I just figured out what my Higher Power is!!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 106
I just figured out what my Higher Power is!!
I've been reading an awesome book called Healing the Shame That Binds You and the author talks a lot about the healing power of AA. Everytime I would read the line 'surrender yourself to God as you understand God' I would get a little stuck. I don't believe in God. I don't believe that there is a power outside of myself operating on my actions. So, I had to stop and try to reconcile my viewpoint.
And then it became to clear to me--my Higher Power is me. Okay, not just me. But me in my 'idealized' form. It's the me that I aspire to be. It's the me who is open and warm and fearless and inspirational and honest and kind and smart and funny and wonderful. It's the me that I hide away behind defenses so that she doesn't get hurt. She's in there though, and I need to live up to who she can be. Wow, that makes me feel so much better!!
And then it became to clear to me--my Higher Power is me. Okay, not just me. But me in my 'idealized' form. It's the me that I aspire to be. It's the me who is open and warm and fearless and inspirational and honest and kind and smart and funny and wonderful. It's the me that I hide away behind defenses so that she doesn't get hurt. She's in there though, and I need to live up to who she can be. Wow, that makes me feel so much better!!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,958
Right on ClimbingUP 
I'm inclined to think along the same lines. I guess if I were to identify a higher power it would be my authentic self. The potential that resides with in my very nature, an intuitive power that struggled for release when I was suppressing it with drugs, fear, insecurity, selfishness, self-loathing, etc.
I'm inclined to think along the same lines. I guess if I were to identify a higher power it would be my authentic self. The potential that resides with in my very nature, an intuitive power that struggled for release when I was suppressing it with drugs, fear, insecurity, selfishness, self-loathing, etc.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
well done!
For me, it's very close, my "higher power" is "inside me" but isn't me, it's "of me" but not me.
truthfully, a kind of embarrassing little secret of mine is the way Obi Wan Kenobi describes "The Force" in the very first Star Wars Film pretty much sums up my "higher Power".
It's that part of me, like a spark of electricity that's connected to every thing else in the Universe, that is my higher power, the part I access is "inside me" but it encompasses "All".
It's what's there when my ego is gone, it expresses itself as "intuition" or "gut feelings" and when I am tune with it I have no feeling of "separateness", I feel "at one" with everything else.
That's why quite often I will say about something "it dropped from my head to my heart", because in my heart area is where I feel my "higher power" resides, whereas my "head", if I look at the evidence is a lying bastid that is truly out to get me.
"My Head" does A+B=C perfectly, but quite frequently gives me the "wrong values" for A or B so ensures I will "remain in Ego" perpetually. It also gnaws on unrelated "issues" for days, weeks, months, years, even decades to try to insure I "remain in Ego"
example; A few months ago I'm talking to friend about a relationship and I'm chewing on all these questions, "what did she mean by this" "why does she behave like this?' "Is she in fact faithful to me?" etc. finally my friend interrupts me and says, "that's great Andrew, but all these questions are irrelevant, the question you should be asking yourself is 'Does this relationship bring me peace?'"
THAT was the relevant question IMO, the other stuff was just brain chatter, and the answer was actually No, this relationship makes me crazy and live in perpetual pain and drama, and frequently act like an a$$hole.
OK, note to self, Gas Station Coffee is way stronger then Starbucks.
what my post should have said: That's great, me too.
For me, it's very close, my "higher power" is "inside me" but isn't me, it's "of me" but not me.
truthfully, a kind of embarrassing little secret of mine is the way Obi Wan Kenobi describes "The Force" in the very first Star Wars Film pretty much sums up my "higher Power".
It's that part of me, like a spark of electricity that's connected to every thing else in the Universe, that is my higher power, the part I access is "inside me" but it encompasses "All".
It's what's there when my ego is gone, it expresses itself as "intuition" or "gut feelings" and when I am tune with it I have no feeling of "separateness", I feel "at one" with everything else.
That's why quite often I will say about something "it dropped from my head to my heart", because in my heart area is where I feel my "higher power" resides, whereas my "head", if I look at the evidence is a lying bastid that is truly out to get me.
"My Head" does A+B=C perfectly, but quite frequently gives me the "wrong values" for A or B so ensures I will "remain in Ego" perpetually. It also gnaws on unrelated "issues" for days, weeks, months, years, even decades to try to insure I "remain in Ego"
example; A few months ago I'm talking to friend about a relationship and I'm chewing on all these questions, "what did she mean by this" "why does she behave like this?' "Is she in fact faithful to me?" etc. finally my friend interrupts me and says, "that's great Andrew, but all these questions are irrelevant, the question you should be asking yourself is 'Does this relationship bring me peace?'"
THAT was the relevant question IMO, the other stuff was just brain chatter, and the answer was actually No, this relationship makes me crazy and live in perpetual pain and drama, and frequently act like an a$$hole.
OK, note to self, Gas Station Coffee is way stronger then Starbucks.
what my post should have said: That's great, me too.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
This week I am working on steps 2 and 3. (Can't really see how to separate them.) I have been thinking/meditating on all the positive feelings I've been getting from people, at meetings and outside of them, and my hopes and dreams for putting my life into a better direction, and visualizing it as a glowing, warm, white ball floating in deep space. Sometimes it feels like outer space and sometimes it seems like it's deep inside myself. I talk to it. I have tried "handing things over" to it. I dunno what it is. It's good enough for me, for now, I guess. I re-re-re read "we agnostics" and I still hate that chapter of the bb! Grr! Why spend half the chapter talking about how we don't have to be religious, and the other half talking about how great religion is! I feel like every time I try again and read it, I get my back up against the wall and want to give up on the whole thing.
I tried to visualize a loving perfect person, but I can't put the idea of pure good together with a human face. It just doesn't work, so the idea I read about in '12 steps on Buddha's path'- Honey Pie, the fluffy, loving, harmless older woman- ended up falling through.
I do feel like I'm doing mental gymnastics to fit myself in to AA. The Lord's Prayer, my irritation reaction goes up and down, but I wish I didn't have to deal with it. Serenity, courage, wisdom, that's one thing. But "our Father, they kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven", I mean, it's a fundamentally Christian prayer. There are times when I want to leave early instead of standing there silently.
I tried to visualize a loving perfect person, but I can't put the idea of pure good together with a human face. It just doesn't work, so the idea I read about in '12 steps on Buddha's path'- Honey Pie, the fluffy, loving, harmless older woman- ended up falling through.
I do feel like I'm doing mental gymnastics to fit myself in to AA. The Lord's Prayer, my irritation reaction goes up and down, but I wish I didn't have to deal with it. Serenity, courage, wisdom, that's one thing. But "our Father, they kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven", I mean, it's a fundamentally Christian prayer. There are times when I want to leave early instead of standing there silently.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I do better when i don't read the chapter to the agnostic unless it is a meeting that is reading the big book..and then i just share honestly after my turn reading.
I say something meaning ful to me during the lords prayer part.
I focus as much as I can on what my higher powers are (cause and effect and other non-human type things) and try to avoid spending time thinking about god that i don't beleive in....It's good to look at it ocationally, but no point beating what for me is definately a dead horse.
I say something meaning ful to me during the lords prayer part.
I focus as much as I can on what my higher powers are (cause and effect and other non-human type things) and try to avoid spending time thinking about god that i don't beleive in....It's good to look at it ocationally, but no point beating what for me is definately a dead horse.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
The mental gymnastics takes away from your primary purpose and that is to get and stay sober...spend your time focusing and learning real tools to aid you in your goal. As ananda has said no point beating a dead horse.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Originally Posted by Ago 
well done!
For me, it's very close, my "higher power" is "inside me" but isn't me, it's "of me" but not me.
truthfully, a kind of embarrassing little secret of mine is the way Obi Wan Kenobi describes "The Force" in the very first Star Wars Film pretty much sums up my "higher Power".
It's that part of me, like a spark of electricity that's connected to every thing else in the Universe, that is my higher power, the part I access is "inside me" but it encompasses "All".
It's what's there when my ego is gone, it expresses itself as "intuition" or "gut feelings" and when I am tune with it I have no feeling of "separateness", I feel "at one" with everything else.
For me, it's very close, my "higher power" is "inside me" but isn't me, it's "of me" but not me.
truthfully, a kind of embarrassing little secret of mine is the way Obi Wan Kenobi describes "The Force" in the very first Star Wars Film pretty much sums up my "higher Power".
It's that part of me, like a spark of electricity that's connected to every thing else in the Universe, that is my higher power, the part I access is "inside me" but it encompasses "All".
It's what's there when my ego is gone, it expresses itself as "intuition" or "gut feelings" and when I am tune with it I have no feeling of "separateness", I feel "at one" with everything else.
I just wanted to say, Ago I really enjoyed your post. It is very similar to my conception too. It makes for a HP that works for me. It works outside of the concept of a HP too, it is just a good way to 'be'.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The Mountains
Posts: 166
That is really great. Mine is my intuition and I guess that is a product of my "higher self" that is also connected to everything and is able to help me navigate in the right direction for my highest good.
I just had a conversation with my father who has been in AA for years and years.
He just said that for him, the God problem can be resolved in terms of just looking at anything larger than your addicted self. It doesn't have to be some God pushing and pulling the levers on all your actions. It can just be about "Hey, I can't control everything and everyone around me." There's more to it than just me. It is merely a step in humility.
I see myself as connected to a larger whole of which I am a small part and if I do my best with myself, I do my best to affect positively, that larger composition of energy and people.
So, I have to rely on my intuition and sort through all the sneaky, eroneous messages and get to a higher place that informs me of where to go next. Surrendering my "false" self to higher actions of my higher self and my intuitively divine self is my form of higher power.
Things outside of myself will also show me the way in this, I am sure.
I just had a conversation with my father who has been in AA for years and years.
He just said that for him, the God problem can be resolved in terms of just looking at anything larger than your addicted self. It doesn't have to be some God pushing and pulling the levers on all your actions. It can just be about "Hey, I can't control everything and everyone around me." There's more to it than just me. It is merely a step in humility.
I see myself as connected to a larger whole of which I am a small part and if I do my best with myself, I do my best to affect positively, that larger composition of energy and people.
So, I have to rely on my intuition and sort through all the sneaky, eroneous messages and get to a higher place that informs me of where to go next. Surrendering my "false" self to higher actions of my higher self and my intuitively divine self is my form of higher power.
Things outside of myself will also show me the way in this, I am sure.
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