aloneandinsane

sometimes i wish i was invisable as they make me feel. i feel like i am falling to the ground, so, so fast and there is nothing to slow me down. tears roll down my cheaks and i always hide in my room. i feel so broken and want so badly to just give up. my memories are al so faded now, i cant remember a single thing, blah. i should be happy about what ive done, but i feel so down. all of the time too, not just sometimes. i feel like i just want ot be done with it all because it is just so hard. even harder than the beatings that i took from him and all the **** that i let him put me through most days. all because i thought i needed my meth or i thought i needed that drink...WHY??? what is the point of being alive when it is all gone when we die anyways?

I said that I don't need you
But I'm a liar
I swear I do
I do

so i have no idea who to trust or who to go to. i am so lost and i just want to be happy but without being high or drunk, but how am i supposed to do that? i need help but i have too much pride to ask for it to someone...well i think that i am way too far into this misery so i am going to go to my AA meeting, i sure hope it helps. i think a lot of stress is coming because i work every day all day and do not have a day off for 19 more days and it is so hard to work doubles almost all of those too. i dunno, i just know i need hep but i dont like people to see when i hurt so i fake a smile everywhere i go and i thought it would help...sometimes........

Anna

Hi,

You need to know that you are not alone and that you can be happy. And, reaching out here is a good start. Reading around the forums here and going to a meeting are good ideas. It does sound like you're working too much. Everyone needs a break and I hope you get a day off soon.

Rowan

I didn't know how to be happy without being high or drunk, either. At least, that's what I thought, based on past experiences.
I'm learning that it's possible to create new experiences while clean and sober. Good, positive, experiences.
I had to put my pride in my pocket and ask for help - again and again and again. It's been, by far, the most liberating thing I could ever do for myself.
Focus on getting clean and sober, and in time things will begin to feel better. My heart goes out to you, because I know how much it hurts sometimes.
Keep reaching out, keep sharing. You can do this.

Row

Missymae737

MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU.

You are not alone and you never have to be alone, just keep reaching out...I am certain that you will find the support you need in the halls' of AA and coming here.

Thinking of you.

CarolD

Have you considered talking to your doctor about depression?

Also...if you are being abused...by words or actions...
there are womens shelters and they have resources.
You could call them for info.

Obviously...you are exhausted from over work.
That is a bone aching schedule.
This must stop for your health.

Double Hugs and Prayers for your healing

stone

Hi alone. I really am glad you said you are going to a meeting, there is a lot of support in AA when people know you are a newcomer.
There is something liberating about asking for help, it is the turning point for some people, me included I think.

chicago

hello. the words you typed i have felt before. i identify with your name. i have felt alone since i was 18 years old. only through sobriety in this program has that begun to fade. i was the definition of insane. i have since been restored to much less insane thought patterns and behaviors.

you are not alone. AA is a group of people who have experienced the same feelings before. that is why we congregrate together and have meetings. because we understand. we have been there. you dont have to be alone anymore.

there is a solution to make this madness, confusion, and hopelessness disappear. i reached a breaking point and using was too painful to continue on. i have since found peace, stability, and happiness. thank you for sharing.

CarolD

I noticed this on another members sinature line
(Thanks SB)

Please call them for info.
You do deserve peace and happiness