Choirgirl

Hi all,

I thought I would stop by and introduce myself and hopefully get some inspiration from you all tonight. Nearly two weeks ago I stopped drinking, after realising that my pattern of binge drinking was not healthy, and really wanting to quit altogether. I started AA that same day and for the first week went to lots of meetings, embracing the whole 90 in 90 days idea, and trying to get into the whole thing.

I know that AA is the right place for me to be, the program, the steps, everything looks great, and exactly what I want to do. Only thing is this week my enthusiasm is wavering somewhat. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. I have met some nice people, have had loads of people giving me their numbers and saying I should call, and I am not being ungrateful as everybody means well, but I have come across a few people that are just a little too pushy for my liking.

Yes, I admit that my life has become unmanageble due to alcohol - TO AN EXTENT. I was never a drink round the clock, miss work, get arrested, life totally f**ked up type of person, my life is actually pretty good in many ways. And that's not me being in denial, I know that following the program will ultimately make my life better. The concept of a higher power I have absolutely no problem with at all - in fact I surrendered to mine about 2 weeks before I stopped drinking because I knew things were getting out of hand and it lead me to AA. AA to me is exactly what i have been looking for as a way of self-examination and giving me a moral code by which to lead my life - apart from the not drinking - and that's great. I guess I just get a little frustrated because I hear all these people in meetings saying how AA totally changed everything for them, and I'm sure it will change things for me once I have stared working the steps, but I feel like I'm already a little bit on my way, maybe a little more grounded than a lot of people are when they first start, so i guess I am doubting that it will have a massive impact on me as it seems to do to many people I come across.

Maybe my problem too at the moment is that everyday I am trekking across London to try and find different meetings that I like and feel comfortable in. A lot of them are just too large and impersonal for me right now. I guess I'm just fed up and want to instantly click in all the groups and be immediately comfortable sharing everywhere - but I know that it is a gradual process and nothing can happen overnight. I really like the 'just for today' approach, that has helped me a lot, as I always put a hell of a lot of pressure on myself to 'succeed' at things, and have goals and deadlines always.....but I realise that there is no timetable for recovery and I have to take it each day at a time.

I'm just weary already though, and I think ****, is this how it's going to be for the next however long??? Another thing I am annoyed at is that I have been eating ridiculous amounts of food since I stopped drinking, as a form of comfort I guess. I haven't been to the gym for a month, so after this weekend I am hoping to get a grip on that and hopefully it will make me feel better.

Thanks for reading this long post, and keep up the good work everyone.

CarolD

Good to see a new member.

I just came home from a meeting on "Inpatience".
All who shared said it was a problem at 1st.

Relax...let your recovery flow in His time.

Blessings..

findingout

Greetings Choirgirl
You are on your way and you may well be a little more grounded than some others. Great! It won't take as long. At the end of the day, assuming you are sober, only you can judge how you are really doing with the rest of the program. Others can share their experience, their strength and what they get out of what they do, but you do not have to consider the word of every other person in the program with more days sober than you as the gospel. For sure, you should listen to everyone but we are not cookies cut from the same cookie cutter. We are individual human beings and we have the right to experience our life at our pace. The thing to remember is that the promises are just that - promises. They will always materialize if we work for them.

My personal experience, and I was apparently farther down the road in the wrong direction than you, is that I didn't really start to get it until around nine months. Did that matter? Not as long as I got bed at night and the bed wasn't spinning. There is no way anyone could have convinced me that I would be as happy as I am today, thirty two months later, when I only had two weeks in the program. This is life, not a race, and things will come to us when they come.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony

Music

Some people say I'm a little too pushy Choirgirl. That's ok though. Maybe they're right. I just have one question. Would you rather be pushed around by someone who's sober and wants to share the gift of sobriety with you, or be pushed around by alcohol. 'Cause ya see....alcohol doesn't give a crap about you. Think about this for a minute. Maybe you just haven't had enough of being pushed around by booze. I realize these days in our current social climate, people get their feelings hurt real easy. I felt overwhelmed too. But what a relief when I was told that I never had to take another drink. That all I had to do was follow a few simple directions. It was all layed out in the book called Alcoholics Anonymous, the basic text, and that all I had to do was study and follow directions. Those "pushy" people you referred to, may have gone a lot farther down the scale than you or I, and are just displaying their gratitude and enthusiasm for being sober. Stick around for six months or so and if you still don't feel comfortable, your misery will be refunded....no charge.

pistol

music, i love reading your posts; and you are so right; last night i had a great experience, i went to a meeting - cousin 13 years sober went with me, it was a tough group and it was what i needed, i was blessed to stand up and read the promises at the end of the meeting, i cried all the way through it and i'm not one to give into crying in front of others, i was totally excepted; it was one of toughest things i have ever done and one of the best; today i have a new outlook and am feeling better about me than i have in a long time; hang in there choirgirl, let time and your hp take it from here.

thenewguy

I don't know about her, but I would rather be pushed around by alcohol. The things she describes are the very things that make me tentative about attending AA meetings. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts...

That is a VERY strange way of displaying one's gratitude for sobriety. If anything, I figure that these "grateful" people would be a little more open-minded and accomodating to a newcomer's comfort level, considering that they had once been there themselves. I guess I figured wrong.

Following a dogmatic, authoritarian book is great for some people, but not everybody. Individuals are as mentally and spiritually unique as they are physically, and I have serious problems with a source of authority that claims long-term sobriety is as easy or attainable as a few directions.

It's posts like this that make me very leery of AA.

Dave

Music

Hi Dave,
I have nothing against greeks bearing gifts. I've met a few in AA and they're great people.
Is alcohol open-minded and accomodating to your comfort level? If so, and it seems like this is the case, I expect you just haven't had enough to drink...yet!!
You hit the problem right on the head Dave. Alcoholics are terminally unique. You seem to think that AA is just too simple. It can't be that easy...can it? The program is a simple one. People complicate it. There are many different types of people in AA. But two seem to stick out. Those who are too smart to get sober, and those who just "think" they're too smart to get sober. Which category do you fall into?
Accomdating the newcomer is not my primary purpose. Being open-minded only goes so far, and is not my primary purpose. I've met people who are so open-minded, the whole damn program just blows right through. Nothing between their ears to stop it. There's a song out that's entitled, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Sounds to me like you're falling for your own BS. AA stands for something and I've been around long enough to have faith in it, 'cause I see it work every day.

thenewguy

I'm well aware of the fact that I have a drinking problem. The bigger issue, to me, is whether AA is the best, safest, or most effective way of dealing with it.

No, I don't think it's "just too simple". I do think it's rather dogmatic and authoritian. I also think it has too cozy of a relationship with the courts and the recovery community at large, especially because of its religious overtones.

Neither. Does the fact that I "think" about (ie question) AA somehow disqualify me from long term sobriety. This is typical AA groupthink that puts doctrine above person. Dont think. Don't ask. Don't question. Because you are "powerless", after all.

AA cofounder Bill Wilson wrote that, “unless each AA member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps of recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant . . . We must obey certain principles or we die.” Heavy stuff. Obey AA or die from drinking. The principles that must be obeyed, of course, are the invulnerable truths of Alcoholics Anonymous.

lulu70

Hello all. I refuse to get into an argument about what AA is and what it is not, because AA is many different things to many different people. What I can and WILL do is share my own personal experience with Choirgirl because, after all, this is her thread.

I can completely relate to your frustrations, CG, but it sounds like you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. I tried out a LOT of meetings before I found one that really suited me. What I finally found was a women's group. I never thought I would get so much out of sitting and talking with a big group of women, but it has been amazing. So amazing that I now call that my home group.
You hit the nail right on the head with that one. It will happen. Try to focus on how you are feeling and the fact that you know AA is the right place for you. There are going to be people you don't like or can't relate to. I feel the same way. I just have to let them go and look for the people I CAN relate to. They are out there too. If you are anything like me, and I expect you are, the people you can relate to are just not quite so loud about their recovery!

Hope you are doing well today. Send me a PM if you wish. Or post again here. We'd love to hear how you are doing!!!

Hugs--

Music

So, how's your way working for you?? My best thinking got me right where I needed to be, so I was able to take another approach. AAs affiliations with any outside interests are figmants or your imagination. It's the other way around. Courst, treatment centers and a hundred other approaches to treating addictions are using AA principles to achieve the desired result. I'm not saying AA is the only way, I just happen to believe it's the best way. It's certainly what worked for me. Personally, I really don't care what method you use.

FriendofBill

Dave,

Interesting perception you have about Alcoholics Anonymous. It sounds like you have weighed your options out.

How many meetings of AA did you attend that brought you to your opinion and how long have you been sober?

Thanks,

Take care

pheonix

I have been a heavy drinker for 20 years. Seven years ago, I decided enough was enough and attended my first AA meeting. I went religiously for six months, and then began questioning the book, the doctrine, my own problem. I am not like these people; I never woke up in the gutter; I have a steady job and am supporting my family just fine; IE-I must not have a problem! Let's go have a beer!
Now, seven years later, I kick myself in the a** for not sticking with it. I am still not in the gutter, I am a full time student with a 4.0 average, and the alcohol is killing me. One old guy, a guest speaker when i was attending meetings seven years ago, said that if God or the program runs you outta here, alcohol will run you right back in. More profoundly correct words were never spoken. Stick with it. ( 4 days sober and looking for a meetin' near me! )
Mo

Don S

I really think that old, tired 'So, how's your way working for you?' slogan ought to be retired. If you asked it of 100 people who had tried any specific recovery program, statistics show that your response rate wouldn't be very heartening. Problem is, the question is usually asked of people who are showing ambivalence about AA. So I assume it's rhetorical.

Try rewriting Music's next sentence without the word 'best', because in my opinion 'best' isn't accurate. Your 'worst' thinking got you there. Or -- even better -- 'unhealthy' thinking got you there. Once you recognize that your thinking was unhealthy, and you accept the notion that you can change that thinking, you're on your way to changing your behavior. That's the basis of behavioral approaches to sobriety.

Courts and treatment centers may be using AA (actually, they're using 12-step, not necessarily AA, and they're not really overseeing it in any coherent manner), but they certainly aren't getting anything anyone could reasonably call '''desired results'! But we aren't really here for social policy discussions.

Choirgirl, if you're having reservations about AA, you might want to look into some of the alternatives. I'm fond of this web link, because it compares the most common programs and gives an overview of their philosophies:
http://rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

Many people combine elements of the different programs in finding a solution which works for them.

That food thing....frequently we trade one behavior for another until we get a handle on what led to the behavior in the first place....
Don S

Don S

I'm curious how his answers to either of those questions would be relevant?
Don

Music

"How's your way working for you?" may be old and tired, only because it's used so often in an attempt to get people to realize that their way isn't working, otherwise they wouldn't be here asking questions. Problem is, some folks have preconceived answers, notions, or opinions when they ask their questions and just aren't satisfied with the answers they get, and then want to argue. My gutt, honest answer to them is "go back out and drink some more." Maybe you'll get the answers that better suit your notions and opinioins.

Best thinking, worst thinking?? My worst thinking was my best thinking when I was drinking. Everything made sense to me in the state of mind I was in. I had do to what I had to do to become willing to try someone else's way, 'cause my way wasn't working. Back to the original question: Dave, how's your way working for you???

Don S

Hmm. My honest answer would be 'keep asking questions, look into alternatives until you find a program you share a basic philosophy with, and meanwhile don't drink.' I don't see how drinking some more would help anyone achieve answers.

Thinking, asking, researching, talking -- all can be part of how we choose and sustain sobriety. The fact that someone is ambivalent about any recovery program doesn't mean they don't earnestly, strongly, even desperately want to stop drinking. In my opinion the fact that someone has difficulty quitting drinking doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to quit. They just haven't fully changed their thinking or learned the tools.
Don

Music

I agree Don. Especially for those out there who haven't a clue how not to drink. Just snuggle up with a six pack, the computer or a good book about treatment centers and what they have to offer and have at it. About the time the first six pack is gone and a second one seems like a good idea, start jotting down some questions you'd like to have answered. Then about half way through the third six pack, start making some phone calls to people you know(about two in the morning would be great)and start asking your questions and blubbering into the phone. If you can make out what you wrote, and keep your friends from hanging up on you, you might have some success. Whatever you do, dont.....I repeat don't call AA before you start on that first six pack. That spoils all the fun of hearing the next day, how many people you pissed off the night before. The bright side is, this method gives you things to write about in a fourth step and some more mends to make.

QueenShenique

This thread is beginning to sound a little hostile/judgmental--I just want to share with Choir Girl that AA doesn't claim to have the answers for everyone--just a way that has worked for many. And we hope you will feel welcome to share in the solution. If folks seem "pushy" often it's because it is so exciting to welcome someone knew to the program. It's like finding a pot of gold and wanting to give some of it to everyone. I hope you will keep an open mind and give it another chance. Wishing you success. Blessings, Queenshenique

Don S

LOL at Music!
Or, you can tape record your conversations for playback.
Now, about that part of not having a clue how not to drink.
1. Don't buy it.
2. Don't keep it in the house.
3. Don't accept it if offered.

Hmm. I need 9 more steps.
Don

2dayzmuse

...or really haven't tried. I thought I was trying, but it wasn't until I really worked the program, was I able to stop and stay stopped. Sure, I was able to white knuckle it for a few months at a time, then it was back to my old tricks again. The scary thing was, each time I went back out, I'd consume massive amounts of alcohol, more each time out. It was like I was making up for lost time. If I'd continued on with that pattern, I don't think I would have made it back with any functioning brain cells. As far as changing my thinking, I was really good at that. I changed it to meet every insane whim my alcoholic mind could conjure up.

I use to feel the very same way. I got over it though. It took time, but I came to realize that my way of thinking was getting me drunk and that authoritative way of thinking was helping others stay sober. I needed and wanted sobriety enough, the dogma didn't matter to me any more. It really got to me in the beginning though, I have to admit. I'm glad I stuck it out.

Notice how I stated stay sober earlier. Heck, I couldn't even get sober on my own. I had to be babysat for 5 days so that I wouldn't run off and go out and get drunk. I was hopeless. There was no way I would have made it through withdrawals without having to have a drink. I would have done anything to get my hands on one. It was other AA members and family and friends that got me through that time. I never could have done it on my own. From that point on, I started going to meetings with a new attitude. I was willing to go to any length to get sober. My life depended on it.

Even when I was frustrated with all the jargons and dogma, I stuck around until it started making sense to me. I think that is key. It's easy to walk into something new and judge it, find it's faults, tear it down and attempt to rebuild it again. The hard part is to see it through to the end and giving it a chance to sink in and make sense. I've got to tell you, my opinion of AA when I first started going nearly 1 1/2 years ago and what it is today, don't resemble one another remotely. It takes time to grasp the understanding of how it works. And it does work. It works if you work it.

If you truly want something bad enough, you have to be willing to give it a chance. We live in a quick fix society. My drinking wasn't going to change overnight. It is a neverending, ongoing process. My point is, how you view something today isn't necessarily how you will view it tomorrow. We are ever changing, for the better if we have an open mind and the willingness to allow changes to happen.