shaun00

Do you have some that creep back into your life sometimes.?

On reviewing my day, sometimes i find 1 reappearing and 9 times out of 10 its the same one.
Perfectionism......Its not new, i remember it being around right back when i was a kid..

Its a personal perfectionism...... expecting alot of myself......pushing the bar way to high......and if i achieve it, ill push the bar higher.

Sometimes doing nothing for fear of not being able to achieve unachievable goals.
Intolerant of my own failures and berating myself.

So i deal with it the same way i dealt with the others and ask him to remove it.
Only for it to reappear some months later...
Anyone have experience of a particular defects that raises its head more than others?......maybe im not alone...or maybe im surrounded by saints..lol.

Mark75

Ohh yea! I get that completely... it can become pervasive with me, which leads to avoidance and procrastination. Something I am struggling with currently. Sometimes I fear that apathy may play a part. Like, you know... screw it if I can't have it the way I want it... which brings up that whole self centeredness thing. And that's some bad sh1t ...

Thanx Shaun... I needed to consider that today.

uncle holmes

I have defects that creep back into my life all the time. It's a constant battle. I then ask God to remove it and try to practice the opposite of the defect, which is the virtue.

Character Defect------------Virtue.

Self-indulgence------------Selflessness.
Self-pity------------Gratitude.
Self-justification------------Awareness.
Self-importance------------Humility.
Self-condemnation------------Praise.
Impatience------------Patience.
False Pride------------Humility.
Laziness------------Ambitious.
Procastination------------Prompt Action.
Criticism------------Complementary.
Insincerity------------Sincerity.
Dishonesty (lying, cheating, stealing)------------Honesty.
Rationalization------------Acceptance.
Indecision-Worry------------Carefree
Conceit------------Humility.
Carelessness------------Careful.
Intolerance------------Tolerance.
Sarcasm------------Truthfulness.
Anger------------Love.
Envy------------Acceptance.
Jealousy------------Trust.
Greed------------Charitable.
Lust------------Respect.
Hate------------Love.
Suspicion------------Trust.
Revenge-----------Forgive.
Fear------------Courage or faith.

This list by the way was passed down from my sponsor. According to him, this list was passed down from Dr. Bob.

DayTrader

Thanks Shaun....... thanks for bringing it up and thanks for helping me feel less alone and thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.

I've brought this up with some friends in that proverbial meeting after the meeting and I've even mentioned it here. It seems, in my experience, that there are SOME "defects" that you're just stuck with. I don't think God will necessarily remove everything we feel is a for-sure defect either......even something that our good book TELLS us is a defect. Well, maybe he will but WHEN is the question...and who's to say "God's time" is within the next 20, 30 or 40 years? I'm 41.....I've got the same issue you spoke about. For now, I seem to be stuck with it and, as our 12x12 says, I just need to be content with

I do the same darn thing you described....and when I hit the bar, raise it again, and hit THAT bar....and by some miracle don't move it a 2nd time - ask me how I feel -- I say "nothing, it's no big deal" cuz in the back of my head I'll be thinking I should have moved it higher and hit THAT mark. It's a set-up for constant failure. When I'm on that bad track....I'm in trouble. Everything feels awful. My failures are too numerous to count and my successes, the few that I can see, are worthless.....then I'm worthless.....etc etc etc... wash, rinse, repeat. That crap....over and over and over and over and OVER totally dominated me at about year 1.5 through year 2.75 or so. It was hell on earth. I dare say, it was worse than any of the pain I felt when I was drinking, relapsing, and playing all those games. Here I had the wisdom to know the difference and totally lacked the power. --lack of power is my dilemma.

I never really thought about going back out over it......but I was a miserable wreck...and everybody (especially my aa friends) could see it. I was basically F'd, I didn't know what to do, I was freaking out, I was praying like a lunatic - BEGGING God to come save me from myself......and nothing......it persisted for a friggin year and a half or so. That's a LONNNG time when yer in hell and the only solution you know other than booze - GOD - seems to be hanging you out to dry in the wind.

I did find a solution though. I still go back a teeney tiney bit once and a while but, for now anyway, it's maybe for minutes.....or an hour at the most. Before, it would set in for, well, a year and a half. LOL.

What I did wasn't "in the book" and it's maybe not appropriate for this room (the pseudo AA room) but I'd be happy to tell anyone who's interested if you wanna drop me a pm.


GREAT GREAT topic though......and thanks again!!

yeahgr8

I pray for my shortcomings to be removed:-)

I think having a list of shortcomings and their polar opposites is great and really helpful, at least it is for me!

Perfectionism is a problem i have so i pray for God to reove it, remove my understanding of what perfectionism is...when i read about perfectionism it became clear to me that it actually contains about 4 other character defects and, what i have found, is that by getting an understanding of what it is i humbly ask to be removed is important, for me anyway...else i could just say God please remove all my shortcomings and anymore you spot...i know He can do anything but feel that i am meant to do my bit too:-)

The reason i mention this, and i by no means have any answers here, is that a few old timers i have met seem to have a lot of issues in common i.e. money and relationships and my sponsor has just started seeing a great recovered alcoholic (not AA) who is a counselor to help with these issues.

It's important for us to realise, at any stage IMO, that God works through people as well as prayer and that there are a multitude of resources out there for us, e.g. books, courses, people...if we need them...

It's not watering down the program and its not a weakness...asking for a little help...just wanted to say that...

But yeah perfectionsism is a beauty!!!

ClosetExtrovert

[QUOTE=shaun00;2731413]Do you have some that creep back into your life sometimes.?

QUOTE]

EVERYDAY! LOL
My most irritating one at the moment it refusing to accept reality - No, it shouldn't BE this way <Optional foot stomp> And yet....it is. I'm having a lot of this lately. And this was the first one I thought I'd kicked to the curb.

Any advice will be gobbled up and appreciated

ClosetExtrovert

THank you! Wonderful post.

Ananda

just remember some of these defects can be used by an HP for good...

miss applied...can cause me a lot of needless suffering ....and that of others...

Used properly it can be a motive for working toward change....I think Martin Luther King may have said exactly those words at one time...foot stamps and all LOL

ClosetExtrovert

ooooo...good point! Thanks!

shaun00

the thing about human beings is, we are made up of minor imperfections..
some may be more prominent than others.....

In the average human being....they are just that.......average minor imperfections.

Trouble is as alcoholics in my own experience these minor imperfection become major liability's
Becoming twisted and extreme.......there is no middle of the road with me..its either all on or all off.....its either a screaming defect or it doesnt exist...

cliff is right.....its not as simple as perfectionism ....its wrapped up with load of other crap....normally rooted in fear.

DayTrader

Speak for yerself Shaun, I'm perfect.......now.



j/k.......j/k

Boleo

My experience is that there was only one character defect, is only one character defect and will always be, only one character defect;

Delusional Thinking

Tommyh

shaun
I have had this experience lately also
taken from pages 86-88
here is what has happened to me and the solution I have that works for me...but i will pm you the nature of it rather than post it here for personal reasons
upon awakening we ask God....the big book gives me specific instructions on what to do upon awakening...for a reason it says upon awakening,because if I screw around and skip it,or put it off,a defect(s) tries to pop up and work it`s way back into my life.If I neglect it,it can become more troublesome during the day and sooner or later I am acting up on it.
When I stop,and go back to "upon awakening we ask God" it goes away.When I say,upon awakening,I mean I still quite and still and try again to make contact with my HP [ prayer and meditation ]and get focused on God and being of service.
That seems to help me the most-getting out of self and into God and helping others
the section that starts out "when we retire" gives me a chance to see progress and learn from my days experience
the defects are a product of self and are nothing but pure insanity
so I get a chance to see my day and see where sanity was and where insanity has tried to creep back into my life-it shows me Tommy is sometimes not quite as sane as He would like to believe and to have others believe

a daily reprieve based on the spiritual maintenance of my life
if i do not do this,my daily reprieve will turn to crap