Callie

AH went to see his psych doc today and he's really pushing him to go to an NA meeting for his opiate abuse. AH does not like social settings @ all and does not want to go. He's thinking it will be "cheesy" and that those people don't know anything anyway.

How are the meetings conducted and what can someone expect? He's refusing detox or rehab, but does admit that he's got a problem. Is it even helpful to go to a meeting if you're saying your problem is still "controllable?"

Also, how does the sponser thing work? Thanks so much for your input.

Taking5

I agree with anvilhead. You cannot work your AH's program for him. If he is not asking these questions or making steps to get into a program, it does not matter how much knowledge you acquire or how much enthusiasm you have.

kj3880

Callie, I'm worried about you more than him, since you're the one I know and I think you are suffering a lot here. I think you should give the codie meetings a try. You'd get a lot of support and concrete advice about addiction and how to decide what you should do in response to addict behavior. Do you have Codependants Anonymous, or something like that in your area? You're intelligence and honesty about your situation would make you a natural for that group. You'd probably have fun and make some close friends too. I wish you lived in my area, I would love to meet you and take you to a meeting one day. You seem like you would be fun to hang out with.:codiepolice
kj

Callie

Anvilhead - thank you for being gentle I don't do wel with harsh these days. I've been a nervous wreck.

KJ - thanks for the kind words. It's nice to hear that, thank you so much for all of the replies and help that you've given me.

AH says he doesn't need a meeting, doesn't need "hand holding". He knows what to do to get clean. He told me today he's done it 100x before. He knows what to expect with the withdrawals. I know that I can get him clean/force him clean - he'd do that for me, but I can't keep him clean. He's starting to tell me alot more about the depth of what he's taking/doing. I just wondered if a NA meeting would help someone who hates to talk, does not want to be there ect.

I know I'm running out of options - I know that I need to let go. I KNOW that he has to do it. I know that I have exhausted every option. Went to dr. after dr. made appts for him, went with him, even spoke for him when he didn't convey thoughts thoroughly.

He said he'd go to a meeting, but wouldn't choose too. He hates social settings and says he can do it on his own. Maybe he can quit, but without the tools to stay quit I know he'll just be right back at it. I've even tried to get him reading or posting here, but he has no interest. Thank you so much for all of your help.

NeedingHelp7

Well my AH seems to think so. As a past heroine, crack, meth, alcohol user. He still thinks he can take opiates for years and be okay and go to meetings.

Me too!!!! But not anymore.

Huggs and blessings,
NH7

Callie

Also KJ - I did find a CODA meeting. I think I will try that and Naranon and see which I like better if not both. I hope to go next week.

Sugah

Me, too. I quit every day, only to pick back up the next. And you're probably right - I've had folks "make" me quit, but not really, not in my heart.

Take care of you, Callie. Any recovering addict who's hurt people in their past (I think that's all of us) would tell you the same. Take care of you, sister.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Paulie

tommyk

Perhaps suggest that he go to an NA meeting, maybe arrive 5 minutes after the meeting starts, sit in the back, say nothing just listen, and even leave early if he doesn't want to talk to anyone.

I thought NA meetings were a bunch of bullsh*t until I went to one. Then it dawned on me that every time someone shared at the meeting they 'took the words right out of my mouth'.

navysteve

If you are in MD another fellowship to try is CDA. Their website lists the meetings around:

Chemically Dependent Anonymous Online Resource Center - CDA

Do you believe him? As someone who suffered from opiate addiction I can't imagine a sane person kicking it then going back on it.

Please, before I get jumped for mentioning another fellowship. I only mentioned that because Calle said her AH doesn't have an interest in NA. OK, now throw your stones!

Sounds like an addict to me. And I haven't met addicts who can do it on their own. People who just have a drug problem, made a few bad choices, sure they can quit, but a true addict. They need a higher power.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, his addiction is bigger than any love he feels for you, although he will most likely deny that to the bitter end. You may have to put your own well being ahead of him. Addicts lie. cheat and steal in their active addiction. We scar everyone who dares to get close to us. My advice, for what its worth, make no ultimatums, no demands, simply ask him if he will get clean, if he slips up once, leave and don't look back.

Save yourself

If it is meant to be, he will get clean and you will find each other again

Frontier

I am not a social person either. I used in order to be comfortable around people. Well, that'sjust one small reason. I have been in a support group almost 2 years. I still have days when it is very hard for me to say a word. He said he will go. A seed could be planted. But as you know it is his choice to use. It is your choice to take care of you. We can not love someone into recovery. I truly wish we could. I have some loved ones myself that continue to choose to use. It is heartbreaking. Prayers are with you both.

Frontier

A sponsor is somene that we can call any time day and night. It helps to have an individual that can get to know you a little better. There are just something you do not want to share at a meeting. My sponsor is a valuable life source for me. Just because I am sober does not mean life has stopped. I now get the opportunity to learn how to cope when something comes up that I think I can not handle. My sponsor is one of my life lines.

Thundar301

that right there says it all , you know in your own mind how it is going to end already, but you are still holding on with hope of not getting hurt more then you already have been, you need to protect you and tell him to do meetings, or rehab or else you need to get out of the situation because it is not a healthy living envirment for you to be in. Don't let him hold you and your life back, don't let him hold you hostage in your own life, all the love in the world will not save someone who refuses to be helped, you can ask any addict how we hurt those who loved us more then we hurt ourselves... get to a Naranon meeting and I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find some happiness in all this, Dean