FreeingMyself

Ok so after much debate I went with AH who I am seperated from with his parents for turkey day today, because of the kids. And, while we have been able to get along lately because we keep it simple, I don't know if that is bad or good because then I don't get to see the "true" him. So, then I start in that mind of mine thinking oh it wasn't that bad etc...even though I know better. I went to my parents after I left his, and he went to DJ at the bar, and on my way back I told him I would call since the roads were bad and let him know I got home. Well, he didn't answer, then I started obssessing about whether he was drinking or not etc.....and I let it get the best of me...just wanting to know the truth - I know my codie ways - however, once I realized I was doing this, I stopped and decided that who cares - what would it change - what does 'knowing' do - and why does it matter right now. However, it really irritates me that I still do that.....

barb dwyer

Yeah, but you caught yourself and did what was required to stop.
Give yourself credit for that much!

TakingCharge999

I stopped and decided that who cares - what would it change - what does 'knowing' do - and why does it matter right now.

Thanks a lot for this... it helps. Can't control him. Can't control anyone. What's up next in OUR lives?

missphit

i've moved 500 miles away and when the thought of picking up the phone entered my mind to wish him a "happy holiday" i went to the same thing...wondering if he is drinking or not...so I put the phone down and didn't call!! thanks for this reminder. I hope some day i can stop even letting that thought into my head, afterall, what difference DOES it make? NONE, absolutely none because my day was lovely and the food was terrific and i was in a safe and sober place surrounded by people that love me and I love them...nothing else really is my business right now. gosh, i hate that my head goes there too!! good for you for catching it!

Jadmack25

Don't forget that you NOT worrying yourselves over your A's and all the c**p of being so involved in THEM, is very NEW to your brain and it is still learning the new you. It will happen again, but eventually you will have dumped the old habits and replaced them with GOOD new ones, and wanting to know what these pathetic souls are doing will not even come to mind.

Keep on as you are, and you will make it happen.

TakingCharge999

Also it may sound bad but when I ask myself this I imagine that yes he is as drunk as usual in the same bar as usual. There he is.Sitting there. Drinking. Nothing has changed for him really and there's nothing I can do. Nothing the barman can do. Nothing his friends can do. No one can do anything about it. This helps letting go.. BTW "The Language of Letting go" is a GREAT Melody Beatty book!!

Learn2Live

Ugh. I so remember this. Ugh. I so remember the hurt I would feel that he didn't even CARE whether or not I got home. I never got to the point where I could deal with the feelings I would get from this kind of thing and the obsessing, worry and panic. So I got rid of him completely. No, I didn't kill him LOL, I dumped him. Ahhhh....much better.