Sorry just venting really, of course no support at all here for the crazy drunk lady.
If you reread the threads you've started over the last few years you'll find that nobody here has ever judged you as "the crazy drunk lady." Sure, you've struggled, but most of us have too. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it's a constant struggle. Sometimes I stay sober, but sometimes I don't. And when I don't, I hate myself for it just like you do. "One day at a time" is really the only way to approach this.
Reread Historyteach's post (the one just before this one) and follow those steps.
Personally, I admire you for the way you come here and tell us about your relapses. Granted, I look forward to a time when you come here to tell us about your sobriety and how it's improved your life. But I love your honesty. You've written posts here during binges, telling us that you were binging and why, and how you felt about yourself at the time. That's very rare, and I love you for it.
That said, I hope you will find the help that you need.