shegirl

After two weeks of not drinking I drank last night. I know Im responsible for my own actions but my neighbor asked me to do a shot, we've partied together before, and at first I politely said no. She was tipsy so after a few "aw come on" I caved. Then I did a few shots and finished the wine in my fridge. I've never really told anyone I have a drinking problem. I guess I could tell people I dont drink anymore and leave it at that. What do you say to people when offered a drink? I would appreciate any advise.

augustwest

in early recovery my simple solution was to not hang around drinkers when they're drinking. i also avoided places where alcohol is served. i told all of my friends about my recovery. by doing that, hardly a drink was ever offered to me.

as time wore on and my surrender grew and my recovery strengthened i became able to be in certain situations; read: restaurants, dinners, etc.... NOT hanging out in bars or at keg parties. i simply tell people i don't drink. 99.999% of the time nobody cares or says anything. i'm really not nearly as important as my self-absorbed disease wants me to think i am. If somebody were to push me to drink i'm outta there. No thing, no person, place, circumstance or situation gives me permission to drink or do drugs again, i must, and am willing to do whatever the situation calls for to prevent that from happening.

fortunately for me, at this juncture, the desire has been lifted. to the general public i identify myself as a non-drinker. my friends know the deal though, and support me. any of those people who wouldn't support me won't continue to be my friend. period.

least

A firm NO should be sufficient, but some folks don't understand the word 'no'. For people like that it's best to just stay away from them, if possible, but practice your 'no'-saying skills anyway. And remember, 'no' is a complete sentence.

Your neighbor was being pushy but the choice to drink was yours. Practice saying 'no' to yourself and abiding by it.

Antiderivative

As August said, try not to put yourself into those situations in early recovery. If you find yourself in that position again, just say "No, I don't feel like drinking to tonight", which is the truth. You don't have to confess to them your drinking problem and no one is going to wildly jump to that conclusion.

In those situations, people can be a little pushy since they want to let everyone in on the "good time". A few solid "No's" should take care of it. If it doesn't, then why even hang around with them? Just walk out.

If you have a drinking problem, then you shouldn't be keeping wine in your fridge.

shegirl

Thanks for all the advice. I have to say no and mean it even to myself and become more verbal that I do not drink and watch my surroundings and who Im hangin out with. I do not want to drink anymore but its still so new and hard sometimes. Thanks for the advice and support!

Chloe60

I like what Least just said...that 'no' is a complete sentence.

I am still trying to stay away from drinking situations, but a few were unavoidable. Twice I've used a line that came from an SR thread: No thanks, I'm giving my liver a break. You don't need to tell them anymore. It's worked for me...

smacked

"No thanks, I don't drink". Also..since sobering up, I don't hang out with anyone who "does shots" anymore, now that I think about it.

LexieCat

I'd also stop keeping wine in your fridge (or in your house, for that matter).

lildawg

You've gotten some good advice. I understand getting caught in early sobriety. Your mind is still reeling, and you're still trying to make adjustments.

The people who would try to talk you into drinking with them are not really your friends. Don't feel like you have to please them or as though you can't just go in your house and shut the door. "I think I left the stove on" is a good enough excuse.

And, yes, if you're the only resident of your house, get the booze out, pronto.

Anna

I say 'No, thanks!' and I don't hang out with people who are drinking.

shegirl

Thanks everyone theres alot of good advice here. There is no more wine in the house and I did not drink yesterday. Like my mom always told me, if first you dont suceed then try and try again! Thanks!

endzoner

Hi she , another one would be if the person comes knockin on your door and you can tell and smell that the person is drinkin , just simply dont let them in , or just say sorry , your welcome here if your sober , but not while your drinkin .
and do tell them your not drinkin , honnesty is the best route . if they dont respect your choices then theres really no point in continuing the so called friendship , ones that support your choices are the " true real " friends . huggles Endzy

TexasNative

That's a good way to put it. I don't either. I wouldn't either! Playing with fire for one, and seems awfully nonproductive to be hanging around watching somebody do shots.

shegirl

You're right, I dont need to be hangin out with people who are drinking. I cant believe I thought I could just have one. The past two weeks even if my husband was having a few I'd go in another room

flutter

I don't hang out with drinkers all that often.. but if in a situation where I'm asked, like others have said, I just say no thanks. I have found that people really don't care about the 'why' of it, and don't care enough to remember for long. I say 'no thanks' a lot it seems lol.. and then ask them for a coke.

I think where you're at with your recovery speaks to how easy or difficult this is.. I think your post (correct me if I'm off base) is not so much about the verbiage to use when offered a drink, but how to more effortlessly resist temptation when asked.. that's done with recovery work, and time..at least in my opinion.

shegirl

I think where you're at with your recovery speaks to how easy or difficult this is.. I think your post (correct me if I'm off base) is not so much about the verbiage to use when offered a drink, but how to more effortlessly resist temptation when asked.. that's done with recovery work, and time..at least in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

You're not offbase, your right. Does anyone have any suggestions for recovery work. I'm new here. I do see a therapist and I'm not sure about AA.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

AA would be the only advice I would offer. Therapy is nice, but get at the root of my problems, I'm still an alcoholic.

jmf7dd

She. I'm 62 days sober, celebrated both my 30 day mark and my 60 day mark in AA. I am a true believer in the power of AA and what the Big Book of AA offers as guide to sobriety. I also know that not everyone feels like AA is something that works for them, and that's great, IF you find something that does work. This was not my first attempt at getting sober, or AA for that matter. I have failed over and over and over for years. I went back to AA this time with malintent, I wanted to get someone off my back. I had been dry for just over 2 weeks when I walked into my first meeting this time around. And I HATED, absolutely hated AA. It made me feel like ****, I cried, I could barely say my name for the first week of meetings without crying. But one day during this cycle I woke up and I got it. I was starting to do step work for the first time in my life, and I GOT IT. I knew that my life was no longer manageable and was no longer MINE to manage, I gave it all to God. And that was the hardest thing to do for me. Harder than saying no to another drink. I would like to offer you the advice of TRYING AA, if you don't like it, don't go back. But if you do go, TRY, really put in an effort. All AA requires as membership is "THE DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING" and you clearly have that. Good luck with your sobriety. Stay strong. And a change of the people, places, and things in your life is a great way to start getting sober but an even greater way to STAY sober. read my other posts if you find this helpful, they all show my gratitude toward AA and my success over alcohol for the first time in my life.

wpainterw

I agree with what jmf7dd has said and would only add that AA groups differ and there is some variety, particularly in larger metropolitan areas. And people who go to AA also differ in the way they use it. Some look at it in a traditional way and do all the steps very rigorously. Others may try to adapt their program to what may seem more comfortable. As with anything else, it's at a person's own choice and risk. Anyway, why not try it? And, if you have problems along the way, try sticking with it and seeking a solution that seems to work for you. Personally I found that 1-1 counseling didn't work in the long run. Just resulted in periodic sobriety with a number of relapses from time to time. The latter were invariably unpleasant. Good luck.

W.

LaFemme

I saw an article this morning on CNN about this subject. I started a thread with a link to the article at

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinkers.html

It had some excellent points:-)