judgmental, didn't fall backwards off his chair about any of my 'confessions', listened intently for nearly an hour and gave me a plan of action and a kindly pep talk. I was stupid though, it took me 5 months to finally 'get it'.

P.S.. The selfishness is all part of the disease of addiction, as well as that nasty little voice that tells you you are a 'ridiculous, irrational person'. Once you get sober, it gets smaller and smaller and you are less inclined to believe it.

Sunn

God the more I hear from people on here the more I realize I need help. I've lied on every one of those stupid forms for years! Granted, I wasn't drinking to escape and I wasn't drinking where it interfered with my life but looking back, after reading some posts here, I've been drinking more than I should've been for years (and now I'm drinking for all those other reasons too). And I must've known it because I certainly wasn't telling the doctors how much I was drinking. It must've just been an unconscious realization. How did I not realize?! Granted, it wasn't to excess or interference with my life and obligations but I certainly felt like I had to lie. I must've been building up to this for quite a while. Drinking was always the relaxing thing. It was always the let-off-steam thing. Now it's the get-up-in-the-morning thing. The red wine for breakfast thing. The whiskey for lunch thing. I can't taste alcohol without it leading to a week long binge at least. I was clean for a few weeks until Easter and then I had a bloody mary and haven't stopped drinking since. Like, all day drinking. Like I'm almost drunk now. I feel embarrassed and sad and angry at my self but I can't stop having "just one drink." ****. This sucks. ****.

Anna

Sunn, it does suck to realize we are addicted, no question about that.

But, this can be the beginning of recovery for you.

topspin

Sunn,
I can't believe just how damn fortunate I was (now, over a year ago ) to have found this SR forum. Can totally relate to what you're going through.

You're in a great place here. It's been an incredible source of support and imfo this past year, ....for starters !?!

I'm just one more on a long list of non-theist who manage life sober today.

Welcome aboard !