lotdot19

hi everyone!

well, this is my first post on here so here it goes.

The reason i found this is because i was looking for help. I have a father who is a on and off again alcoholic, and now i am pretty sure he is drinking all over again. I should mention my parents are divorced and his moods are totally the signs of an alcoholic! I also have a drug addicted brother who is now living on the streets doing heroine everyday. I have not spoken to him in about 2 months, and i honestly dont want to. he hurt me so bad, not to mention he stole 1000 dollars from me. he has hurt my mom so badly.

anyway the reason i need help right now is that I just started college and I met this really nice, cute guy. We were dating for about a month and then overnight, not kidding he changed. I knew he hung out with this girl on my floor, they were friends. He also had a lot going on with deaths, and problems like that. he talked to me about it all, and we talked like every single day, wayy more than once a day! anyway, he comes in after i didnt talk to him for a day with this girl who i thought was his "friend" and he totally ignores me and i can tell he is drunk, and this girl is totally wacked out, I know she is on drugs. He actually told me.

So, the next day i have a talk with him I am pissed. then he tells me he was a drug addict. WAIT A MINUTE! i know that with my background some crazy way i am addicted to addicts because i know that personality. so i feel like ugh..i cannot even explain it. I really liked this guy, and he said he was so so sorry he really liked me and he knows that he will either go one way (like back on drugs) or the other. I told him everything about my brother and I said that i cannot help him, he needs to do it himself and i will be his friend.

So, later that SAME DAY i see him wacked out with the girl and I am done now. Have not talked to him since, only thing is I see him everywhere. we go to a small school so he sees me too! i have everyone on my side but now he is with this girl who lives on my floor! it sucks. i still have feelings for him, why? I don't know. He is just getting worse I already see it, he is now smoking weed and God knows what else everyday with this girl. It is so sad to see this happen again and I already have enough with my dad and brother being addicts i don't need a boyfriend who is one too.

What should I do? Its really hard to talk with him, he knows how i feel and he knows he hurt me and "broke up" with me in the wrong way. I just need some insight on how to get over him!!! I am better that having a druggie who will only bring me down?

lostparent

Hi welcome to SR my daughter is the addict in my life. The way I see it the guy did you a favor by breaking up with you. In my opinion you should just move on with your life. As you know you can't save him. Try to find something that interests you an throw yourself into that for a while. In time you'll get over this guy an find someone new.
Good luck there will be others come along with a lot better advice than I can give. In the mean time read the stickies at the top of the page.

marle

My daughter who is an addict left her addict boyfriend so that she could get clean, but she is still obsessed with him. With her I feel like she thinks that he will get all better, meet some wonderful woman and have a great life and she will think if only. I know that will not happen but it is something that will keep you enmeshed a lot longer than you need to be. Once you realize that you are worth more, then you will want more. Hugs, Marle

littlebird77

Goodness, I can feel that rage in your words... Do you have a way to get to Alanon meetings? Can you put the focus on yourself and do something for yourself? Join a club? Something? Look at it this way, anything you do for yourself will benefit you and reward you. Any focus on him will bring you down...Keep posting on this board and reading. It has helped me a great deal.

splendra

I am so sorry you are hurting right now...

Just be glad it is only a month that you were with him cause the longer you stay in a situation with an Addict the harder it is to let go.

Deal with your family issues, get your own mind straightened out and chances are you will recognize trouble when you see it...

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry you're hurting, but I'm glad you are done with him.

I would highly recommend al-anon meetings or counseling. Because you have addiction in your family, you consider it as "normal", even though it's uncomfortable.

You really do deserve so much more from life, and sometimes we need help to realize that. Once we start feeling better about ourselves, we attract healthier people.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope213

run for the hills & don't look back. you do not need him & there is nothing you can do for him. there is alot of guys out there that would love to go with you. you are to bright to keep hanging out with him. they say "if you sit in the barber chair to long you will get a hair cut." find new friends & don't look back. keep coming here & let us know how u r doing. i am sorry u have to deal with your brother & dad. let that b their problem & focus on you & what you want out of life.prayers going up for you & all of the others.

lotdot19

Thanks everyone! You really did help me through today. I actually have gone to counseling before, I actually just stopped in june. I was in COA meetings and they helped me so much. Seeing this guy everywhere really sucks, just need to find a new one and i know i am better off!

rozied

Honey, I am now 61 yrs old. Your life goes by so fast. I know at your young age you don't see it but take it from me it is true. Do what is best for you. Get yourself to some mtgs they will really help you.......try to keep busy & try & keep your mind off of him.
Addiction to anything will only bring you down.

Stubborn1

I know it's easier said then done. The heart and soul play tricks on our brain.

An addict brings "excitement" and drama (good or bad) and we get addicted to that. If we don't get it then we do not feel fed in a matter of words.

If you have always been attracted to addicts this may be the reason why. You have to have that excitement or drama to help you make as if you are doing something. That's a totally seperate issue from the love.

You seem to have a great heart, you are just wasting it on the wrong person for you. If you know a relationship can be toxic to you in anyway you must make yourself turn around and avoid it like the flu.

It may sound mean to do to the other person but you should cut off ties just like that and end it, no phone calls, no letters, no emails, no texts. Addicts like when non addicts pay attention to them. It's the only form of control that they have. They try and use YOUR control to manage their sick lives. Eventually..........you will not have control and you will be just as sick.
I'm only trying to save yourself years of heartache. They have a way of pushing you out, pulling you in, pushing you out.......blah blah blah. It's not a fun ride.
The one thing I regret is sticking it out with an addict and actually bringing kids into it. If you do not have children and are able to walk away then you are wayyyyyyy ahead of the game.
I wish you the best.

beegee

I also think your lucky he broke up with you. From what I read here having a abf is nothing but heart break, lies and lonely nights. It is never easy to get over anyone in life but we manage to surrive with time. One day you will look back and thank your lucky stars he is not in your life. You deserve someone much better and who isn't ill.

lotdot19

Okay, so it is getting easier now. I don't like him as much, mainly because he is looking worse. Not to mention his new addict girl looks so so gross and they now get "smashed" every night but my GUT is telling me he is doing more than drinking. He borrowed $25 from a friend and still has not given it back (its been a week, or longer) all signs. He went into his room and got sick this morning his friend told me. Its like looking into a mirror of my brothers habits when he was using in my house! And, this guy wont even look me in the eye, like I said i see him everywhere!! He just looks down and sometimes i say hello just to mess with him. I am not giving him the time of day. All my friends give them the dirty looks and they are just gross. Now, my one friend said to him are you gonna ignore me now? and he was like no no. ugh. and the funny part is he said that no one has heard his side of the story, there is no "his" side. He changed over night and started getting drunk and high with another girl. Then totally ignored me and I was done. I actually have not spoken to him since last tuesday. I know he is scared of me cause I know he is a drug addict and no one here really knows that truth. I am just so lucky to be out of that relationship, although I do miss the person he WAS when I first met him. He was good.

How am I doing?

Jody Hepler

I'm from an alcoholic home - and I wish I would have gotten some help and understood addiction at your age. The folks are right - almost unconsciously - we just seem to be the addict/alcoholic magnet and we accept unacceptable behavior. And those old rusty ruts, just seem comfortable.

There is a great Adult Children of Alcoholics book by Janet Woi..... It has been around a long time, and really spoke to me.

I'm glad you are moving on - you deserve so much more.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler