Alone22

After many months of thinking about going today I finally did it. I REALLY have a hard time with new things so it was a good hurdle for me to get over. The pieces of advise you hear and that are shared are amazing. I will be back and soon! The topic today was step #3 give it up to the HP (may not have the exactly right, but enough so that I know those here will get it). Which for me is going to be a hard one. I am pretty upset with my HP so giving it up to him seems silly right now.

I really liked this : When you use a knee jerk response, something so quick that you didn't really have anytime to think about it, you are using only you. If you wait until you are calm to determine what to do or say then you are letting your HP in to help.


With all the of positive I got out of it I did walk away a little upset. I was new, along with 3 others.... no one came to talk to me after the meeting, yet the others did. Not sure why, and it may have just happened for no reason, but made me feel ALONE. Which of course is not what I wanted to feel at all.

My AH comes home tomorrow after being on a business trip since last week... nervous... big changes in me the past few days, not sure how to approach him with it.

keepinon

If you were not approached after the meeting perhaps chalk it up to a fluke..we are there to welcome newcomers..maybe someone dropped the ball today, but don't take it personally..glad you went, glad you got something out of it..my home meeting is tonight and I can't wait!

passionfruit

They didn't at first to me either.

Stick with it anyway. Or better yet approach them.

After a period of time, you will be a part of them. Words will come easier.

on both parts!

dancingnow

Know how you feel. I was grateful to have someone come and talk with me some of the times when I went to a new meeting location.

When people didn't talk with me, I always felt lonely. I have been going several months now and sometimes someone comes to talk with me and also I am able to reach out on my own and talk with someone.

I have even been thinking about reaching out to a new person, but not quite there yet.

Going to Alanon is helping me to understand my level of comfort with connection.

Hope you keep going.

jamaicamecrazy

Congratulations in taking the first step. The next step- going back, can be even harder. You will soon feel at home. I have a "home group" and when I was at my most shaken I went to other groups in the area. Each new group was scary but I started seeing familiar faces and heard the same strength and encouragement at all the meetings. Maybe that is an option for you. Different meetings have different feels to them. Maybe another one will be a better match. Give it at least 6 meetings. BUt it sounds like you heard and felt something that was comforting to you.
I had not been on speaking term with my HP for a while. I was angry. One of the gifts of Al ANon was helping me feel closer and soon I was seeing signs that I am being very well taken care of. I hope you have a similar experience. Keep us posted.

Cyranoak

...just awesome. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!

Cyranoak

RollTide

Good for you for going to a meeting. I also put off going for a very long time. I'm not a people person and not one that enjoys meetings and that type of thing. But I now have a home group that I attend weekly and another group in a nearby city that I go to occasionally. I always come out feelling better than I did when I went in.

There were people in both locations that I could identify with and I made it a point to try and talk to them. You'll be the same way...just give it a little time. And in the meantime we're here!

PickMe

It took me a few tries to find the best Al-Anon meeting for me in my area. (Although if I am in need of a meeting, I will drag myself to ANY of the meetings that fit into my schedule, but only the Tues/Fri 9:30 AM meeting feels like "home" for me.)

You've taken that first step. The first meeting is the hardest. It works if you work it and you're worth it.

Tuffgirl

Alone22, just posted on your more recent thread. But let me just say last night was my 5th meeting at this new group and although everyone has been friendly, last night was the "night" everyone commented on my "keep coming back" attitude. I think I finally lost the newcomer status and was embraced by this tight-knit group. Granted, I've been going to Al-Anon for some months now, but switching groups made me a newcomer again and it felt strange at first. Keep coming back, as they say. Pretty soon you'll be a regular and welcoming other newcomers.

Cyranoak

All groups are different and I don't know the backstory, but I will say that I never approach new people who are women until they have been to a few meetings. I'm afraid they'll misinterpret my intentions, or that maybe they have suffered some abuse and are afraid of men. I rarely approach the men, too, but that's probably some sexist thing on my part. I really only approach newbies if they share, and if that share resonates with me.

Having said all of that, when newbies approach me I always take the time to talk to them and answer questions.

You take care, and keep coming back! To meetings that is.

Cyranoak