wren

well, when I joined this forum in December, I was dead set on stopping drinking. I did make some progress with moderation, but moderation is not my goal.

things started looking up for me (better than they've looked in a long time). a couple of steady jobs, meeting new people etc.
so the part of me that wants to continue drinking is trying to convince the part that doesn't that drinking is okay. after all, life is going better for me.

but I know that at least a couple days each week are wasted because of my drinking. I usually don't crave alcohol lately, but I buy it anyway because the loneliness is so intense that I feel I can't take it. plus, I don't want to deal with the withdrawal (even though I got through it before).

those are just my thoughts.... no where else to share them at the moment.

wren

Phinneas

I gotta tell you, wren, it never gets better. This disease is progressive and the longer we drink, the harder it takes us down. I hope you can look deep, deep, deep inside and pull up that willingness to put the drink down for good, one day at a time.

Keep posting. You are always welcome here.

Justme57

Hi Wren, welcome!

if "moderation" was working for you , I doubt you would be here posting. Obviously you do not feel at peace with it , so why not quit ? The lonliness, and everything else will improve, especially if you go to AA ansd learn some "tools" for coping with life .

Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease

HUGX
Lee

CarolD

Hi Wren...

How many of your new friends did you meet in AA?

Glad to see you here again. Welcome back!

trytrytry

what was your incentive to quit before?

AndrewBeen

hey wren,
i drink also to deal with my lonliness.
i have come to realize that my lonliness is caused by my drinking.
hence the vicious cycle.

drinking isolates us profoundly from other people.
break the cycle and try to connect again.

Music

Hi wren,
I'd suggest you listen to one voice or the other and make a decision. If your decision is to not deal with the withdrawl, then keep drinking until you're ready.

fraankie

gotta find the incentive again

start looking at a meeting

best
fraankie

wren

thanks, all of you. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, and this forum usually helps me with that...

yes, Lee, the goal is indeed to quit, not moderate (more appopriately called cutting down).

Carol - well, I didn't meet new people in AA, but the people I am meeting are sober!
I haven't been going to AA, but I do go to another group each week which I find helpful. It's probably time to supplement it with AA.

As to what my incentive was before--- get my life in order, get a job, feel healthy. I remember feeling like I was in the depths of hell. Now I'm just halfway there. . .

thanks,
wren

michaelj

Wren,
In my experience I have two voices inside my head. The first voice belongs to the thinking, caring, thoughtful me and tries to get me to behave and act in the best interest of me and others around me The second voice belongs to the base me, the side of me that wants and needs and depends on alcohol.
I can listen to these voices and try to choose which one to follow but the second voice has all the tricks and devious patterns of behaviour. It wants instant gratification and only alcohol satisfies it. If you listen to the second voice you will drink. If you listen to the first voice and ignore the second you are en route to sobriety.
You said in your post that you don't usually crave alcohol lately, but why would you if you are buying and drinking it?
I wish you well in gaining sobriety.
Michael

brigid

Wren, you are nearing your goal ... it is great that you have met people who are sober ... spend as much time with them as you can ... go to AA.

Make your decision to quit, take time out to help yourself do that and then time will take you out of hell all together!

I have felt like I am partway out of the blackness at different times, much better than being fully out of the light. I have found my life simplify the longer I stay with the positives. The negatives just seem to gradually fade away when I recognise them and then choose to not let them in.

You can do this, stay strong.
Lots of love,
Brigid

NoMoBeer

wren:
Sorry you're having a hard time right now...

Music is right -- you have to make a decision first. As Yoda says -- "do or not do, there is no try..." You either want to be sober or drunk. For us alcoholics, there is no middle ground.

And I hate to be blunt, but AA is not a program to be used as a "supplement." Make a decision, get to AA, and work the program like it's your last hope -- it might be!

I do "supplement" my AA program -- but AA is ALWAYS the foundation.

Hang in there, wren -- take it one day at a time....

Ken

BSPGirl

And what if another program is just the foundation of wren's recovery? You claim you have no problem with that, d I think you wanna force AA upon people on here. wren, do whatever you think is best, if you feel you have to go to AA meetings for the f2f contact, support or whatever, go for it.

findingout

I think you are right! Ken is actually Hitler and he wants to pound all of us into the Nazi/Borg A.A. collective with his big twelve step hammer! (<--- pre-emptive Godwin strike, though I suspect it will avail me not )

Wren, whatever program or combination of programs you choose for your foundation, Music, and Ken and brigid and BSPGirl are all correct. You really do have to make your recovery the number one priority in your life and then go for it.

My version of Ken's Yoda:

Wren, you ready?

One Love, One Heart,
Tony

NoMoBeer

Oh Dear....

SOOOO sorry. I am not forcing AA on anyone. I am referencing wren's original post, in which he mentioned supplementing with AA. FOR ME, the program is not meant to be a supplement. It's meant to be a program.

So sorry I offended anyone.

Let me try again...

Wren -- whatever program you decide -- get to work on it. If you dabble in this, and dabble in that -- you may never make forward progress. First step is always a decision to act.

And for the record -- PLEASE do not refer to me as Hitler. That is a disgusting, offensive and immoral reference and I have to say, I didn't appreciate it.

BSP -- again, not trying to FORCE a program on anyone -- but I am going to be enthusiastic about what has worked for me. I have NO POWER over what anyone else does or does not do, I'm just trying to help. Let's not start this AA vs. Non-AA war again -- it's really old and tired...

Wren -- hope you're doing great today... and again -- you are the one who must decide you want to be sober, and it should be more important than anything in the world at this point. For me, without sobriety I have nothing... So AA, SMART, RR, counseling, whatever -- find a program which you are comfortable with and commit to following through.... best of luck, I'm pulling for you...

Ken

BSPGirl

For starters: I never refered to you as Hitler and I can see how that offends you, Ken. It was never my intention to let this thread get outta hand like that. Other than that ok apologies accepted, I worded things a bit too harsh. My apologies. But ya gotta understand that there are other programs too and ppl do have the right to be equally enthusiastic about them and yes they do have the right to see AA just as a supplement. That's all I wanted to say, I guess. But yeah I'm not gonna start an AA vs non AA debate here cuz I see AA obviously worked for you, SMART obviously worked for me and there are many other programs and combinations of them that has obviously worked for others. So a debate is pointless. I prefer to share the wisdom.

findingout

[QUOTE=NoMoBeer]Oh Dear....

And for the record -- PLEASE do not refer to me as Hitler. That is a disgusting, offensive and immoral reference and I have to say, I didn't appreciate it. /QUOTE]

Oh dear. My turn to apologize. Ken, that reference was meant as humor to deflect this thread from turning into another A.A. versus anything else debate. I was not serious but I must remember that even with the smiley face, sarcastic humor doesn't always come across in a written post. I simply overreacted to the oringinal poster's claim that you were pushing a hidden agenda (which I found completely ludicrous given the nature of your previous posts on SR) and let loose with the big hammer of sarcasm without even thinking that it could be misinterpreted.
I should have known better and again, I apologize.

Damn, I'm still not perfect.

Tony

2dayzmuse

Use your program of choice Wren. If one doesn't work for you, find something that will. The important thing is to get and stay sober.

CarolD

OK....is everyone back on track?

Let's all get on with the joy of recovery.

Peter

Herein lies the vicious cycle of your alcoholism.

The more you continue to drink is the lonlier you will become.