NeverAgain123

Ok people,

Here is my story (and I'm sure it will be eerily familiar to a lot of you):

I had major surgery about 9 years ago. I recovered very quickly and was fine in a matter of weeks.

Fast forward about 6-1/2 years...

I re-aggravated my injury, but not enough to need surgery. Instead, the Dr. prescribed hydrocodone for the pain. I didn't have all that many - maybe 2 prescriptions for 60 each of the 7.5mg pills. This was back in September of 2006. Believe it or not, the prescriptions lasted me until mid-January of 2007. I didn't abuse them, but I really liked how they made me feel. It was sort of a "treat" for me at the end of the day. To be totally honest, I didn't think it was much of a problem even though I didn't really need them for the pain. Some people have a drink after a long day - I took a pill.

Then the problems started. I knew my doctor wouldn't prescribe any more medication. In fact, my only option was for periodic pain clinic visits for injections at the injury area. This obviously wasn't what I wanted (or needed for that matter), so I figured my little opiate "journey" would just be over. And it was for a little while - maybe a month or so - with no withdrawal's or anything, as the situation wasn't that bad at the time.

Then came my discovery of "other sources". I was able to maintain my usage at about 1 pill a day for the next 6 months (Aug '07). I still didn't see it as a big deal because I had kept my dose constant - it still worked for me - and I didn't really withdraw when supplies ran short.

Then came what was probably the single biggest factor in where I am today. The source ran out of available hydrocodone, but had an alternative - Oxycontin. At first, I wanted nothing to do with it because of the negative stigma associated with it - even if it was only a more concentrated form of oxycodone. However, with each passing day and no hydrocodone, I figured a couple of Oxyxontin's would keep me going. My logic was that since it was an 80mg pill, I could dissolve it into 10 individual 8mg doses. This would be perfect, as just 3 pills would last a month or so. And they did - for about 1 month. Then I began taking 2 doses a day, then 3, then 4, then 5, etc... By January of this year (2008), I was up to an entire 80mg pill a day. I knew full well that I had a problem, but I didn't want to stop. I LOVED the way it made me feel. Monday morning blues - no problem, take a dose. Break up with long-time girlfriend - no biggie, take a dose. Go out to party, take a dose. Go shopping - take a dose (which also resulted in some fairly stupid impulse buys). Anytime I did anything, I would take a dose. I had a problem - but didn't care.

I maintained my dose at approximately 1 80mg pill a day up until late May/early June, at which point it got up to another quarter of a pill - so about 100mg.

It is now mid-July, and I've decided to stop. I really looked at the past year and a half, and how badly this has progressed. I know if I don't get out soon, it will just get worse and worse. I am very successful by today's standards, have a good job, make a good amount of money, and have a great family. The last thing I want to be is the guy who had so much potential and pissed it all away.

Now comes the hard part - getting off these damn things. I planned it so that I would have 4 80mg pills left to ween myself off of. That may seem like a fairly rapid taper, but I know if I get more, the taper will never happen. Here is my goal:


Make 12 doses out of 1 pill (believe it or not this is still a sufficient dose for me and actually produces mild euphoria for about 30 minutes).

Take 5 doses on day one, then 5 doses on day two, then 4 and 4, then 3 and 3, then 2 and 2, then 1, and 1. I know I have more doses than I need in this schedule, but I want to throw that last little pill away and actually feel good about doing so.

So far I am on day 3. I actually made it through day 2 with only 4 doses, and I've only taken 2 doses so far today. I'll be honest, I've gone into withdrawal, and it is not the most pleasant experience. I have diarrhea, sweats, body ache, general lethargy, and of course difficulty sleeping. However, the withdrawal is still manageable. I'm sure it will get worse, but I put myself in this position, so I have to deal with the consequences.

Now for a few questions...

Do you think this rapid taper is even worth it? I'm hoping that it will reduce the WD's when I completely come off. If it won't then I'd rather just stop now and deal with it than prolong the inevitable.

Also, what are my other choices? Rehab really isn't an option, nor do I want to go on suboxone or methadone and only delay another withdrawal.

I have a feeling that I am just going to have to deal with it. I take some comfort in the fact that this high dose (for me at least) has only been for 5 or 6 months. I've read about some people that were on 400mg+ a day for years.


I KNOW I WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I have too much to lose not to...

jershua

i wish i could tell you this would be easy, but it is anything but for the first 1 or two weeks, i am on my 31st day today and still have the runs. you will need copius amounts of immodium and gatorade or something like it and as soon as possible you need to get out of the house and walk or get some form of exercise, it will help you sleep eventually. i wish you all the luck in the world and soon you will start to see the world in a new light.

NeverAgain123

If 30 days of diarrhea is the worst of it, I'd consider myself very lucky.



On another note, i think I'm only going to need 3 doses total today. This makes me optimistic, as dropping from 100mg to 20mg in 3 days has been bad, but not unbearable.

I figure another few days at 20mg, and then I'll drop to 13.33mg (2 doses).


The other optimistic thing is this:
Three days ago, all I could think of was pills. Literally every waking moment I was thinking about how I'm going to get through this. How much they had become a part of my life. Today, I actually thought about other things. I'm actually going out with some friends tonight.

Klynn33

pills are such nasty little things. I don't know all the ins and outs of them....but I know I had a 2 and a half year addiction to them (daily addiction - I think in that time I probably ran out three times, for a couple days each) I also know that for the majority of that time I was taking 5-6 dilaudid 8's or MS Contin 200mg. that was supposed to be a slow release thing, but when you snort everything you take.........well, didn't last like it should have. All that at the end didn't make me high anymore either, all it did was keep the withdrawals away. besides that I was taking prescribed meds (valium, ritilan and effexor). I decided to come off everything all at once. by myself.
not smart. W/D's were nasty and last a really long time. I had the worst of them over with months ago, then used on and off - and now have over 30 days clean. My energy is starting to come back and I only feel sick the odd time (which I think is more in my head.........)
like Jershua said, gatorade or powerade are the best to keep you hydrated. warm/hot baths will help if you get muscles spasms in your legs and much as you won't feel like exercising, it is good to help. I didn't follow any of the above and landed in the hospital - at which time I made sure to keep a better eye on it once I got home again. just be careful. coming off pills is dangerous and nothing to take lightly.
That being said, it's going to be soooo much better when you do. You'll get your life back, and believe me - it's worth all the withdrawal symptoms in the world.
take care and let us know how you're doing. I hope it goes well for you. There are lots more people who know more about exactely what you're taking, and I"m sure they'll along with advice soon!

bval

Welcome to the boards, man. Yeah, sounds pretty damn familiar, I must say. I'm bout to hit the sack here, so I'll catch up with you later. I just want to say that, yeah, as long as you can SUCCESSFULLY wean down your doses, and don't let it creep back up again, keeping *always* moving downward in terms of frequency and amount, you will end up with less acute withdrawals. How much less is a little hard to determine, but the lower the amount you're able to get down to before you step off, generally the better off you'll be, provided it's not just a super-fast taper (like, only a couple days).

You're right, the amount you're on isn't super high, nor the length of time.

Shoot, in my book, if you get it right this time and manage to stay clean from here on out (after your taper), you'll be 'nipping it in the bud' my friend.

I would point out that I was in almost your exact same shoes at one point, I got off the pills the first time while everything was still 'intact', my 'life', job, condo, girlfriend, money, credit etc. I got myself about 100 days clean, then decided one day to just take a couple vikes cause I was feeling really sick/crappy ... next thing I knew it was three years later, I'd lost pretty much everything, and needed about 240mg of OC's a day just to feel normal.

So I advise you take this 'round' very very seriously. All these things you're saying you 'just CAN'T throw away'? I thought the exact same thing at one point, and now I'm here to tell you: Oh YEAH you can!

ccgirl2

I don't mean to hijack the thread or anything, but I'm curious. Different doses have been mentioned about different drugs. My doc was hydrocodone and I never tried anything else. I know the others stronger but how many hydros equal an oxycontin strenght wise. I'm actually asking because when I read about people getting ready to come off other pain meds, I wonder about the w/ds and stuff and how bad they'll be.

exjunky

It depends on the person but in my case tapering is virtually a requirement. As you have observed, the pain doesn't start when you actually quit--the pain starts when you take too small of a dose to "get high" but enough of a dose to keep your sickness under control.

Those days when you are taking tiny amounts but still are uncomfortable, that's part of the WD process. You have a head start on quitting. When the day comes that you take nothing at all, you'll find it's not that much worse than the days leading up to it.

Both suboxone and methadone have some benefits, but they should be used as a last resort.

NeverAgain123

Thanks for the advice.

So are you still taking OC's? Or have you finished this second round for good? I hope it is the latter.

NeverAgain123

That's what I'm hoping. I've dropped from 80-100mg down to less than 20mg in 4 days or so. I haven't dosed in 12 hours, and it honestly isn't THAT bad. I'm going to try and get away with 2 doses today. I figure that when I get it to 1 a day (which will hopefully be soon), I'll be able to maintain it for a week or so, and then come off completely. Maybe I'll get lucky and it will be like the other times when I stopped taking them after only being on a very small dose.

NeverAgain123

ok...

Still on one dose today and I feel ok.

bval

NA123 ...

Cool, cool, made it to 5pm on one 'dose', you're doing great man! Keep it up, don't slip, and you shouldn't have it that bad when you step off.

ccgirl, to answer your TOTAL HIJACKING question , I would say that in terms of strength, the ratio between oxy and hydro is right around 1.3:1

IOW, 13mg of hydro would be roughly equivalent to 10mg of oxycodone, maybe a tiny bit less, but not too much.

I think oxy is a tad more 'quickly addicting', and a tad rougher to come off of, even accounting for this math, but in terms of overall effect of the drug, the 'high', the analgesic quality, etc, I'd say the ratio is around there.

Latte

Blech, opiate addict here. You've gotten some great advice here.

Stick around, it really helps the withdraws and to stay clean.

NeverAgain123

Ok,

I only took two doses yesterday. Not too bad. I was able to fall asleep for about 3 hours, at which point I woke up with those horrible leg kicks. I thought about taking another dose, but I figured I'd try to tough it out. Well within 5 minutes, I fell back asleep - for 8 hours.

Today is a bit rough. My back is really sore, and I haven't taken anything in 15 hours.

We'll see what happens...

bval

How ya feeling today bud?

NeverAgain123

2 doses again. Able to function just fine.

I did wake up soaked with sweat again last night, but I fell right back asleep.

I want to make the jump to 1 dose in the next few days. I think that is going to be the most difficult. ( I may even split the dose in half).

Right now, I've tapered down to about 15% of what I was taking in just 6 days. It hasn't been a walk in the park, but it hasn't been the worst thing in my life either. However, I'm a bit concerned about how I'm going to feel when I stop completely. For some reason, I think 1 to 0 is going to be quite a bit worse than 10 to 1.

Here's hoping that it won't be...

bval

Yeah, you're probably right, 1 to 0 is going to be worse than 10 down to 1. But it's going to be a hell of a lot easier than 10 to 0 would've been, right!?!

It is what it is, whatever will be will be. Besides, what other choice have you got?

You'll be okay man. It'll be a few days of feeling crappy, then it'll be over. You can handle it. Think of it this way, if it were too easy, you'd probably never even feel the need to get off the stuff. The pain is your friend. It teaches a valuable lesson

I know, easy for ME to say, huh?

Keep on keeping on man. All you can really do is keep trying to do the next right thing.

NeverAgain123

Well,

I could always call in a refill to prolong the taper...

Problem is, I'd probably taper back up to 10, rather than down to 0.

This sucks...

NeverAgain123

2 doses again today.

Good news is that my body wasn't craving the second one as bad as 2 days ago.

I'm thinking I may get down to one dose very soon.

woops

Eyes on the prize............

You'll get there - and it wont take too long! Hold steady...............

Thinking of you..........

bval

Your right, it does suck.

Being addicted to dope ... just ... really ... sucks.

Period.

That's why you gotta get this behind you so that you'll never have to deal with this bullsh!t ever again. Your on the right path, stay strong amigo. You'll be through it soon. I would start hitting some meetings of recovering addicts of some kind, if I were in your shoes.

FWIW, I've found that there's something about the process of withdrawing (and the immediate aftermath) that can put us in a pretty special place, mentally, where we end up being very receptive to new ideas, paths, and ways of thinking. Such as those presented in meetings. Maybe it's partly desperation, but I think it's more deeply brain chemistry-related. Don't let the opportunity pass you by. Most people who just up and quit, completely on their own, end up really struggling for awhile. It's not the route I personally advise.