Krys

Ok so in addition to being a recovering addict my ABF has been awful with money the last couple of months. His excuse is that he wants to take care of us and often spends more than he should. Plus he was laid off for 3 months and was using for part of that. The financial aspect of everything never really hit me since I make my own money and pay my own bills (and we talked about making a financial plan for him) but I had some unexpected and rather large expenses this month. I am looking at a rough couple of weeks (at least...) and cannot even stand to be around him right now. I am the type of person (as I am sure most codies are) that never asks for help, and I honestly have no one to turn to anyway. I thought the point of being in a committed relationship was being able to lean on one another, but right now it feels like I am the only one being a responsible adult. I can't help it, I want to throw things at him every time he walks into the room. I have been there to bail him out financially in the past...he makes 3 times what I make, the only reason he is broke is because of his own bull. Ugh. I think I just needed to vent, this is so frustrating!! I am at a point right now where if things don't improve quickly I may walk out. I am reaching that point way faster than I ever thought I would. My little brother is getting married tomorrow and I can't even afford to buy him a drink :-((

dollydo

When money disappears quickly and without a sound basis....I always think drugs.

May just be me!

Bailing him out is enabling and will hinder his recovery.

Get your finances back in order and keep them there. He is an adult, let him take care of himself.

Chino

It takes what it takes, for both sides to hit bottom. Thankfully you're already sick and tired of being sick and tired, that way you won't be dragged down or worse with him.

Do what you have to for yourself and the rest will all work out.

PS: Your brother probably just wants you, not the drink

Krys

Thanks guys. I haven't bailed him out since I found out about the relapse, but that has not stopped his parents from helping (in the beginning anyway). I don't know what the money has been going to, and I honestly don't think it matters. I gave up on trying to find out if he was doing the right thing or not, if he is using I will find out eventually and going through his stuff and grilling him just makes me feel worse. I just want things to get better for me at this point (financially). If he wants to come along for the ride and make his life better that would be awesome, but my life is what matters to me right now. Funny thing was I told him about my codie tendencies and how I am working on letting people fix their own mistakes and at first he looked sad and then he said "Why would you want to fix my problems, that's not your job." Sometimes even addicts can have surprising moments of clarity. lol