desperate & heartbreaking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
desperate & heartbreaking
I have a 21 year old son that is spiraling down hill and my heart is more than breaking. He's pushing us away and says he doesn't want to stop using. He says he can't live his life without being high. He has been to several rehabs in the past, even jail time for underage drinking and violation of probation.
He can't stand traditional rehab and says the doctors don't know what the heck they are talking about, especially if they haven't ever had and addiction.
I know I can't force him to want help. I just can't believe we've come this far so fast.
This past month he has made three trips to the hospital. I only new of two of the trips to the hospital. One of the visits to the emergency room and admittance was for chronic stomach pain and vomitting. They diagnoised him with Pancreatisis. (the cause is from his EXCESSIVE ALCOHOL USE and I've got to believe all the other abuses....acid, pot, cocaine, lsa....sleep aids) LORD HELP HIM!
Then this Wednesday he was in our home. He has no money, no job and has no where to go. He has pawned most of his valuables, short of his car for money. His mood was he was wanting to get help. Suboxone.....
I want to believe him but my heart says he's grasping for another high, anything until he can get more money.
This same afternoon he seemed fine, little did I know he had just drank DXM/DMX??? and the higher he got the more he told me. He said he had spent all his money on heroin these past three months. Then he started talking about getting high and passing out in the Atl airport, coming too in an ambulance on his way to a hospital. I AM HEARING THIS FOR THE very first time and my heart is sinking.
He told me he was released from the hospital 8 hours later and went back to the airport and caught a flight like nothing had ever happened.
Soon he is so out of it, he can't stand up and is in and out of conciousness.)
I didn't know what to do so I took him to the emergency room and
now it's Saturday and he's still there. From what I understand the Dr. has taken over his healthcare and there is a security guard watching him , they are looking to place him in a treatment center that will take him without insurance. HE says he won't go or if he does he will b.s. his way through it.
He says he wants NO help, he just wants to live his own life. He tells me to stop worrying about him and get on with my life. I AM GOING CRAZY.
It breaks my heart that he is choosing DEATH. I have told him I don't want him to die. He has the whole I don't care attitude and no FEAR, it's his life.....yadda, yadda, yadda. I don't want to believe he really believes this. I want to believe deep down he wants help. He has built up such a wall around himself.
Hope and prayers is all I have but I am so afraid of the future.
I know I am venting, I guess I am looking for some miracle advice....as I said my heart is breaking for him and I feel so desperate.
He can't stand traditional rehab and says the doctors don't know what the heck they are talking about, especially if they haven't ever had and addiction.
I know I can't force him to want help. I just can't believe we've come this far so fast.
This past month he has made three trips to the hospital. I only new of two of the trips to the hospital. One of the visits to the emergency room and admittance was for chronic stomach pain and vomitting. They diagnoised him with Pancreatisis. (the cause is from his EXCESSIVE ALCOHOL USE and I've got to believe all the other abuses....acid, pot, cocaine, lsa....sleep aids) LORD HELP HIM!
Then this Wednesday he was in our home. He has no money, no job and has no where to go. He has pawned most of his valuables, short of his car for money. His mood was he was wanting to get help. Suboxone.....
I want to believe him but my heart says he's grasping for another high, anything until he can get more money.
This same afternoon he seemed fine, little did I know he had just drank DXM/DMX??? and the higher he got the more he told me. He said he had spent all his money on heroin these past three months. Then he started talking about getting high and passing out in the Atl airport, coming too in an ambulance on his way to a hospital. I AM HEARING THIS FOR THE very first time and my heart is sinking.
He told me he was released from the hospital 8 hours later and went back to the airport and caught a flight like nothing had ever happened.
Soon he is so out of it, he can't stand up and is in and out of conciousness.)
I didn't know what to do so I took him to the emergency room and
now it's Saturday and he's still there. From what I understand the Dr. has taken over his healthcare and there is a security guard watching him , they are looking to place him in a treatment center that will take him without insurance. HE says he won't go or if he does he will b.s. his way through it.
He says he wants NO help, he just wants to live his own life. He tells me to stop worrying about him and get on with my life. I AM GOING CRAZY.
It breaks my heart that he is choosing DEATH. I have told him I don't want him to die. He has the whole I don't care attitude and no FEAR, it's his life.....yadda, yadda, yadda. I don't want to believe he really believes this. I want to believe deep down he wants help. He has built up such a wall around himself.
Hope and prayers is all I have but I am so afraid of the future.
I know I am venting, I guess I am looking for some miracle advice....as I said my heart is breaking for him and I feel so desperate.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 86
I have 3 grown children, and I can't even imagine the hell of watching one of them self-destructing like that.
I'm on the other side of the fence, though - I am an alcohol addict. I can only tell you that there is probably very little you can do to help him. There are things you can do to help yourself, though. Please check out the forums here for the family and friends of addicts. It may help you understand and give you some small measure of peace.
God Bless.
I'm on the other side of the fence, though - I am an alcohol addict. I can only tell you that there is probably very little you can do to help him. There are things you can do to help yourself, though. Please check out the forums here for the family and friends of addicts. It may help you understand and give you some small measure of peace.
God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
I wish I knew what to tell you, Treading. As a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you that I had to admit that I had a problem before anything would help. A few months before I quit drinking, my Mom had suggested I get help. I wasn't ready yet. It wasn't until I clearly saw and wholeheartedly admitted that I had a problem that I was able to quit drinking. I can't really explain the difference between knowing I had a problem and admitting that I had a problem. It's just a feeling, an epiphany, or an out-of-body experience somehow.
Unfortunately until your son can step outside the drugging and have this epiphany, there isn't a whole lot you can do. I can imagine your pain in watching your son go through this - in fact it does bring tears to my eyes.
Don't give up on him. Love him. But understand that his drug use is a demon and a battle that he is going to have to ultimately stand up against and start fighting on his own. Once he starts his fight, be there and support him through it. For his sake and yours, I hope he recognizes this soon and starts to fight the battle.
Stay strong, and keep posting - particularly in the Friends and Families forum. You will find a lot of support on this site.
Peace and hugs
~Omega
Unfortunately until your son can step outside the drugging and have this epiphany, there isn't a whole lot you can do. I can imagine your pain in watching your son go through this - in fact it does bring tears to my eyes.
Don't give up on him. Love him. But understand that his drug use is a demon and a battle that he is going to have to ultimately stand up against and start fighting on his own. Once he starts his fight, be there and support him through it. For his sake and yours, I hope he recognizes this soon and starts to fight the battle.
Stay strong, and keep posting - particularly in the Friends and Families forum. You will find a lot of support on this site.
Peace and hugs
~Omega
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Hello and welcome to our SR family, you are in the right place, vent all you want. I am so sad what u are going through, it must be so awful, I am sending up a prayer for you and your family. Right now you need to leave your son in the hands of HP, show him love and compassion. You need to take care of you. Please keep posting and read some posts, there are so many wonderful people here to give u the support you need. Remember, you can't CONTROL it, you didn't CAUSE it and you can't CURE it. (((HUGS)))
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
treadingwater - I just want to put my arms around you. I'm a mom, too, and have had issues the past two years with my children which rendered me feeling helpless and heartbroken as well. I'm also an alcoholic and know how powerful addiction can be.
Whether we're in the addiction or outside looking in, we have to have support to deal with it. Have you ever considered AlAnon or counseling for yourself? Regardless of whether your son gets treatment, you have to take care of YOU, and that may mean getting help.
I hope things change for the better soon. Sending prayers and hugs.......
Whether we're in the addiction or outside looking in, we have to have support to deal with it. Have you ever considered AlAnon or counseling for yourself? Regardless of whether your son gets treatment, you have to take care of YOU, and that may mean getting help.
I hope things change for the better soon. Sending prayers and hugs.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Thank you everyone. My stomach is in knots. I know what you are all saying is so true. I have such despair since my son DOES admit he has a problem. He says he doesn't want to get better. He can't live without using.
I just wish I could LOVE him clean, but I know that I can't, which is such a terrible feeling.
He is still being confined to the hospital. ICC/ICU of all places...with a guard/attendant sitting outside his window. I spoke with his nurse and she did say he is starting to get irritable asking when he can leave. I did ask her what would happen if he tried to leave, she said the may sedate him. They realize that he is a harm to himself. They are waiting to put him in a treatment center that will accept him without insurance.
At this point I think he needs more than drug treatment, he need psych care.
He is so in his own reality. What's so crazy is he is so adamant about not wanting to get better. Now isn't that insane?
My other concern is he doesn't have any insurance. I don't know how we are going to handle all these hospital bills he has been accummulating. One more stressor.
Thank you again for all your prayers. Please pray the LORD will open my son's eyes and give him the strength to want to help himself. I am praying for a miracle!!
I just wish I could LOVE him clean, but I know that I can't, which is such a terrible feeling.
He is still being confined to the hospital. ICC/ICU of all places...with a guard/attendant sitting outside his window. I spoke with his nurse and she did say he is starting to get irritable asking when he can leave. I did ask her what would happen if he tried to leave, she said the may sedate him. They realize that he is a harm to himself. They are waiting to put him in a treatment center that will accept him without insurance.
At this point I think he needs more than drug treatment, he need psych care.
He is so in his own reality. What's so crazy is he is so adamant about not wanting to get better. Now isn't that insane?
My other concern is he doesn't have any insurance. I don't know how we are going to handle all these hospital bills he has been accummulating. One more stressor.
Thank you again for all your prayers. Please pray the LORD will open my son's eyes and give him the strength to want to help himself. I am praying for a miracle!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,600
It's definitely hard, if not impossible, to think rationally when we are caught up in addiction.
Stopping an addiction and beginning recovery is a very scary thought to an addict. I had no idea how I would manage to get through my life without alcohol. The addiction works very hard to keep us dependent and stuck.
And, many of us need help with mental issues, as that is often a root cause of addiction. It sounds like your son is getting the help he needs and that's what is most important at this moment.
Stopping an addiction and beginning recovery is a very scary thought to an addict. I had no idea how I would manage to get through my life without alcohol. The addiction works very hard to keep us dependent and stuck.
And, many of us need help with mental issues, as that is often a root cause of addiction. It sounds like your son is getting the help he needs and that's what is most important at this moment.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Hi Anna, Yes you are right. I can only hope and pray that he will come to his senses. This has been such a long on going battle and he is so young. It's hard to believe that he would outwardly choose to keep living the way he is living.
It is so hard to hear him say he doesn't care and other quotes like... you play you pay....it's not quanity, but quality, everyone has to die sometime. UGH!!! HE CAN'T REALLY MEAN IT??
These drugs are definitely demonic!!!
Depending on his moods...he can be the I'll show you type of person.
Very bullheaded. I know it adds up to alot of PRIDE most of which in the long run hurts himself by his rebellion. He has been like this his whole life, even as a very small child. He was always testing and a risk taker, very impulsive and seemed at times to have no fear. A typical child with ADD.
I just wish he could turn it around for good, he has so much potential!
It is so hard to hear him say he doesn't care and other quotes like... you play you pay....it's not quanity, but quality, everyone has to die sometime. UGH!!! HE CAN'T REALLY MEAN IT??
These drugs are definitely demonic!!!
Depending on his moods...he can be the I'll show you type of person.
Very bullheaded. I know it adds up to alot of PRIDE most of which in the long run hurts himself by his rebellion. He has been like this his whole life, even as a very small child. He was always testing and a risk taker, very impulsive and seemed at times to have no fear. A typical child with ADD.
I just wish he could turn it around for good, he has so much potential!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: north carolina
Posts: 74
Hi Treading - I wish you the best - addiction is a terrible thing. Just know that you are not alone in this, and that this site can be a great resource. Keep fighting for him.
It is true what Anna said - ultimately there comes a point where the addict needs to say - enough, I need to get out of this, and commit to doing it.
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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
It is true what Anna said - ultimately there comes a point where the addict needs to say - enough, I need to get out of this, and commit to doing it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 35
Thank you for telling your story. My father quit talking to me three weeks ago due to my drinking. My mom and him sit over there (they live across the street)
and fret about me. I have gave them the same story of how I will quit when I'm ready. I quit 7 days ago but haven't told them in the case I relapse. Your story prompted me to call them tonight at 11:30 to let them know I haven't been drinking all this last week. You could almost feel the relief over the phone. I and they thank you for your story. I wish you and your son the best.
and fret about me. I have gave them the same story of how I will quit when I'm ready. I quit 7 days ago but haven't told them in the case I relapse. Your story prompted me to call them tonight at 11:30 to let them know I haven't been drinking all this last week. You could almost feel the relief over the phone. I and they thank you for your story. I wish you and your son the best.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Please take a look at our Friends and Family forums for a lot of support and good info. 
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Treadingwater)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
I'm a recovering addict, as well as a recovering codependent. I also happen to live in the Atlanta area. I'm not sure what treatment facilities there are for uninsured, but the fact that they know he is a danger to himself is a GOOD thing (I used to be a nurse). They have to hold him there.
In all honesty, if he's 21, YOU don't have to worry about his hospital bills, HE does. Not trying to sound heartless, but he's legally an adult. I've got over 3 years clean and I'm STILL paying financial consequences for my addiction and will be for quite a while. I'm way older than your son, but that's not the point.
I also said "I don't want to live if I can't get high" many a time. Said it right up until the night I got locked up for almost 6 months....had every intention of getting right back out and getting high, again, for probably a couple more months. However, as time went by and the "dope fog" cleared, I realized that my life, on dope, wasn't that great. I was addicted to crack, and though there is no PHYSICAL withdrawal, there is plenty of mental withdrawal.
I don't know what will happen with your son. I know you're hurting. I hope you will check out the thread ((Least)) posted above...lots of parents and loved ones of addicts, there, who know exactly what you're going through.
The hardest thing to accept is that we can't love them clean. I have loved ones who are still addicts, and even knowing addiction from an addict's point of view, I can't do anything but step back and let them find their own way. Love them? I absolutely do. However, we have a saying here..."hands off the addict". My family did it for me, and I will forever be grateful, especially now that I realize how hard it is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm a recovering addict, as well as a recovering codependent. I also happen to live in the Atlanta area. I'm not sure what treatment facilities there are for uninsured, but the fact that they know he is a danger to himself is a GOOD thing (I used to be a nurse). They have to hold him there.
In all honesty, if he's 21, YOU don't have to worry about his hospital bills, HE does. Not trying to sound heartless, but he's legally an adult. I've got over 3 years clean and I'm STILL paying financial consequences for my addiction and will be for quite a while. I'm way older than your son, but that's not the point.
I also said "I don't want to live if I can't get high" many a time. Said it right up until the night I got locked up for almost 6 months....had every intention of getting right back out and getting high, again, for probably a couple more months. However, as time went by and the "dope fog" cleared, I realized that my life, on dope, wasn't that great. I was addicted to crack, and though there is no PHYSICAL withdrawal, there is plenty of mental withdrawal.
I don't know what will happen with your son. I know you're hurting. I hope you will check out the thread ((Least)) posted above...lots of parents and loved ones of addicts, there, who know exactly what you're going through.
The hardest thing to accept is that we can't love them clean. I have loved ones who are still addicts, and even knowing addiction from an addict's point of view, I can't do anything but step back and let them find their own way. Love them? I absolutely do. However, we have a saying here..."hands off the addict". My family did it for me, and I will forever be grateful, especially now that I realize how hard it is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
mftrader >> I'm very happy that you decided to call your parents. I can only imagine how happy they were to hear from you, especially since you have been working on recovery. I hope you continue to keep pursuing an alcohol/drug free life. Reach out to people, especially your parents when you are feeling like you need a helping hand.
We all know this isn't easy.
It is gut wrenching as a parent to continually see my son self destruct and for our family not to be able to do anything about it. Our actions and words mean nothing, my heart sinks!
How I wish there was no such thing as drug and alcohol addiction this is a living hell and nightmare for everyone.
I hate how my son tries to push us away. He wants to make his own decisions and doesn't like being accountible to anyone, especially us parents. I know this is all part of his addictive behavior, since his decisions have been atrocious.
He was transported from the hospital on Sunday afternoon to a crisis unit, State ordered. I know he has seen a physician during the day and they have group meetings.
He is hoping to leave by Friday. They do want an action plan of what he will do.
He has ruled out a 12 step program and is wanting to do out patient suboxone.
I get very leary with him still wanting to control his recovery. My feeling is if you want to get clean you would take any help thrown your way.
I know I am sounding like a control freak. LOL! But he's been to a 12 step program early on before he hit his new level of drug use. He's also been to a wilderness program HE HATED IT....I don't blame him.. (approx. 10 weeks of living outside in the elements...roughing it), from there he went to a theraputic community for approx. (9 months). Oh, and a bit of jail time here and there.
I have been trying to read as much as I can about this drug suboxone.
I really pray that he's not playing us again, he hasn't had a very good track record.
He is so strong-willed and determined about having his own way...you would think that he could funnel that same will power towards staying clean.
I am so drained with worry.
I want his life, my life and my families life back!!!!
Hugs to everyone, thank you for all your support and advice.
We all know this isn't easy.
It is gut wrenching as a parent to continually see my son self destruct and for our family not to be able to do anything about it. Our actions and words mean nothing, my heart sinks!
How I wish there was no such thing as drug and alcohol addiction this is a living hell and nightmare for everyone.
I hate how my son tries to push us away. He wants to make his own decisions and doesn't like being accountible to anyone, especially us parents. I know this is all part of his addictive behavior, since his decisions have been atrocious.
He was transported from the hospital on Sunday afternoon to a crisis unit, State ordered. I know he has seen a physician during the day and they have group meetings.
He is hoping to leave by Friday. They do want an action plan of what he will do.
He has ruled out a 12 step program and is wanting to do out patient suboxone.
I get very leary with him still wanting to control his recovery. My feeling is if you want to get clean you would take any help thrown your way.
I know I am sounding like a control freak. LOL! But he's been to a 12 step program early on before he hit his new level of drug use. He's also been to a wilderness program HE HATED IT....I don't blame him.. (approx. 10 weeks of living outside in the elements...roughing it), from there he went to a theraputic community for approx. (9 months). Oh, and a bit of jail time here and there.
I have been trying to read as much as I can about this drug suboxone.
I really pray that he's not playing us again, he hasn't had a very good track record.
He is so strong-willed and determined about having his own way...you would think that he could funnel that same will power towards staying clean.
I am so drained with worry.
I want his life, my life and my families life back!!!!
Hugs to everyone, thank you for all your support and advice.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Hello Treadingwater. I don't have many answers, but I do definitely understand what you're going through. My son is 22 and a heroin addict. He's been in and out of jail, detox, and rehab and is still struggling with the disease of his addiction, even after about 10 or more months clean. This last episode he bottomed out faster than before, (which is usually what happens since it is a progressive disease, whether or not one is actually using, the disease is still there....waiting). I wasn't with him for a while when this first started happening so I don't know his usual M.O. However, this time he is starting to get it..he realizes he's caught in the hamster's wheel, and wants help and has reached out to get it. Unfortunately, he's been turned away from a couple of programs because he was still using, even if intermittently.
He's been through the ER situation, winding up being placed in a mental health unit for a while and put on psych meds, which he later quit using, not liking the way they made him feel. He's thinking about doing it again, since there's no beds at detox or rehab and he's caught in a real bind, now that he quit his job to go to rehab. I wish I could call the 'Pet Team' and help him get to an ER for help, since by using heroin he really is a danger to himself...but they send police....then he violates probation...and goes to prison or jail. It's a real catch 22 when someone's on heroin and wants to get better. There are plently of resources out there if one does want to stop using.
I empathize with your situation. In some ways it was a blessing that your son wound up in the ER under close watch so he could get the help he needs. There are pros and cons about Suboxone and I'm still learning. The good news is that it helps satiate the opiate receptors so your son doesn't have to abuse and use illegal drugs. I understand that Suboxone works if one is in an active program of therapy and recovery so they can get to the bottom of their addiction. the bad news is that Suboxone can also be addicting and it only masks the real addiction problem.
It's also so hard when our children are this young, but society sees them as adults. Fact is they're so young and so delayed from growing up by having used for the time that they have and haven't learned how to cope with life's frustrations and challenges. Also, it seems that because they are so young they don't really see how they're messing up their lives....
I am sorry your son went into the ER but thank God he's stabilized. Maybe this experience will help him realize the dangers of his choices. Definitely research more about Suboxone and discuss it with the doctor's prescribing it. Are there other longer term free treatment (dual diagnosis type) programs he can go into for a while before he just gets out and goes on Suboxone. He needs the benefit of being able to get away from his regular pattern of living and hopefully get a perspective on his using. It would also give you a chance to go to Al-Anon meetings and develop the strength and support you need, we all need.
I really feel for you...it's so hard being a mom....wanting them to get off the drugs and get on with their life...hoping each time it will be better. I hope it will be for you and your son.
He's been through the ER situation, winding up being placed in a mental health unit for a while and put on psych meds, which he later quit using, not liking the way they made him feel. He's thinking about doing it again, since there's no beds at detox or rehab and he's caught in a real bind, now that he quit his job to go to rehab. I wish I could call the 'Pet Team' and help him get to an ER for help, since by using heroin he really is a danger to himself...but they send police....then he violates probation...and goes to prison or jail. It's a real catch 22 when someone's on heroin and wants to get better. There are plently of resources out there if one does want to stop using.
I empathize with your situation. In some ways it was a blessing that your son wound up in the ER under close watch so he could get the help he needs. There are pros and cons about Suboxone and I'm still learning. The good news is that it helps satiate the opiate receptors so your son doesn't have to abuse and use illegal drugs. I understand that Suboxone works if one is in an active program of therapy and recovery so they can get to the bottom of their addiction. the bad news is that Suboxone can also be addicting and it only masks the real addiction problem.
It's also so hard when our children are this young, but society sees them as adults. Fact is they're so young and so delayed from growing up by having used for the time that they have and haven't learned how to cope with life's frustrations and challenges. Also, it seems that because they are so young they don't really see how they're messing up their lives....
I am sorry your son went into the ER but thank God he's stabilized. Maybe this experience will help him realize the dangers of his choices. Definitely research more about Suboxone and discuss it with the doctor's prescribing it. Are there other longer term free treatment (dual diagnosis type) programs he can go into for a while before he just gets out and goes on Suboxone. He needs the benefit of being able to get away from his regular pattern of living and hopefully get a perspective on his using. It would also give you a chance to go to Al-Anon meetings and develop the strength and support you need, we all need.
I really feel for you...it's so hard being a mom....wanting them to get off the drugs and get on with their life...hoping each time it will be better. I hope it will be for you and your son.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Thats a very similar story to me and my mother...i was doing the same at that age and my mother was doing the same as you...it didn't help me at all and i didn't get sober till 38...
My Mother used to write a death list of what i had consumed and stick it on the fridge, she would make the list from the empty bottles and other stuff...
She took me to a psychologist and i BS'd my way through, a counselor the same...money, talks with her...nothing was of any help at all...nothing that she did or said stopped me from using...
This actually carried on until 3 years ago when i felt had to break contact with her because for almost 20 years everytime i got in trouble she would be there and i would move back home for a bit until i got on my feet and then i would be off again...i started reading a bit before i got sober and saw her part as an enabler and for her sake and mine cut off contact.
When i went to AA she was one of my top resentments...all that effort on her part over the years and she was top of my list of resentments! I still struggle today relationship wise with her and thats something to work on...
My point is the best thing my mother could have done for me was to let me be and tell me that she loved me but she was not going to bail me out of any of the consequences i had from using etc and stuck to that...i'm sure your son will find a new enabler in his life, e.g. girlfriend/wife but at least it wont be you and when he gets help and changes you will hopefully have a great relationship with him:-)
My Mother used to write a death list of what i had consumed and stick it on the fridge, she would make the list from the empty bottles and other stuff...
She took me to a psychologist and i BS'd my way through, a counselor the same...money, talks with her...nothing was of any help at all...nothing that she did or said stopped me from using...
This actually carried on until 3 years ago when i felt had to break contact with her because for almost 20 years everytime i got in trouble she would be there and i would move back home for a bit until i got on my feet and then i would be off again...i started reading a bit before i got sober and saw her part as an enabler and for her sake and mine cut off contact.
When i went to AA she was one of my top resentments...all that effort on her part over the years and she was top of my list of resentments! I still struggle today relationship wise with her and thats something to work on...
My point is the best thing my mother could have done for me was to let me be and tell me that she loved me but she was not going to bail me out of any of the consequences i had from using etc and stuck to that...i'm sure your son will find a new enabler in his life, e.g. girlfriend/wife but at least it wont be you and when he gets help and changes you will hopefully have a great relationship with him:-)
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