c'est la vie

I'm giving up my painful wish for moderation. I think that having alcohol as an acceptable option "on occasion" gives my brain just enough leeway to convince myself to drink even at all odd times, and it sends me into such a low spot where I feel hopeless, so I drink more. It's a crazy loop that I'm tired of.

I started reading some of my old posts to see where I was when I started this adventure and where I've gone along the way. I'm sad and embarrassed that I've taken myself and all of you on such a wild ride in a desperate attempt to moderate. But I don't think I would be where I am now had I not taken that path.

I haven't had a drink in over a week and I feel good. I worry about all the depression that I've read in other people's experience, but I guess I'll deal with that when and if it happens to me. Right now though, it seems like the right thing to do. (And I always have chips and Diet Coke to lean on, right, )

I'm almost afraid to say this since it just seems like a setup for failure, but Ann's words yesterday in a different forum gave me the freedom to go forward. I don't need to fear failure. I need to accept it as a possibility and a learning tool.

I owe a great thank you to all of you who have given your sincere wishes for my success in the past few months. I will keep them close to my heart when I'm feeling low and weak. I'm already getting nervous like I just signed a life long contract.


I praise you, Lord, because you have saved me and kept my enemies from gloating over me.
I cried to you for help, O Lord my god, and you healed me;
You kept me from the grave.
I was on my way to the depths below, but you restored my life.
Psalms 30, 1-3

best

Unless you are like me in many other ways as well *LOL*

The dr told me...lay off the chips. More salt then I need.

To tell you the truth, from where I sit, you did things in a very logical way.
I am one who likes to gather the facts and make my choices from the facts. I see your attempt at moderation not as a failure but more so as a fact finding mission. I see you as a fast learner as well. Watching your progression over time, I always felt that you would find what works best for you.

You did good.

best

life long? No.

One day at a time.
With the years I have collected, I feel that my choice has become a life long choice because I have found it to be a better way. When I first stopped, it was a matter of...no more for now. Over time that no more for now became a way of life.

c'est la vie

Thanks Best. You've been a good friend from the start of this jouney.

CarolD

My sober life is fantastic!
This can be true for you as well...

You are so wise to quit so young!!
Congratulations!

c'est la vie

I'm not so sure my husband is convinced of this. I guess time will tell. I told him I plan to be the same fun person...just not drinking. I hope I can.

Michael22

Hey Winelover

I'm new here but:

This is fantastic news!!!!!!!!! This is great!!!!! Have you thought about changing your screen name to sober lover?? Why torment yourself? You will love being alcohol free - you will love your freedom - you will love your life!!

I've been sober only 20 something days and it feels great. Alcohol is a depressant and thats what made me depressed. It started out feeling good then went bad - cause I cant drink like a normal person. I dont know about you - but I have better things to do with my life than drink myself away. I feel great - not depressed at all.

I focus on the positive!! I think alcohol is greatly overated - with commercials and brainwashing that we need it to relax - the fact is we dont.

I also found my anxiety went away and I also am more calm since I stopped drinking. Also mentally and physically I am more alert and have not lost my sense of humor or my creative abilities.

I havent given up anything - I have gained my freedom! And so have you.
Enjoy it winelover - savor it - its worth it - you are worth it. We have the courage to change the things we can change.

In many respects we have an advantage over people who havent had to deal with this. We have had to take a long hard look at our seves - and be honest with ourselves - which has given us a sense of awareness that others may not have.

Have a great day!!! Stay positive!!!
peace and love
michael

Music

I have a couple suggestions. I like what Mike suggested about changing your screen name, but also I'd like to suggest that you change your location from "not where I want to be" to "right where I belong." If you think about it, your campaign, journey, "painful wish" or "desperate attempt to moderate," has brought you to this point of realization which is right where you belong.

Most people are depressed because they choose to be depressed. Unless there's a medical reason for depression, I have a choice whether to be depressed or not. Most of the time, I'm in the depression before I realize what's going on but I know the telltale signs. Listlessness, apathy, fatigue, isolation, and a general overall feeling of hopelessness. In short, feeling sorry for myself, sitting in my sh*t, or commonly known as the pity pot. I have a choice as to how long I want to remain in this condition. EVERY morning I wake up grateful that I don't have to wake up and throw up. I haven't had to puke since the day I got sober; for any reason. My attitude is that every day I wake up sober, is a great day. I don't have bad days any more, just a few uncomfortable minutes from time to time. See, I've learned how to deal with these little curve balls that life pitches to me every so often. Yeah, I physically feel a little off occasionally, but I still make an attempt to stick to my normal daily routine which is to get up at 4, eat breakfast and get to the gym. Eat again at 8, get to work(most days)around 10, eat again at about 12, leave work at 3:30, eat again at about 4:30, spend some time with my buddy(wife)or go to an AA meeting, maybe watch some TV and hit the sheets around 9 to get ready to do it all again the next day. I'm 63 years old, been married 43 years, have three great kids and 9 grandkids and I'm grateful to be able to have the life I have and not have to drink any more. My situation is not unusual amongst the people I see at my meetings. Most the people I see at meetings are happy with their newfound way of life. And almost to a man, they say that gratitude is the attitude.

brigid

Congrats WL, from where I am sitting you are getting to the next stage of the process. Well at least it is like what I did.

I sure as hell tried to moderate before trying to quit! I just wasn't very good at it, therefore I had to stop. No doubt if I had been able to moderate I would not be admitting to being an alcoholic, I really fought pretty hard against that one. The writing may have been all over the wall, but I just refused to look at it or read it until later on down the track.

I did find it good to quit drinking. I did think (a bit like Michael22) about all the good stuff. I found alcoholics that were up in the public eye and that I admired for their achievements and decided that I was part of a select group of extremely capable people. I thought about alcohol as my one big challenge in life .. everyone has one .. alcohol has been mine. I thought if I was sick with diabetes would I be able to take the medication and learn how to live with that? yes, that would be ok. Well, I am an alcoholic, the solution is simple, do not add alcohol. That is all I had to do, then the rest would sort itself out over time.

When thoughts came through about the rest of my life I would allow myself to think that maybe later on when the kids were all grown up. Then the thoughts would go away a bit. They have come back through out the years but I now know that I wont allow myself to drink ever. I will be a grandmother, I enjoy my life too much now to do that to myself again. My time on this earth is precious to me, I do NOT want any more regrets about how I have spent it, so it is fine for me now. I just don't drink and am very happy and content about it.

Other people can do what they need to do to be happy, I do what I need to do to be happy, live and let live. I don't feel pressured by anyone to drink to have fun, or to enjoy myself. If anyone feels to need to pressure me about drinking it is them who have a problem, and I can relate to that problem but it is not part of me or my choice.

Congrats on this week, that is awesome!!

I do think that you might like to change your name, just because sometimes these things subconsiously can be a way we think about ourselves ... you are free to think about yourself on another level now, one that may not have anything to do with alcohol.

love,
Brigid

Cathy31

This is a brave and wonderful decision. Well done, Ange!

Cathy31
x

c'est la vie

Whether you realize it or not, each and every one of you who posted here has had an impact on my life. I suppose you know that though and that's why you're here with me again.

Michael, you probably don't even know that I know who you are. I've read your posts and you have a wonderful positive attitude that I want to try to feel also.

How does one go about changing names without confusing things entirely?

Peter

[QUOTE=winelover]I'm giving up my painful wish for moderation. I think that having alcohol as an acceptable option "on occasion" gives my brain just enough leeway to convince myself to drink even at all odd times, and it sends me into such a low spot where I feel hopeless, so I drink more. It's a crazy loop that I'm tired of.

Exactly.

I too found that leaving the door open "just a crack" was all my alcoholic mind and body needed to push the door and come barging right back in.

For me it is all or nothing where drinking is concerned.

brigid

You could send a message to a moderator and ask them to change your name and then post us your new name in a thread. Could be like a naming ceremony. I am sure you will work it out when you decide to do it!

Have a good, sober and peaceful day WL!!

love Brigid

leviathon

winelover,

I am really glad to be here as part of your change. I am glad that you have made the decision. As Music and others have said to those that are not ready to change, go ahead and try some controlled drinking... You did that because you were not ready. You are, however, now ready.

Do not be afraid, do not feel alone. The depression issue, keep in mind, while alcohol is a "stimulant" in that you get a buzz (likely caused by the catalyst effect of alcohol in that it causes the secretion of stored energy [ATP] into the system causing the "flushed" effect) when you consume the initial amounts, it is more properly a neuro depressant. So, when you come off of it your body will have to adjust to that change in your body's balance. Facilitate the change, go for walks, drink lots of water, and keep busy.

Instead of chips, find other "crunchy" foods... vegetables tend to be really good for this. Take a multivitamin (always with food) as your body has been malnourished as a result of the drinking. Alcohol blocks or impairs absorption of numerous essential vitamins and minerals (esp the B vit's).

Cheeriooooooos, Levi

Keep us updated.

c'est la vie

I just got back from a really long walk with my dog and I feel good. I did start taking a multi-vitamin a few days ago as well as a B vitamin. As most of you know, my moods are on a rollercoaster so I hope I'm not just at the top of a really big hill waiting for a steep decent.

best

That was one thing I found out when I stopped drinking...
Alcohol removes the vitamins from our body.
I couldn't give blood...low iron. When I stopped the drinking, the iron levels improved.
C,B,E, Calcium, Iron... a good multi vitamin will do you good.

daddysgirl29

WL, I'm so happy to hear this. You are being too hard on yourself, though. No need to apologize for anything - I agree w/ Best - you did things in a logical way, and the best part is, you ended up w/ the best decision you could make!!

I'm with you every step of the way, sweetie. You know you can count on me.

Big hugs,
DG

BSPGirl

Guud luck, winelover, good decision there.

Jhana

Hi Winelover,

We can truly love something and give it up for the greater good. We are defined as much by what we don't do as by what we do (and we are the only ones who can know the extent and content of both directions).

"Failure" is not a word I would use with you at all; you have been very successful in confronting something you began to see as a negative in your life and try ways of dealing with that. And you are wise enough to see through experience that another approach may be needed, abstinence in this situation. You are trying a new approach, that is all. A lifelong abstinence? You will decide that as you progress through your life.

Most of us, I suppose, have found that there is drinking...and there is everything else life has to offer. For me, it comes down to those two choices, and after MUCH traveling on the drinking side, I have found that choosing life's bounty is much more rewarding.

I look forward to hearing about your new journey,
Gianna

doorknob

Good goin' WL!

DK