Boleo

Abstinent and recovering. These two words appear to have the same meaning but they differ substantially when looked at over a long period of time. Abstinence may measure the same as recovery in a urine sample or blood test but the intention, expectations and the long-term durability of the two paths to “legally defined sobriety” are qualitatively quit different.

The abstinent addict is looking for a quick-fix for their problem where the person living in recovery seeks, desires and expects to find a new way of living without the need for any substances (crutches) in their lives. Abstinence may cure back problems (getting your license back, job back, family back) but it does not address the underlying causes of needing a mind-altering substance in the first place. A person seeking true recovery recognizes the truth about themselves, that is, that there was some kind of problem that existed prior to seeking out drugs or alcohol initially.
For the person who was uncomfortable in their own skin to start with, not drinking or drugging does not treat their bigger malady (anxiety, frustration, guilt or despair). The individual who is merely abstinent must go on to face these obstacles long after obtaining their short term goals or getting their stuff back.

There are a series of “simple to grasp” slogans used within recovery groups designed to get the newcomer through the next day/week/month or whatever short-term goal that particular program has. In all fairness to any counselor/teacher/sponsor these psychological tricks and tips are essential in the first few months of any kind of recovery and there is no practical way around them. The danger for the person in recovery comes when they continue to rely on these “band-aids” permanently and fail to heal the wound.

The limitations and weaknesses of abstinence typically do not show up until sometime later-on in the recovery process, when the now sober mind starts to realize that only a few things get better while most “life challenges” go on. They begin to recognize that most of the slogans they heard were simply not true or were gross exaggerations. One such slogan is; “just don’t drink, go to meetings and life will get better”. Your parole officer might think your life is better but he is looking at the situation from the perspective of a baby-sitter who is responsible for cleaning up your mess. The reality is that if you can’t sleep at night because of worries and fears, your life may in fact get worse and the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse may even move in with you. Peace of mind is a precious commodity to the soul living a sober life. Drugs and alcohol may have been a “rock” comfort-wise, but life without them may prove to be the “hard place” for the person who was caught in the middle and must now choose one side or the other. Now where does he or she find refuge?

A person taught to say the serenity prayer in his or her treatment program is in a better position than someone not familiar with the importance of peace of mind. Serenity is the deluxe edition of sobriety, which includes peace of mind, acceptance and a starting point for meditation. Without serenity, sobriety may not be worth having. True sobriety rides on the coat-tails of serenity. The next time you can’t sleep at night try asking yourself if sobriety is of any help in this particular situation.
Where humility has teaching power, serenity has healing power. That is the power to instill peace of mind. Just because someone was powerless over their drinking or drugging does not mean they have to be powerless over their recovery.

Gmoney

Excellent!!

There are a lot of things I'm powerless over, but these things do not negate my responsibility for my own recovery. I'm one of those folks that believes that there's a huge difference between clean time (abstinence) and recovery. Like you said, abstinence may bring about some initial or surface level improvements, but without true recovery - I'm the same miserable guy, just without dope. For me, being clean isn't enough. Serenity is the goal.

Thanks for sharing.

navysteve

War stories and rhetoric never kept me from using again and again ( ad nauseum). This is one of the areas where I think we are doing a poor job as a whole in the rooms ( NA?AA? whatever...) We encourage people to slow down and take it easy. Write about your fellings etc... ( we call that step work). Writing assignments in recovery, many believe rose out of the prison system. While inmates corresponded with people on the outside ( by mail) they wrote...
This evolved into write about this, journal about that...

I am not saying these practices are bad in and of themselves. they are not step work. They are a means to self actualization. But if self is my problem, then how can "I" know...

Power greater than myself???



THis is why I believe we should start working the steps while we are still on fire...
As if our lives depend on it, before complacency can settle in.

But of course, I sit in the back of the room so what do I know

Lily

Since this is along the same lines, let me ask you this:

If say a person is an addict and gets abstinent. (rehab, then continues on with church, etc.) Then 22 years go by and this person falls in love w/ a guy in NA (3 yrs ago) and this person decides to join the fellowship, would you think it would be correct for this person to say they have now 25 years clean?

Without being too judgemental, I am kind of wondering what her motives really are.....Any thoughts?

navysteve

Clean time is clean time. A date on the calendar has little to do with emotional recovery however, and not attending meetings does not mean that you do not have recovery ( dare I say recovered) from acrive addiction. I have a friend who got clean in the church. He refuses to go to NA or AA meetings. I used to fight with him about it, then I realized, we have no monopoly on this, simply a way that works for us...

Boleo

Clean time is calendar time from date of last use.

Recovery time starts with treating the root causes.

NoelleR

Abstinent vs Recovering?

What is Recovery?

I always figure it's up to the individual to define these terms for him/herself.

Yes, most folks, after they are 'just' abstinent for a while, feel the need to do something more....to create a serene lifestyle for themselves, but this is not true for everyone.

There's a belief in AA/NA that folks who only abstain are white-knuckling, irritable, miserable.....all-around unhappy with their lives, that they MUST have some kind of 'program' to change their lives, or they'll go right back to using.....but I've found that to only be partially true.....

I have known some folks who just gave up the booze (or whatever they were addicted to), and were quite happy with their lives (quite serene, even), just being abstinant.....folks around them might perceive unhappiness (but then perceptions are usually badsed on self----how I would be if...); a wife/husband/son/daughter/S-O, any other family member/whomever may see this abstinant (recovering/recovered?) person to be mean, still egotistical, self-indulgent, and therefore not in recovery as they see recovery to be, but if that person is happy with themselves, well, hey, who am I to tall anyone(?) how to live their lives.....?

So, again back to the original question.....What is Recovery?...Abstinance vs Recovery....? For me, they are two totally different issues, but without the former, I can't even get close to the latter......... (o:


NoelleR

Lily

I really used to think they were one in the same. Like I have shared on here many times before, I got clean in 1991 after having been part of an intervention because meth was destroying my life. I started working a program, then went on with my life. I became very involved in church etc. Without getting too much into the chruch aspect, my church teaches to exibit the "fruit of the spirit." The fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. So I was kind of heading in the right direction, or should I say "thought I was...." however when i relapsed in 1999 it turned into a continual thing. I started to see tons of ugly behavior in me I thought was gone.

It wasn't until most recently (Jan 08) to be exact that there were many things in my life I needed to grow up and accept and this came through the steps. No able to change ppl, become a less unabling parent to my 19 year old, quit being so whiney and manipulative with my husband. In all those years I never saw these things! I have only written out step one and half of step 2 and all of these things are coming to me.

So while I really thought I was in recovery all those years, I am super glad to discover "I have not arrived" cuz i still have tons of character defects left.

That is just my own person example of what happened and my experience with this topic.

I am obviously not the person I posed the question about.

Thanks guys and gals!

Sheila

Gmoney

Bingo!! This is why I keep the focus on me when discussing this topic. I cannot define recovery for anyone else, and I surely wouldn't approach someone and say, "You're just clean (abstinent)...you're not recovering!"

I've known addicts to "speed step" their way right into a relapse, rushing to get something that doesn't happen overnight (IMO). I've known addicts to ponder and discuss the steps, thinking it's step work, because they weren't willing to examine themselves through writing (not because they weren't capable), and they couldn't stay clean or find solutions in their lives. I've even met addicts who thought God was the answer to their problem (themselves), only to later find that they're responsible for their recovery. I mean, God never put crack in my pipe or bought me a drink. And from my understanding, complacency can happen at any time, from 30 days to 30 years.

Yes, NoelleR, I also have known people who have changed their lives for the better without the "program" I have. How they do it is their business, I'm just glad they did. For me, staying clean must come first...but, for me, it isn't enough.

Ananda

I just want to participate in my own life and know how I got from a to z. and learn along the way. I want compasion for myself and others. for me that is just wanting a life worth living. I want that for myself I want that for others, alchoholic or not. I am sober today, but quite frankly i was a worth while human being and did good things when i was a drunk. and people like my father who never got sober (except at the end because he was in the hospital on machines) tore up the world with their acholoism and still gave great gifts of compassion to the world as well.

I have no clue what that has to do with anything.

navysteve

All I have is what workse for me. If you want what I have I will be glad to show you what I do...

I have tried methods like just drinking, only smoking weed, it didn't work for me. Complete abstinence made me miserable, the steps set me free.

Gmoney

Amen.

Ananda

abstenance is pain. sobriety is pain with growth.

tommyk

For me, clean time does not equal recovery.

But I had to experience some new behaviors (steps) before I realized it.