13 days sober and struggling slightly with AA
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by 2dayzmuse
If you truly want something bad enough, you have to be willing to give it a chance. We live in a quick fix society. My drinking wasn't going to change overnight. It is a neverending, ongoing process. My point is, how you view something today isn't necessarily how you will view it tomorrow. We are ever changing, for the better if we have an open mind and the willingness to allow changes to happen.
Interesting quote I just found while using Google to spell check "preconceived"
How do preconceived notions affect our view of reality?
If these preconceptions are strong enough, then they can, in fact, control our perceptions of what is real or unreal.
If one is absolutely convinced of UFO/alien reality, then any light in the sky becomes a spacecraft and any nightmare becomes a repressed memory of an alien abduction. If these lights or dreams are explained as mere mundane events, then those convinced of their own opinions claim that their detractors are deluded or part of a vast conspiracy to "cover-up" the truth.
http://tinyurl.com/bhssg
I realize this quote has nothing to do with not drinking, but my experience is that once I actually stopped drinking, very little of my recovery has anything to do with not drinking. Not drinking is a prerequisite for recovery but not drinking is not recovery. If an individual doesn't, as A.A. says, "want what we have to offer", then by all means he/she should get sober another way. I just encourage people to make sure they really know what it is that A.A. offers before they make that descision. And yes, for me, that step required some of my "best thinking" If these preconceptions are strong enough, then they can, in fact, control our perceptions of what is real or unreal.
If one is absolutely convinced of UFO/alien reality, then any light in the sky becomes a spacecraft and any nightmare becomes a repressed memory of an alien abduction. If these lights or dreams are explained as mere mundane events, then those convinced of their own opinions claim that their detractors are deluded or part of a vast conspiracy to "cover-up" the truth.
http://tinyurl.com/bhssg
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: London
Posts: 7
Wow, so much has been added to this thread in the last 24 hours!
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. What I meant by pushy people:
1) One person offering me their phone number (very nice of them, thank you very much), taking mine and then calling me several times to see how I was doing. I appreciated it, but I felt kind of like I was being checked up on, even though I had told that person I was doing fine, which I was. If I need to talk to someone I will call them. I'm a very private person.
2) When discussing which meetings I had attended with another person, being told 'oh you should really go to the so-and-so meeting on such-and-such a day' - when I told them I was planning on going to another meeting on that day, at that time the person kept persisting that I really should go to their one, and then when leaving saying 'call me and we'll arrange to meet to go to that meeting' - again I felt backed into a corner, because I had my own plans for what I was doing.
And various other little conversations like this. Nothing major, but very full on. Every individual is different of course, and not everyone I have come across has been like this.
Lulu, just to pick up on what you said - I agree, finding a woman's group has been a godsend - in fact my first meeting was a woman's one, is my favourite and where the lady that I am going to ask to be my sponsor is secretary of. It is a whole different dynamic at women's groups and I like them a lot. I just wish there were more of them about.
Also to QueenShenique and others - I am keeping an open mind and I haven't abandoned AA at all. I've just come to realise over this weekend that I don't think the 90 in 90 is going to work for me, and I was putting myself under tremendous pressure to go to meetings everyday and ending up feeling miserable because I didn't like all of them, or feel totally comfortabale in them. I plan to stick with AA and I'm confident the program will work for me. I just have to surround my self with the right people - I have met people who are very chilled out and relaxed to the whole thing, and celebrating many years sobriety and others who are very evangelising/proselytizing about the whole program. This is not a criticism to those people - but for me, I'm more chilled, and I'm going to gravitate to likeminded people.
Thanks all for your input
I just wanted to clarify a couple of things. What I meant by pushy people:
1) One person offering me their phone number (very nice of them, thank you very much), taking mine and then calling me several times to see how I was doing. I appreciated it, but I felt kind of like I was being checked up on, even though I had told that person I was doing fine, which I was. If I need to talk to someone I will call them. I'm a very private person.
2) When discussing which meetings I had attended with another person, being told 'oh you should really go to the so-and-so meeting on such-and-such a day' - when I told them I was planning on going to another meeting on that day, at that time the person kept persisting that I really should go to their one, and then when leaving saying 'call me and we'll arrange to meet to go to that meeting' - again I felt backed into a corner, because I had my own plans for what I was doing.
And various other little conversations like this. Nothing major, but very full on. Every individual is different of course, and not everyone I have come across has been like this.
Lulu, just to pick up on what you said - I agree, finding a woman's group has been a godsend - in fact my first meeting was a woman's one, is my favourite and where the lady that I am going to ask to be my sponsor is secretary of. It is a whole different dynamic at women's groups and I like them a lot. I just wish there were more of them about.
Also to QueenShenique and others - I am keeping an open mind and I haven't abandoned AA at all. I've just come to realise over this weekend that I don't think the 90 in 90 is going to work for me, and I was putting myself under tremendous pressure to go to meetings everyday and ending up feeling miserable because I didn't like all of them, or feel totally comfortabale in them. I plan to stick with AA and I'm confident the program will work for me. I just have to surround my self with the right people - I have met people who are very chilled out and relaxed to the whole thing, and celebrating many years sobriety and others who are very evangelising/proselytizing about the whole program. This is not a criticism to those people - but for me, I'm more chilled, and I'm going to gravitate to likeminded people.
Thanks all for your input
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Choirgirl)))
I'm sorry, I wasn't directing at you. I was trying to make a point from what another poster said.
I like to respond to what you stated if I could. I totally understand where you are coming from with people calling you and feeling forced upon. I can truly indenify and felt the same way. I'm a runner. If I saw someone from AA coming, I would turn and run in the opposite direction. I didn't want to discuss it or deal with it. I was having a hard time coping with my identity as an alcoholic I felt as if that was all I was. I know longer feel that way. It passed and I can focus on the real issues. I think most of us have strange feelings and ideas in the beginning and later learn to sort through them.
There was no way I would do 90 in 90. I think that is a hard gig to pull off. If it works for some, great. For me, I didn't find it very realistic. I don't want to do anything I enjoy that often. I know that is neither here nor there or not the point of 90 in 90. I don't want to discourage anyone, just wasn't for me. I didn't like going to meetings in the first place. I was afraid that would put me over the edge and turn me completely off. Not to mention that I'm extremely stubborn and don't comply very well. In the long run, I came around and learned to do what was best for my recovery.
Now, I'll try to explain why the barrage of phone calls. I used to think Ughh...again. Noooooooo. In the beginning of sobriety we are fragile and easily led astray. They are just concerned about your recovery and well being. They are trying to help you avoid re-lapse. It is not insinuating you will relapse, but it has been seen so many times before. No one knows who will grasp ahold of the concept right away, or who will not. Sadly to say, I think the majority of us do relapse before we get it. Not all, but many. I know I did, twice. It wasn't pretty.
You are doing great. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and pressured from your new AA experience, because it can be that way. Many of us feel the pressures. You are thrown into a mix of strange and stranger people. Some over zealous and eager. That happens. You'll learn to deal with it in good time. The main thing is don't let the pressures drive you away from the program. It can be extremely overwhelming at times. The most important thing is your recovery. The edges will begin to smooth themselves out and your life will start to become more relaxed and AA won't be so over powering. You are doing great and will succeed. Just keep trudging on...the best of luck to you and kudos for persevering. It does get better.
I'm sorry, I wasn't directing at you. I was trying to make a point from what another poster said.
I like to respond to what you stated if I could. I totally understand where you are coming from with people calling you and feeling forced upon. I can truly indenify and felt the same way. I'm a runner. If I saw someone from AA coming, I would turn and run in the opposite direction. I didn't want to discuss it or deal with it. I was having a hard time coping with my identity as an alcoholic I felt as if that was all I was. I know longer feel that way. It passed and I can focus on the real issues. I think most of us have strange feelings and ideas in the beginning and later learn to sort through them.
There was no way I would do 90 in 90. I think that is a hard gig to pull off. If it works for some, great. For me, I didn't find it very realistic. I don't want to do anything I enjoy that often. I know that is neither here nor there or not the point of 90 in 90. I don't want to discourage anyone, just wasn't for me. I didn't like going to meetings in the first place. I was afraid that would put me over the edge and turn me completely off. Not to mention that I'm extremely stubborn and don't comply very well. In the long run, I came around and learned to do what was best for my recovery.
Now, I'll try to explain why the barrage of phone calls. I used to think Ughh...again. Noooooooo. In the beginning of sobriety we are fragile and easily led astray. They are just concerned about your recovery and well being. They are trying to help you avoid re-lapse. It is not insinuating you will relapse, but it has been seen so many times before. No one knows who will grasp ahold of the concept right away, or who will not. Sadly to say, I think the majority of us do relapse before we get it. Not all, but many. I know I did, twice. It wasn't pretty.
You are doing great. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and pressured from your new AA experience, because it can be that way. Many of us feel the pressures. You are thrown into a mix of strange and stranger people. Some over zealous and eager. That happens. You'll learn to deal with it in good time. The main thing is don't let the pressures drive you away from the program. It can be extremely overwhelming at times. The most important thing is your recovery. The edges will begin to smooth themselves out and your life will start to become more relaxed and AA won't be so over powering. You are doing great and will succeed. Just keep trudging on...the best of luck to you and kudos for persevering. It does get better.
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