GailJ

Uggg. don't even know how too start.
I really don't need this relapse right now.
I need all the strength I can get,
So much I have to do and so many people I have to confront next week and as far as I can tell I can't include the PTSD in the separation in Ontario.
May be able too launch a civil suit against ex for negligence and discrimination under mental health, if I can get police reports, record of PTSD hospital visits, a lawyer willing to represent contested divorce.
Had to pawn jewelery today to geet milk suger and cat food.

Meds are barely keeping me afloat.
Sorry just venting really, of course no support at all here for the crazy drunk lady. How do I get into these messes. I am so sick of still being victimized after all these years when I struggle so hard to stay a survivor.

Just need a little support, and kindness.

scott

I wish I could help you with your situation but I'm just not familiar with what you're talking about.

I do have PTSD though so I feel for ya. Are your symptoms getting worse or more frequent or something? If your meds are barely keeping you up tomorrow is Monday and perhaps you could call your crisis center if it gets to that point. I've been there and have had to call one of those places for help. Try to just take it one day at a time. I wish I could help you more.

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!:ghug3

nandm

:ghug3

historyteach

(((Gail)))

Just try to make a list of what needs to be done.
And stick to that list.
Keep it simple.
And stick to one day at a time.
Continue to come here for support as needed.
And know that you are loved and cared for.

Shalom!

scarlati

If you reread the threads you've started over the last few years you'll find that nobody here has ever judged you as "the crazy drunk lady." Sure, you've struggled, but most of us have too. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it's a constant struggle. Sometimes I stay sober, but sometimes I don't. And when I don't, I hate myself for it just like you do. "One day at a time" is really the only way to approach this.

Reread Historyteach's post (the one just before this one) and follow those steps.

Personally, I admire you for the way you come here and tell us about your relapses. Granted, I look forward to a time when you come here to tell us about your sobriety and how it's improved your life. But I love your honesty. You've written posts here during binges, telling us that you were binging and why, and how you felt about yourself at the time. That's very rare, and I love you for it.

That said, I hope you will find the help that you need.

GailJ

Thanks so much for the support guys.
Hi Scott ptsd doesn't go away. In times of extream stress, tragic, traumatic, or abusive situations I get severe physical symptoms which shut me right down and make me very confused and really affect my memory abilities. I have relapsed five times. Since I have full recall I can identify the triggers fairly quickly now but the body symptoms don't seem to recover as quickly.

I know when things settle down the meds will work fine. I have uped my seroquels to three a day. One when I'm feeling anx during the day and two at bedtime to make sure I get a good sleep.

My current ex is pulling really nasty stunts on me and has for quite a while now. Saturday was one of those days. I won't go into detail just the past three weeks have been hell between ex, last landlord, and one of my adult sons developing the same type of psychotic disorder as his father. That one really triggered me and it took me a week to figure it was the connection to my memories of being married to his father and his father's violent abuse that started the relapse. I did have him committed against his will with police assistance, he assaulted me in front of the cops and was really delusional and I was evicted over it. He spent only two weeks before they discharged him and left Saturday by bus without a word. This was a real blow to me and my PTSD as well(memories of my own times in the psych ward and grief over son having to go from the same). I have lots of posts here you can look through.

Teach I made that list last night and tryed calling the mental health crisis centre for an advocate to come to my home. The girl told me they don't do that. My doc just got back from a 9 month leave so the chances of seeing her soon are next to none. She's really backlogged and I can't get the transportaion to get to her. I also emailed a lawyer referral service to help with the separation. Since we are common-law the laws aren't the same. I really want him punished for discriminating against me and defaming my character. I can only do that in a civil suit.

Today I have to go to the police station to deny concent for a third party to access my converstions with police since January. Guessing the landlady that evicted me is going to sue for balance of years lease I signed. $700x9 ouch.
I also have to confront work as to why I was not paid either sick pay or vacation pay as I requested last week. Think they are going to try to fire me. Will find out.

Scarleti it's good to here from you too, the crazy drunk lady quote is from current ex, he denies anxiety and ptsd and tells everybody it's cause of my drinking. Really I've gone leaps and bound towards sobriety. Only had two binges in last three months. I usually only allow myself six beer or less in a day, only after two in the afternoon and only once or twice a week. Still got to work on the making sure there's food in my stomach when I do drink though cause I know once I start I'll drink all six. Hopefully I will get it down to complete sobriety. Working on it.

Nadm I will read the big book but right now I've been studying family and civil laws and the mental health act. It's a lot to absorb. I've found all the legal forms the lawyers will use in both so it will cost me less if I have most filled out before I go to the lawyers.

Thanks again to all for the support, :ghug3

All of you your care and support do mean the world to me.

Conky77

I have ptsd also, and I'm going through a divorce from my husband right now. He wants it to be uncontested but, I think I deserve alimony or something from him, since he is still using the fact that we are still legally married (even though we have been legally separated for 2 years) as a means to make extra $$ in the Military. He claims me to get extra housing money, extra money for food and clothing and separation pay when he goes out to sea or over seas. Who knows what he spends it all on? I know he lives in the most expensive apartment complex in Chesapeake, VA and owns two vehicles. I live off of food stamps and have no car, no job, and have had to file for Social Security. I understand what you mean when you say "the crazy drunk lady", because I feel like everyone thinks of me in that way also. I self medicated with alcohol when I was with my ex, because he was mentally and physically abusive and because of my ptsd. I'm in a better place now, but I still think everyone thinks of me as the crazy drunk lady, even though I no longer drink. Stay strong! You will get through these things happening in your life soon and you will be proud that you made it through being sober.:praying

GailJ

Thanks conky I know exactly what you mean, while hubby lives it up with his buddies at our farm spending thousands on his own want's he wants me to settle for only $25000 cdn, between my loan which is now 2 payments in arrears, my over the limit c cards due to my last PTSD crash and having to come up with first and last months rent twice in three months. I might end up even and in less of a position than when I met him. I now have $2.38 in the bank and work is d**cking me around. Knew that one was coming too. He ends up with the $300,000 dollar farm on the river along with all the assets (bout another $100,000) both him and I put in.
Sorry for the man bashing guys we know there are lots of good guys out there we just got stuck with the dud's.

Saturday I called to come see how the farm was, he did everything in his power to hinder me from going and when he knew I was determined to go called his buddies from the truck while driving me and said pack it up boys she's coming home, screamed and yelled at me the whole way there and did ditch me and leave me stranded out there. about 4 mile walk to town and I can't make it in the condition I am in right now. I ended up calling a cab at ten oclock and getting a ride on credit. Thank god the cabbies are my buds. I can't get him on abuse, no bruises but I can prove negligence, discrimination, and defamation of character in a civil suit if I have to. Never thought I would ever be that kind of person but I have to fend for myself now, I'm 43 starting all over again 3rd time over.
Had to call him in as my union steward today too. That was fun pretending all was hunkydorry infront of management while they try to figure out how to fire me. I'm too smart for them, I was a union steward three years and said straight up I would grieve for discrimination under the mental health and saftey act. Still have to greive it and three day suspension. Last discipline before getting canned. Spent all afternoon typing out the facts and reasons for docs unions and company only to find my printer is out of ink. They didn't accept my doctors note and want "their official medical form" filled out before I see a dime and I wrote a check to the new landlord for $575 for April 3rd.

No stress there..........

While I was at hubby's alone I stumbled across his plans and collaberation with the bank and the true appraisal of the property. He told me it was $177,000. The morgage will be that by the end of the month the way he is spending. About $20,000 more than when I moved out in January. Snapped me awake pretty quick finding those papers and all the lies he's been spilling, and the fact the bank his helping him do it, They're IN ON ITand since he wouldn't answer his cell to take me back to town they accidently fell in my pocket when the cab got there.

Just got back from the cop shop too. Signed the papers not concenting to disclosure to a third party. Reason as written, confidential between police services and myself and protected under the mental health and saftey act. It cannot by used with predjudice or presidence against us. I'm too pooped to walk another half mile to the hospital today. Have to do that one in the morning. My cats are bored and bugging to be mushed so I'll have my couple beer and rest a while.
I won't get drunk either..............LOL

GailJ

Hope I'm not being seen as a know it all by responding to so many posts after being away so long. It's just nice to have others who understand anx disorders to talk to.
I spend so much time alone saying nothing it seem when I am brave enough to talk it comes out like water breaking through a dam.

Hope it's not too much and hoping you all understand. Starting to feel anx over seeing my name on so many posts and posting my ugly pic instead of an avatar.

GailJ

Beer number four look out guys, two more and I already know I'll drink em and no food. I feel like the biggest hippocrate in the world and I already am beating myself for buying it in the first place. I feel like I'm caving to the oppression and letting myself be a victim again. Yet I fight with myself out of habit. I think next time I go to the beer store I will only by two single's.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................................Oh crap current ex just called drunk but denied it but I heard it in his voice. I asked for a hammer and a printer cartridge for the printer. Long talk cause he has only one day without his buds to hide behind. Totally needs anx meds and doc but too much farmer hic pride to admitt it. Looking for sympathy from me. HUH??????????
What did I do, fool that I am, I supported him.
I'm ready for those other two beer now.
Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggg. Can I fall over now?

GailJ

You want to know the worst of it. It's that I know he still loves me but because he is a coward he just can't stand up to these A holes and put me first. For seventeen years before me he was single with no kids. His buds used him as a doormat.
In the backbround here my hic radio station is having a talk show and dissing us here over herbalists that use the web to find a diagnosis that doctors could not find.
without the web and all of us who collaborate and find the truth of our illnesses.
As he speaks of his ex wifes so called cronic yeast infections and all ..........

OMG just called the radio station in our defence and was on the air. Think I made an impact for us. Kudo's to me. Very welcome response, no objections and directed many to this site.

GailJ

Don't think I know what to do about that one. Expect many new visitors to this site.