First AA Meeting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 36
First AA Meeting
Not my first day of sobriety - that'll be tomorrow with the help of God - but I took a chance and went to a meeting. Told one of the veterans that I was new to AA, and if my having drank today would upset anyone I'd leave straight away. He said no way, I was staying!
I was dreading it. Felt too scared to speak to anyone all day, and all that was running through my head was "How the hell has it come to this?" I don't suppose any young drinker ever really thinks they'll end up in AA, or have to quit for good. I was in for a very pleasant surprise. What a great bunch of people. By the end of it I was laughing and joking for the first time in a week, and felt like I'd known some of these strangers forever.
I'll not lie - the optimism's faded a bit now that I'm back in my room alone, drinking my few remaining beers, terrified of laying down to go to sleep. But I do feel I've given myself a fighting chance now of saving myself before I lose my job, my family and friends, my mind, or my health for good. My problem has been that I can quit for a week or two, even 13 months once, then the old arrogance creeps back in, that false belief that I'm in control of it. I hope the memory that I ended up in an AA meeting, fighting back tears, wil stop me ever being that delusional again.
Some of the best times of my life have been when I was drinking, but the big thing I'm coming to accept is that it hasn't been that way for years and alcohol will NEVER have that positive effect on me again. It doesn't relax me any more, it doesn't make me confident any more, and it sure as **** doesn't make me more fun to be around any more. Like one of the veterans told me, when you cross the line that I've crossed, alcohol can never go back to being fun again.
This has turned into a long old ramble, but suffice to say my eyes have been opened to the potential of AA, and I'd encourage anyone that's cynical about it to go in there with an open mind. I know I'll be back there.
I was dreading it. Felt too scared to speak to anyone all day, and all that was running through my head was "How the hell has it come to this?" I don't suppose any young drinker ever really thinks they'll end up in AA, or have to quit for good. I was in for a very pleasant surprise. What a great bunch of people. By the end of it I was laughing and joking for the first time in a week, and felt like I'd known some of these strangers forever.
I'll not lie - the optimism's faded a bit now that I'm back in my room alone, drinking my few remaining beers, terrified of laying down to go to sleep. But I do feel I've given myself a fighting chance now of saving myself before I lose my job, my family and friends, my mind, or my health for good. My problem has been that I can quit for a week or two, even 13 months once, then the old arrogance creeps back in, that false belief that I'm in control of it. I hope the memory that I ended up in an AA meeting, fighting back tears, wil stop me ever being that delusional again.
Some of the best times of my life have been when I was drinking, but the big thing I'm coming to accept is that it hasn't been that way for years and alcohol will NEVER have that positive effect on me again. It doesn't relax me any more, it doesn't make me confident any more, and it sure as **** doesn't make me more fun to be around any more. Like one of the veterans told me, when you cross the line that I've crossed, alcohol can never go back to being fun again.
This has turned into a long old ramble, but suffice to say my eyes have been opened to the potential of AA, and I'd encourage anyone that's cynical about it to go in there with an open mind. I know I'll be back there.
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Tomm---
good for you...you may have done the hardest thing you'll ever do as it concerns sobriety.
It is hard to separate from alcohol, plain and simple. The disease fights back, and uses any and all means to convince you just how miserable you'll be without alcohol.
If you are finding it hard to wean yourself physically, you may need medical supervision. It depends on how much you've been drinking and how long. Detoxing from alcohol is dangerous, and should not be treated lightly.
But most of all-- welcome. What you did today, drunk or sober, was significant. You are reaching out, and there will be plenty of hands to grab you.
Sleep well.
good for you...you may have done the hardest thing you'll ever do as it concerns sobriety.
It is hard to separate from alcohol, plain and simple. The disease fights back, and uses any and all means to convince you just how miserable you'll be without alcohol.
If you are finding it hard to wean yourself physically, you may need medical supervision. It depends on how much you've been drinking and how long. Detoxing from alcohol is dangerous, and should not be treated lightly.
But most of all-- welcome. What you did today, drunk or sober, was significant. You are reaching out, and there will be plenty of hands to grab you.
Sleep well.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Tomm,
I think we all wonder 'How did it come to this?' when we realize that we are addicted. But, there is so much hope to recover.
And, yes, the addict mind will likely try to trick you into remembering 'the good times'. I think that recognizing the addict mind for what it is, is a huge step in recovery. Then, when you hear it, you know what it is, and you can let it go.
I hope you come back tomorrow and let us know how you're doing.
I think we all wonder 'How did it come to this?' when we realize that we are addicted. But, there is so much hope to recover.
And, yes, the addict mind will likely try to trick you into remembering 'the good times'. I think that recognizing the addict mind for what it is, is a huge step in recovery. Then, when you hear it, you know what it is, and you can let it go.
I hope you come back tomorrow and let us know how you're doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 36
Thanks guys. I think I'll be ok physically now. Generally been a 1-2 day a week binge drinker this year, but this time around I drank heavily from Monday night straight through to last night, morning, noon and night. Had around 5 beers today over the course of 10 hours or so, and I think that'll do the job as far as tapering off goes. I was able to stomach a little food today, and the anxiety and sweats haven't actually been as bad today as they were when I was still drinking heavily yesterday.
Anna, the challenge for me is going to be remembering that the alcohol was essentially peripheral to the genuinely good times. I don't think I've ever had a good time simply because I was drinking, but I know that I've had an awful lot of bad times that simply wouldn't have happened if I hadn't picked up that first drink.
Anna, the challenge for me is going to be remembering that the alcohol was essentially peripheral to the genuinely good times. I don't think I've ever had a good time simply because I was drinking, but I know that I've had an awful lot of bad times that simply wouldn't have happened if I hadn't picked up that first drink.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 138
I went to my first AA last Thursday, truth be told not into the whole God (even "as you understand God")/Spirituality thing and that seems to play a defining role in the stated objectives. However, its not like its a deal breaker, good people there and I'll be back.
This is my second weekend in a row not drinking (I was a weekend binge drinker) and looking back I cannot honestly remember a time in the last 3 or more years were that has occurred. It's nice not feeling tired/dehydrated/having a suppressed appetite and no recollection of the previous night(s), however I'm not gonna lie and say my mind hasn't expressed some thoughts that it is missing the alcohol. It has, it still really isn't a challenge at this point though, but I can see going forward how it will become one put in the wrong situation (surrounded by people drinking).
This is my second weekend in a row not drinking (I was a weekend binge drinker) and looking back I cannot honestly remember a time in the last 3 or more years were that has occurred. It's nice not feeling tired/dehydrated/having a suppressed appetite and no recollection of the previous night(s), however I'm not gonna lie and say my mind hasn't expressed some thoughts that it is missing the alcohol. It has, it still really isn't a challenge at this point though, but I can see going forward how it will become one put in the wrong situation (surrounded by people drinking).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Congratulations and welcome, Tomm. You sound like me at my first AA meeting...I'd been drinking wine before I went to the meeting then afterwords I went home and finished the bottle. AA is wonderful, despite what alot of people think before they try it for the first time. You'll meet some lovely people who really care about you getting well, and the program really does work - not only to help you stop drinking but to live a fuller and more satisfying life.
I sound like a walking ad for AA, don't I? So I should point out that not everyone here at SR does AA, and those who don't can offer a great deal of helpful suggestions and ideas for how to get and stay sober without a formal program. I find both perspectives invaluable in my own recovery.
Keep coming back, and let us know how things are going for you. Hope you sleep well tonight.
I sound like a walking ad for AA, don't I? So I should point out that not everyone here at SR does AA, and those who don't can offer a great deal of helpful suggestions and ideas for how to get and stay sober without a formal program. I find both perspectives invaluable in my own recovery.
Keep coming back, and let us know how things are going for you. Hope you sleep well tonight.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Tomm, I think that step through the doors of our first AA meeting is one of the most difficult any of us will ever take. But, man, what a relief to find out it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be, huh? Keep going back; it's worked for over 2 million people, and there's no reason it can't work for you. Thanks for being here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello tomm and welcome to sr.
glad you got to AA.
i was broekn and beat when i walked through the doors.i had had enough.
AA is a fantastic was of life,and mine has changed beyond recognition since applying the steps.its become a way of life that is infinately better than my old one.
keep us updated on your progress.
glad you got to AA.
i was broekn and beat when i walked through the doors.i had had enough.
AA is a fantastic was of life,and mine has changed beyond recognition since applying the steps.its become a way of life that is infinately better than my old one.
keep us updated on your progress.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey man.
I was a blackout binge drinker too. I could stop for a couple of weeks after a really bad remorseful bender and then I'd be gagging to get wasted again to get some 'release' and restbite from myself and the world.
I remember my first AA meeting. It's a big step going to AA and remember that most people who walk into AA are probably alcoholics. Despite what the denial/rationalisation of the alkie mind might start whispering to you after a few weeks/months when you start to feel better and your life smoothes out again.
I relate to your drinking pattern and style quite a bit. I got sober at 23 and I'm 24 now with 13+ months sober.
Try not to think about it like 'quit for good'. That may help you, partiularly when experincing a rough-time through Xmas, Parties, NYE etcetcetc. Just make sure that you don't drink 'just for today'. That's the only day that matters. Keep doing that everyday and the weeks/months/years will begin to stack up.
I know how hard it is being young and alcoholic in UK. You really have to make sure that you are totally acceptant that the first drink is the one that gets you. Not the 10th, 20th etc. Stay away from the first drink at all costs 'just for today'.
It's maintaing sobriety that's the real deal. It's a daily work in progress for me. I use SR, AA + much wisdom from elsewhere too. I know that I don't think how I used to now and that is what has kept me sober primarily. There is much work to be done in recovery but the results are worth it.
The sense of accomplishment and that you're on the right path are priceless.
All The Best.
I was a blackout binge drinker too. I could stop for a couple of weeks after a really bad remorseful bender and then I'd be gagging to get wasted again to get some 'release' and restbite from myself and the world.
I remember my first AA meeting. It's a big step going to AA and remember that most people who walk into AA are probably alcoholics. Despite what the denial/rationalisation of the alkie mind might start whispering to you after a few weeks/months when you start to feel better and your life smoothes out again.
I relate to your drinking pattern and style quite a bit. I got sober at 23 and I'm 24 now with 13+ months sober.
Try not to think about it like 'quit for good'. That may help you, partiularly when experincing a rough-time through Xmas, Parties, NYE etcetcetc. Just make sure that you don't drink 'just for today'. That's the only day that matters. Keep doing that everyday and the weeks/months/years will begin to stack up.
I know how hard it is being young and alcoholic in UK. You really have to make sure that you are totally acceptant that the first drink is the one that gets you. Not the 10th, 20th etc. Stay away from the first drink at all costs 'just for today'.
It's maintaing sobriety that's the real deal. It's a daily work in progress for me. I use SR, AA + much wisdom from elsewhere too. I know that I don't think how I used to now and that is what has kept me sober primarily. There is much work to be done in recovery but the results are worth it.
The sense of accomplishment and that you're on the right path are priceless.
All The Best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 36
Thanks guys. Just woke up. Don't feel as bad as I feared physically. A sore head and bit of a dodgy stomach, but nothing unbearable. Just feel absolutely empty mentally and emotionally. Trying to tell myself it'll pass, but it really doesn't feel that way right now.
Not deluding myself into thinking another drink today would help though, which is a small positive. By the time I went to finish my final beer last night, it tasted repulsive to me and I was struggling to keep it down.
Not deluding myself into thinking another drink today would help though, which is a small positive. By the time I went to finish my final beer last night, it tasted repulsive to me and I was struggling to keep it down.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey man. Thanks for posting. Glad you're feeling not too bad physically. I relate to that "absolutely empty" mental and emotional feeling, or lack of any feeling.
Although it was over 13 months ago I can remember the comedown of my last binge like it was yesterday. I can also remember many of the other binges where I was feeling totally and utterly lost and beaten.
I relate to struggling to keep that last beer down. I remember probably about 18 months ago early on a Monday morning, after a binge from Friday night, buying 8 cans of K cider. I used to drink that stuff quite a lot as it was 8.4% and dirt cheap, you probably know the 'tramp juice'. I remember getting home at about 9.00am and standing over the sink as I cracked a can open and just the smell of it made me vomit loads into the sink. Then proceeded to down about 4 cans in one and pass out in my bed untill about 4.00pm. Where I woke up and strted on the last 4. There was no fun there and I was drinking to make myself unconscious.
I must never forget what it was like being an active alcoholic, so thanks for reminding me. I mean that in the best possible way mate.
I can only end up not back in the terrible state that i used to get myself into by not taking that first drink. I haven't been sick in the last 13+ months. I used to have a sickbowl (Icecream tub) under my bed permanently, as being sick was a regular occurence and I just took it as a given.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
All The Best mate.
Although it was over 13 months ago I can remember the comedown of my last binge like it was yesterday. I can also remember many of the other binges where I was feeling totally and utterly lost and beaten.
I relate to struggling to keep that last beer down. I remember probably about 18 months ago early on a Monday morning, after a binge from Friday night, buying 8 cans of K cider. I used to drink that stuff quite a lot as it was 8.4% and dirt cheap, you probably know the 'tramp juice'. I remember getting home at about 9.00am and standing over the sink as I cracked a can open and just the smell of it made me vomit loads into the sink. Then proceeded to down about 4 cans in one and pass out in my bed untill about 4.00pm. Where I woke up and strted on the last 4. There was no fun there and I was drinking to make myself unconscious.
I must never forget what it was like being an active alcoholic, so thanks for reminding me. I mean that in the best possible way mate.
I can only end up not back in the terrible state that i used to get myself into by not taking that first drink. I haven't been sick in the last 13+ months. I used to have a sickbowl (Icecream tub) under my bed permanently, as being sick was a regular occurence and I just took it as a given.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
All The Best mate.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Tomm 
all that was running through my head was "How the hell has it come to this?"
But then it would hit me like a ton of bricks: most of those guys had weeks.....months.......or years sober. "If those losers could do it I knew I was capable of doing it," ran through my head over and over. My ego gave me some hope.
Originally Posted by Tomm
the optimism's faded a bit now that I'm back in my room alone, drinking my few remaining beers, terrified of laying down to go to sleep. I do feel I've given myself a fighting chance now of saving myself before I lose my job, my family and friends, my mind, or my health for good. My problem has been that I can quit for a week or two, even 13 months once, then the old arrogance creeps back in, that false belief that I'm in control of it. I hope the memory that I ended up in an AA meeting, fighting back tears, will stop me ever being that delusional again.
I hope and pray you find your way brother. Keep coming to the meetings, talk honestly and openly and hang out with the winners - the ppl who understand you and have found a way to be TRULY happy without drinking.
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