LaFemme

My not drinking bothers friends - CNN.com

Thoughts?

DayTrader

Once AA really started soaking into me, it hasn't bothered me to be around drinkers. I'm usually the office bartender for our Christmas "party" (we rent a party bus and they try their best to act like big-time partiers..... it's kinda pathetic - not ONE of them really knows how to drink...lol), I continued to play golf in a league where about half of the guys probably ARE alkies but don't realize it yet, and I still have dinner once and a while at my favorite old bar.

I'm NOT suggesting what I did... everyone needs to be true to themselves and their feelings. I don't go out of my way to drag other non-drinking friends into situations that they might find themselves uncomfortable in, however.

I like how that article is written in that it's promoting thinking of others first - that's something everyone can benefit from.

flutter

I love that article! While I don't place myself in the firing line of drinkers all that often, sometimes it's unavoidable.

Just this past weekend I got back from a week long vacation in Italy, we stayed in Chianti/Tuscany. Wine was cheaper than water.. and flowed more freely. Because we traveled with about 25 friends/family (it was for a wedding), I had LOTS of people offering me a drink, or filling my empty wine glass, almost hourly. In all that interaction, a simple "no thanks!" was just fine, and only once did someone say, "you don't drink, AT ALL??".. to which I always answer, "nope, I drank enough.. now I don't.".

This stuff is way easier the longer I've been sober.. the first few months I probably would have been throwing myself a 'pity party' because I "can't" drink, but now after lots of time and hard work it's not even a fleeting thought, I'm just a non-drinker.

loveon2legs

Great article!!
I have a friend who drinks wine and she says the same thing to me "you must think I'm an alcoholic" when in reality I don't give it a second thought!! she has her road, I have mine, and if someone chooses to drink that's fine by me... I know that i can't and honestly don't even want to anymore... people are funny sometimes!

GettingStronger2

good article, thanks for sharing, LaFemme. I think she makes a really good point about people in early sobriety and what the "offers" of drinking can do. Sobriety is a prescious thing for those of us in recovery. and it is also very fragile. For those who are young (in years, not sobriety), i can only imagine how difficult it must be.

Lots to think about!

lyddie

LaFemme - thanks for finding and posting the article.

Still Waters

As a non-alcoholic non-drinker, I've never even given a second thought to how to deal with drink offers. I just say 'no thanks'.

I've never noticed anyone acting uncomfortable about me not drinking either (except my alcoholic husband, but different issue), but it might be that I'm a bit older than the author of that article and so my circle of friends is also?

Edited to add: Or maybe I'm just oblivious to it? lol.

lildawg

This was a great article! I really loved how she talked about the rare individual who takes a non-drinker's abstinence personally. These folks are out there, and it's terribly uncomfortable the first few times you run into one. It takes some practice and some experience to figure out how to handle it gracefully.

As an aside, I envy where Day Trader has gotten with his sense of self. I want that.

DJ1

newly back on the sober train
What a great article thank you for sharing

CarolD

Peer pressure plus people pleaseing often keeps people drinking.

Personally.....I find having non drinkers for friends more interesting.

I'm glad the article explored how to deal with social situatiomns.
I especially liked what the authors husband said about adult beverages.......

Thanks LF remembering the womans take on being sober with
drinkers just might be very beneficial to you as you continue
your sober new life.....

LaFemme

Glad you all enjoyed it. I. like DT, especially liked how she mentioned that people who pressured non-drinkers to drink weren't aware that they were possibly pressuring those people to do something that was potentially fatal.

I was surprised by the resistance to my non-drinking that I experienced by a number of people at my Reunion, so it has been on my mind a bit. I've got a big party for my sister coupled with family visit in 2 weeks, followed by my first flying trip sober for a 4 day business conference where I know everyone drinks hard...I almost am more nervous about the business trip than personal exposure, I am typically the youngest person at these events and I was feeling a little apprehension at not drinking "Adult Beverages"...i liked the husband's take on it...maybe I'll order a nice cold glass of milk with dinner:rotfxko

I also liked her writing style:-)

GettingStronger2

Well, sure. It has never been an obssession or disease for you. You are a "normie" and can take it or leave it. People don't think about you and drinking, and you have not associated yourself in certain circles in order to maintain your disease. To you, not drinking is not an issue.

It is different for those of us who are alcoholics. Me, i am no longer obessessed with drinking. I don't want to drink. But i hate being confronted with drinking. It isnt that i mind other people drinking. .. but it becomes tricky for us. What do i say? Sorry, i'm a recovering alcoholic, no thank you.

Yes, i can say that. And yes, i am really proud of myself for being in recovery and by all accounts doing well. But one drink can mean my death. And alcoholism still carries a very big stigma. At the same time, alcohol is a huge aprt of society, and we have to live among it.

It just isn't that easy for us, that's all.

LaFemme

It's sort of like asking someone with a major peanut allergy to eat a Peanut Butter cup all the time.

GettingStronger2

That made me laugh. . .

julez

Thanks for sharing LaFemme.

AlcoholicOrNot

Very timely article for me since I've really only attended one social gathering during my early stages of abstinence.

I'm anticipating the next get together with my circle of drinking friends and am preparing my response that they've all heard before: "No thanks, I'm on the wagon". Not quite sure where that phrase came from but I've used it successfully during my many previous attempts at quitting.

Little do they know, the wagon I'm on now has an unlimited gas supply and never breaks down

rws177

Thanks for sharing, that was a great article

DrivingVacation

That's weird cause I'd say with 95% of my friends it's the exact opposite. They run away as fast as they can if I'm drinking. They wont even answer my calls if they know I'm drinking.

LaFemme

DV, be grateful..it means they will probably be really supportive in your recovery:-)

DrivingVacation

I've burned a lot of bridges and while they were there for me in the past, over time a lot have basically given up. Which is fine. I really don't blame them.