sometimes....
sometimes i wish i was invisable as they make me feel. i feel like i am falling to the ground, so, so fast and there is nothing to slow me down. tears roll down my cheaks and i always hide in my room. i feel so broken and want so badly to just give up. my memories are al so faded now, i cant remember a single thing, blah. i should be happy about what ive done, but i feel so down. all of the time too, not just sometimes. i feel like i just want ot be done with it all because it is just so hard. even harder than the beatings that i took from him and all the **** that i let him put me through most days. all because i thought i needed my meth or i thought i needed that drink...WHY??? what is the point of being alive when it is all gone when we die anyways?
I said that I don't need you
But I'm a liar
I swear I do
I do
so i have no idea who to trust or who to go to. i am so lost and i just want to be happy but without being high or drunk, but how am i supposed to do that? i need help but i have too much pride to ask for it to someone...well i think that i am way too far into this misery so i am going to go to my AA meeting, i sure hope it helps. i think a lot of stress is coming because i work every day all day and do not have a day off for 19 more days and it is so hard to work doubles almost all of those too. i dunno, i just know i need hep but i dont like people to see when i hurt so i fake a smile everywhere i go and i thought it would help...sometimes........