ErinNC

Wow! I never knew sobriety could be such a roller-coaster ride. I'm currently in AA and have a sponsor and have made some awesome friends. I thought life would become "easier" when I got sober. Boy, was I wrong!!! There are so many things going on now that I'm just barely getting through. I could really use everyone's support.

Right now I am living with my parents because my husband and I are separated. I don't have enough money to go out and get my own place yet. I have found lately that the atmosphere feels a little "weird". I know I haven't been around the house a whole lot because I go to a lot of meetings in the evening. During the day I have a part time nanny job and when I come back I go to my room and study for the online class that I'm taking. I do contribute a little around the house. Maybe not as much as I should. Here is my latest drama since I separated from my husband. I got a new sponsor because my first one and I have become such close friends that she couldn't be firm with me like she should. I agreed with that. My main issue now is I'm questioning whether I'm bi-sexual or a lesbian. That is a journey I have to face on my own but last week somehow my mom found out about it. I was taken by total surprise. I thought my sponsor was the only one that knew! Till my mom asked, what's this about you being gay? I played dumb at first but she could see right through it. Finally I said that I wasn't sure yet and I was eventually going to tell the family when I knew for sure. She said she wants me to be open to them but I wanted to make sure first before I told them. She says she is open minded but then said that wasn't the life she had planned for me and how difficult it is to live that lifestyle. But she didn't want me living a lie either. Ever since then my whole family has been short with me. Like they don't know what to say. It sucks since I live in the same house! On top of that I have strong feelings towards my best friend. I did tell her and she said she is glad I told her and she didn't want to ruin our close friendship. I do understand that completely. I don't want to ruin that either! I'm thinking maybe that's my HP confirming that I am a lesbian. I don't know what to think anymore.

I have thought about drinking but never wanted to act on it. Just needing some support. Thank you so much! Everyone here has been awesome!

intention

Hi Erin,

Good to see you posting here. You do seem to be going through a lot of confusing and difficult things right now. I just wondered where are you with working the Steps?

ErinNC

Since I have a new sponsor we are going to start at step 1. With my first sponsor I was on step 4.

DayTrader

I made the same mistake. I assumed if I got all spiritual, helped others, hung out with my HP, and so forth that my life would be pretty close to perfect.....or at least pretty awesome all the time.

"I think" now that problems are just part of life..... and my reactions to those problems (ie, how much power I give to them) has drastically improved.... so it lets me feel as if those problems aren't really that bad after all. So, if my problems aren't really that bad, my life IS pretty awesome - at least it feels that way.

**{I dunno... I'm in a odd frame of mind today so none of that (or what follows) might make any sense - lol}}

It reminds me of page 62 in the BB where it says something about our problems are of our own making. Although we don't make ALL of em up, I sure as heck made them FEEL worse than most of them probably really were. By not doing that anymore (or by doing it less), it feels like life's pretty cool.

So....... if it was possible to theoretically possible to classify my life as "crappy" but it feels good to me anyway - as far as I'm concerned I have a good life. That's better than what it used to be which was: being able to "prove" to the world that I was a high-level functioning partier / drinker who was really smart, successful and powerful yet I felt like a piece of crap all the time.

beachdog19

Hi Erin,

Just wanted to say take it slow; you don't need to figure it all out right now.

Work the steps honestly and thoroughly, with your sponsor, and more will be revealed about your sexuality and everything else.

It's a roller-coaster ride for me, too. I've been sober a long time (almost 19 years), but recently came back after many years without meetings. I feel like a newcomer a lot these days, very emotional and just hanging on. Lots of uncertainty and anxiety in my life, but that is of course why God picked me and up and dropped me back into AA after so long.

My life is in a fair bit of turmoil and I don't always handle it well, but if I don't use or drink, it will get better, I know. Same goes for all of us, I suppose.

I wish you the best in your journey...Be true to yourself.

intention

Hi Erin,

You have been through a lot with the break up of your marriage, change of living environment, not to mention giving up alcohol and all that entails. The steps are a process which removes all the issues from our past which block us from accessing our HP. So I would suggest that you wait until you have worked through the steps before you start tackling the big questions like 'are you lesbian or bi-sexual', 'how do you really feel about your best friend'.

By the time you have had a spiritual awakening when you have worked through the steps, the bigger questions like this in your life will be easier to answer for you. You will be more aware of when it is HP trying to tell you something rather than trying to guess your way through it.

I would also suggest whether it is a man or a woman that you don't enter into a new relationship until you have done this work. Many alcoholics find that when they give up the booze they can be very needy and that can lead them far too quickly into relationships which can end up causing more harm ......and ultimately lead them back to the bottle if they put the new relationship before working the program.

The most important thing here is for you to find a way to live a happy life being sober. It does get easier, once you have worked through the steps.
Good luck. Keep in touch.

hendershot

Early on someone told me that sobriety is not a straight line--a fact sometimes obscured in meetings where some paint in broad strokes about how great the program is. It is great, but life happens. My goal is always progress over time. There will continually be setbacks. I can guaruntee that if you stick with AA and sobriety that your life will be better off a year from now and even better in two years, etc.

ErinNC

Thank you everyone! All your responses helped me out so much!!! My new sponsor said the same things you guys did! So Thank you for the reassurance! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Music

Early sobriety is rough. Life seems to be all over the place, trying new meetings, getting the steps going and making changes I never thought I'd make. One thing that helped me deal with it was remembering how rough it was "out there." Drinking was no piece of cake. I was miserable most if not all the time. Just keep going ahead and eventually things will even out. There will always be speed bumps in daily life but dealing with them sober is a lot better and easier than dealing with them drunk.

DayTrader

As I used to say back in the 80's......... WERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!!

shaun00

yes......life viewed through the "wide screen" takes some getting used too..

kinda like growing a new skin...........and the simple fact is life is tough sometimes.......no more burying my head in the sand or rounding off the sharp edges.

but then i think about what life was like with booze in it........i was the typical whirlwind......taking others close to me on a roller coaster of misery with me.

i like my life as it is........as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes.....

stay on the roller coaster........the dips get shallower.....the lows level out and life can and does become something beyond your comprehension.

best wishes.......

keithj

As others have mentioned, Erin, early sobriety is not easy. Not by a long shot. Here's an observation, though, that indicates where you are at.

One short paragraph mentioning sponsorship and the Steps, a long page talking about other problems.

If you are truly an alcoholic like described in the Big Book, and you haven't treated that fatal condition with a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps, then your main issue is alcoholism. All the other perceived issues in your life will just get in the way and distract you from that real issue of alcoholism.

I have never seen someone recover from alcoholism by focusing on their other issues. I have watched many recover by single-mindedly making progress in the Steps at the expense of all other things in their life.

And strange as it may sound, those other issues seem to take care of themselves. Being recovered places us in a position to know how to handle life.

Keep it simple. Treat the spiritual malady the only way we know how, and the rest will fall into place.

Boleo

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ecovering.html

JeremiahS

All I could think was your poor, poor, sponsor. And how if you stay sober, it will one day be time to return the favor down the line.

And what KeithJ said. Alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful.

MelindaFlowers

Hello!
Do you ever watch Jayne Velez Mitchell on CNN Headline News? She is a recovering alcoholic who drank during her years dating men. She was not honest with herself and living a lie. She said that drinking helped her to cover it up.

Now that you're sober really take time to discover the real you. Maybe you're a lesbian, maybe bisexual, who knows? Only you. As for your mom saying that "it's not the life she planned for you and how difficult that lifestyle is," she is speaking from love and concern, but don't believe her on the "how difficult that lifestyle is" part. She means well but that's baloney. I know many many gay people who lead full fantabulous lives, including myself.

The important thing here is for you to be true to yourself, 100%. Whatever your truth is, the family will come around.

ErinNC

You are right. My current sponsor and my home group said the same thing to me. Now I am focusing more on my gratitude lists and reading the BB and 12 and 12. Thanks for opening my eyes to the main problem. Like you said once I get that taken care of the other things will fall into place.

MelindaFlowers

Erin
May I ask what the main problem is??

ErinNC

The main problem is my alcoholism. I need to focus more on the steps and staying sober. If I do that the other issues will take care of themselves. Especially when it involves my feelings.

yeahgr8

This is great to read and the absolute truth...once you have worked the steps and found out more about yourself, the realyou that is etc you will be in a much better position to be able to tackle any outstanding 'issues'...well issues i mean support for the adjustment period to your new normal life, e.g. a counselor to talk to about stuff:-)