daisy_j

Hope everyone is doing well. I continue to lurk and try to keep up with you all even though I don't always make my presence known!

Well I am at over 3 weeks now without my daily crutch. I didn't get the shot like I had planned. Instead, my doctor gave me a prescription for Campral. It's hard to say if it works because I had already been abstaining before taking it. I don't think it would work unless you can stop drinking for a while first. My intentions are to use it just for a while as a maintenance drug...yes I feel confident I can stop on my own but if Campral can help with the emotional ups and downs and cravings then that's just an added bonus.

But to any of you people out there trying to quit..my epxerience has been that the awful flu like symptoms go away after a couple of weeks. If you can wait it out, week 3 really seems to be kind of a turning point. I feel positively good this week, mentally and physically which is a first.

I'm not going to say that I never drive home from work and think "hmmm...a beer would be nice" because I still do. I just don't follow through with the thought. Because I tell myself, "sure, ONE beer would be great, but if you have one, you'll have ten". Even if I just bought one, I would be going back to the store for more. This seems to be a truth that an alcoholic like myself must accept. When I think of drinking in moderation, it is really just fantasy, because the past has taught me that I simply cannot.

Well I am very glad that I found SR. I must admit, I have only been to one AA meeting. So far I find my books, and online recovery, to be working well. If that changes, I will probably go back.

Feel free to PM me if anyone would like to discuss quitting, or trying to quit. I am not an expert but have no problem sharing my experiences.

hugs to all,
GJ

debsjsu

Kudos Daisy on your sober time and your amazing insite ( even with years of sobriety thoughts that "one" would be nice are normal) b/c one would... But it would not and hasn't been just "one" for a long time... Thats the "alcoholism" talking to you... trying to get you to drink again... You are a very intelligent person that is obvious by the understanding you already have so early in recovery... I however needed a close and personal friend who knew what was comming next, who had already been through all the stuff that I was headed for. Someone that I felt comfortable calling in the middle of the night if I needed to, like when my granny died and My alcoholic brain told me that "just one" drink would calm me down... Anyway my point is that I went to AA and established a relationship with a sponsor before the "storm" hit, so when it did I had someone to talk to that I felt comfortable with, They were not a stranger. I had already been talking to them for a while, they knew me and where I was at in recovery and what would help me the most. I didn't have to explain all that at my time of crisis. That was just my experience.. I am so very happy for you.. I am so glad that you got to that turning point where you start feeling better.. I will be praying for you and continued success. We are all in this boat together.... Love to you Debs

daisy_j

Awww Debs, thanks so much for your kind sentiments.

I was an active drinker for a long time, but have spent years thinking about the day that I would finally give it up once and for all. That's probably why it sounds like I'm a little further along than I actually am.

I agree with you completely about needing a friend for extra support. There have been many times I have wished that there was someone I could call and actually talk to in person who could help explain what was going on with me. The internet is great but sometimes you need to hear a real voice. I hadn't thought of that advantage of going to AA but now that you mention it, it is something to think about. Especially when you mention crises such as your grandmother passing away. It does worry me, how I will handle it when life throws me a real curve ball. Point taken. I am thankful for any insight I can get.

Love,
GJ

CarolD

Great GJ!..

ASH

HI GJ, thanks for stopping in and sharing your success,
it helps us all, keep going no mater what!!!

Hope

Glad that you posted that update. Good way to show others that it can be done.

That is awesome!

c'est la vie

I learned that my definition of moderation meant bingeing only once a week (or twice) instead of 6 or 7. Good for you for your 3 weeks and your committment to sobriety.

Don W

Hi daisy, I can identify with the urges to drink. I'm getting close to 2 months. i also found about 3 weeks to be a turning point. Outside, things are just life in general. It's the inside turmoil that brings about these thoughts of drinking in my case. It is a difficult situation, at times I'm bored, tired of the struggle,miss the club life. Sometimes even all at once. Knowing the answer but, still asking if this is all worth it.

daisy_j

Hi Don!

You know, looking back, you have been around this forum for a very long time (by internet standards). Many people have come and gone but you have been a constant. You have been a source of encouragement for many people as well. But you probably already know this.

IS it worth it? Are you enjoying better health? I am. Do you feel like a better partner? I do. Do you feel more in control of your life? I hope so, because I do.

Of course, this is still all very new, for me and for you. Even though you have managed long periods of recovery before, and I have not. I can say throughout all of this, it has been very comforting to know that I am not alone, which is why I am really glad people like you hang around this place.

I know that the struggle is exhausting, but how many things in life worth having are obtainable without some inner turmoil? At times I feel like we have to suffer in life to get to the good stuff.

Of course, it is the alcoholic in you, and in me, that tries to make us think that maybe it's "not" worth it. Of course it is. Your deeper self knows it is, so does mine. That voice is hard to drown out. The dullness is difficult to gloss over. The temptation to let ourselves go again is sometimes overwhelming.

But the sad truth is, for folks like us, the decision to drink again could lead to death. At any given time, during any given episode, we could go over the line and not make it back. I don't know about you, but I am very, very lucky to still be alive. I would hate for you to jump off and not make it back again. I went back through the years and read your various contributions to this site and to other's sobriety. You are in no way responsible for us, but it would be a shame to lose you. I say this just in case you feel that voice getting the better of you again, it's never worth it to drink no matter what we catch ourselves thinking.

Just remember that you're not alone!!

<hugs>
GJ

Don W

Thanks daisy, you're very encouraging. I understand that to return would be worse. however, right now I'm just venting all these crazy feelings. Kept in my mind they bounce back and forth. once I expose them to you and others I can deal with them. After my last post I went through about an hour feeling sorry for myself because I can't drink and then pissed off because I can't drink. One thing I did that some don't agree with is to volunteer for urine test with the V A Hospital. Some, and myself at one time, would devalue my sobriety if I had testing hanging over my head. Right now I feel that whatever lengths I need to go to. I did it before when i put the 3 years together. I was able to stop looking them as being tested but, as little victories each time I gave a clean urine sample. Make that 2 that are lucky to be alive. I still have scars from past run ins with cars, curb stones etc.
I want to thank you. you helped me remember thse and other unpleasent drinking events. This sounds terrible but, I need to remind myself and you've helped. Waking up from a black out on a bus, having messed myself. I can't go back to that. Don

Autumn

Hey Daisy..... I hope to see you post more often insted of lurking in the shadows! You seem like an intelligent, down-to-earth gal with lots to offer here.

A big congrats on three weeks, and don't be a stranger, k?

daisy_j

Thank you Autumn! I hope you do the same!

If I have one complaint, I am just frusterated that I have not lost one pound! Don't get me wrong, I needed to sober up regardless. But it's been over three weeks with 1000 fewer calories a day, and that damn scale has not moved. OOOOOOHHHH that makes me mad.

But if that's the worst I have to complain about today, I guess I am doing ok!!

Hope all is well in your world,
GJ

Hope

Daisy, you have so much great insight. I am inspired by your posts.

daisy_j

Hope, thank you. I really appreciate you saying so. I get inspiration from you all as well. That's why I hang around this place! I think this would be a lot tougher to get through without SR.



<hugs>
GJ

Don W

I second Hope's statement, daisy