Luper

Back to work on Tuesday after a 3 week medical leave.

Early into my sobriety (16 days) and very early into my CBT with a new therapist.

I'm scared. I was off once before, so I know the mess I will go back to and the attitude of some people. We all have that...I am in no way unique.

The last time I was off, my meds were changed and I was sober for 27 days. Didn't take long for my good old AV to tell me different, and I caved. I think I still was convinced I didn't really have a problem.

I am thankful I found SR this time and have been reading as much as I can. I do feel better prepared, and hope I am strong enough to fight my AV this time. I definitely do not want to drink or go back to where I was. I know that I cannot let it win this time.

I was in AA before, but was uncomfortable due to social anxiety. Maybe an online group is the answer. Have also been reading alot about AVRT.

I don't mean to whine, I'm just scared. I am very self-conscious and have very low self esteem.

Just looking for a few suggestions. Been trying to come up with a solid plan to deal with my anxiety at work. I have already started walking every day and exercise is definitely in my plan after work.

Thanks for listening.

Jeni26

Hello Luper.

I'm struggling with anxiety too so you may not want to pay too much attention to me!

16 days is very early in sobriety and anxiety is pretty common for most of us I think. Congratulations on making that decision to quit. You won't regret it. In the last days of my drinking my anxiety and guilt and shame were off the scale...I won't ever forget how bad I felt and I keep that memory to stop me thinking that drinking will ever be a cure for stress...the opposite is clearly true for me.

Returning to work after a period off is always hard. Can I ask what specifically is worrying you about going back?

Is it that your co-workers know why you have been absent? Are you worrying about their reaction to you? Is it that you are actually stressing about the work itself? That you will be behind and unable to manage?

Sometimes the hardest step is actually walking through that front door. Once you've done that...everything falls into place.

One thing I'm sure of, drinking won't fix it. Hugs to you x

Luper

Thanks Jeni.

My co-workers know about my depression and anxiety, but not about the fact that I am an alcoholic.

The girl that is filling in for me is very young, inexperienced, and does not like the job. But she is the only one who knows part of what needs to be done. I have since been assigned a new assistant to take her place, but the training had just started before I was put on leave. She will do just fine. Yes, I will be overwhelmed and fixing things for quite some time. Just sets off my OCD and yes, I do get angry. Working with my therapist on that one......I guess I will need to just break things down and do what I can at first.

I really do like my job and all of the challenges. There is just no support from my GM, which makes it a little difficult to handle at times. Not used to making so many decisions on my own.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Thanks for your support and for listening. And yes, I totally agree with you...drinking will not make it go away...

Jeni26

Not rambling at all, you're just talking things through and that will help.

Maybe on your first morning you can sit down with your new assistant and go through everything that needs to be done and what has happened in your absence. That way you won't feel like you're starting off on the back foot. Make a plan of action.

Sorry your GM isn't much hep. At our place we sit down with anyone who has been off for a period of time and have a return to work interview in which we find out how best we can support them.

I find getting out at lunchtime really helps me. I work close to the coast and I walk down to the front and take a few deep breaths of the sea air. Maybe there is somewhere you can escape to at some point to gather your thoughts?

Meditation helps me. I do it every morning them listen to music as I drive in.

Having support with my sobriety helps me too..SR is a godsend. Post when you need to. There's always someone here who will listen.

Hevyn

Hi Luper. I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about Tuesday - but glad you wanted to discuss it.

Jeni is so right - once you walk in there things will fall into place. You're going to feel so relieved to get it over with. I always build things up in my mind and they rarely turn out as uncomfortable as I imagined. I, too, am irrationally self-conscious. (One of the reasons I turned to alcohol - but it just made things so much worse.)

I hope posting here will help. You are never alone with your feelings and fears.

Jeni26

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Let us know how it goes x

desypete

fear ruled my life big time i have learned to stand up to fears as they never pan out the way my head dreams up they will
but it took me a long time for my brain to slow down and for me to actualy see its how i look at things that was the problem

for examle i was scared of paying a bill as i had no money my sponsor would tell me to ring up the company and find a solution to paying the bill
i wanted someone else to sort it out for me and i wanted my sponsor to deal with it lol he made me deal with it

in the end i plucked up the courage to ring them up i was so afraid as i couldnt pay them much but there were great about it and thanked me for calling them up to know !!!!
what the hell ??? and there was me scared of it
from that i learned and everytime i face my fear i learn more
today fear doesnt rule me any more as i i have grown

so i understand totally how your scared but facing them and time will give you a new found conferdence you never dreamed off
just keep on ploding on as it really does work and good luck to you when you go back to work

Jeni26

How did it go?