i don't like who i am when i drinnk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3
i don't like who i am when i drinnk
All the bull is coming to an end. I had a weekend of guilt and pain and shame and I've had to tell myself I don't like who I am when I drink.
it's not all the time i can be normal but maybe once twice a year i go bananas and drikn til i don't know what's going on.
Apart from the wee snippets that flash into your brain and make you feel like crap.
friday night was bad tried to work it off but it's lingering.
Shell
it's not all the time i can be normal but maybe once twice a year i go bananas and drikn til i don't know what's going on.
Apart from the wee snippets that flash into your brain and make you feel like crap.
friday night was bad tried to work it off but it's lingering.
Shell
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London
Posts: 53
Hi Celtic,
I know exactly what you're talking about. The problem is that if you do nothing about it those times will increase in frequency.
I don't like who I become while drinking and even on those occasions I think I did like myself (when I felt I was the life and soul of the party, being really funnny etc) was just a lie. I was still being an idiot most of the time. It was funny only in my drunked and distorted mind.
I don't use AA meetings myself but have you considered them ? Whichever recovery path you choose you should make sure you dedicate some time every day to it.
Good luck to you
Lawry.
I know exactly what you're talking about. The problem is that if you do nothing about it those times will increase in frequency.
I don't like who I become while drinking and even on those occasions I think I did like myself (when I felt I was the life and soul of the party, being really funnny etc) was just a lie. I was still being an idiot most of the time. It was funny only in my drunked and distorted mind.
I don't use AA meetings myself but have you considered them ? Whichever recovery path you choose you should make sure you dedicate some time every day to it.
Good luck to you
Lawry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa
Posts: 39
Shell - welcome back. We all understand! For me, the shame and embarrasement was the key to understanding my alcoholism. Us alchy's are different when we drink, it affects us differently. The good nights of drinking are part of the disease I think because it makes you believe you can handle it. The bad nights are always just around the corner. If we continue to drink we will always end up with a hangover, guilt, shame and depression.
Kepp coming back, this is a great group of people who care about your recovery!
Good luck
livlaphluv
Kepp coming back, this is a great group of people who care about your recovery!
Good luck
livlaphluv
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3
Hi and thanks for all your messages. You are all really nice.
After reading the alcoholism/abuse thread I'm still not sure what it is that's making me feel this bad. I don't have cravings and I honestly can go out and have a couple and not even think about it. and I can go for months without any and not think about it.
In the last 3 or four years this has happened to me 3 times.
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
After reading the alcoholism/abuse thread I'm still not sure what it is that's making me feel this bad. I don't have cravings and I honestly can go out and have a couple and not even think about it. and I can go for months without any and not think about it.
In the last 3 or four years this has happened to me 3 times.
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by celtic1888
In the last 3 or four years this has happened to me 3 times.
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
"Blowin in the Wind" - Bob Dylan
You don't like who you when you drink? Easy solution there, don't drink. Considering yourself an alcoholic (or an alcohol abuser...) is not a requirement for not drinking. Some people (or so I've heard) just don't.Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
"Blowin in the Wind" - Bob Dylan
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Last edited by findingout; 05-30-2005 at 08:40 AM. Reason: Bad Tony, didn't credit source
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Originally Posted by celtic1888
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
, dear friend. But it doesn't sound like you're kidding yourself anymore.To me the unpredictability was key to knowing I'd lost control. I never knew when I started drinking whether the end would be OK or horrible (It was never good.). So I had to stop. And finding a support group, in my case Narcotics Anonymous, was key to staying stopped. You are reaching out here. Face-to-face support is even better. I recommend finding a good network whether it's in AA or not. Best wishes in your recovery, Shell!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Warm place, America
Posts: 65
Hi Shell,
There are LOTS of ways to kid oneself. I've been doing it for years. It hasn't gotten better, but worse. And even though a particular incidence that causes me shame might fade over time, collectively they all add up to produce greater shame. I was talking with my sponsor yesterday, and I asked him how long it was really bad for him before he stopped drinking. He said six weeks. OMG!! I could not believe only six weeks. I guess I have a smart sponsor. He recognized his "problem," (whatever you want to call it, makes no difference to ME) and stopped. I tried to explain to him how years of shame and feeling bad are harder and he was basically unimpressed. I guess the deal is, it's just better to stop, no matter how many incidences one has. Good luck and good to see you here!
SC
One more point I'd like to make. Several incidents that were bad took place YEARS ago, IOW, the most shameful ones. So I could try to fool myself and say I've gotten better. Thing is, my shame has intensified, as I've continued to do things this way, in spite of years of "research." Why? Because I haven't learned, have kept drinking, and wasted a lot of time. Just wanted to add that.
There are LOTS of ways to kid oneself. I've been doing it for years. It hasn't gotten better, but worse. And even though a particular incidence that causes me shame might fade over time, collectively they all add up to produce greater shame. I was talking with my sponsor yesterday, and I asked him how long it was really bad for him before he stopped drinking. He said six weeks. OMG!! I could not believe only six weeks. I guess I have a smart sponsor. He recognized his "problem," (whatever you want to call it, makes no difference to ME) and stopped. I tried to explain to him how years of shame and feeling bad are harder and he was basically unimpressed. I guess the deal is, it's just better to stop, no matter how many incidences one has. Good luck and good to see you here!
SC
One more point I'd like to make. Several incidents that were bad took place YEARS ago, IOW, the most shameful ones. So I could try to fool myself and say I've gotten better. Thing is, my shame has intensified, as I've continued to do things this way, in spite of years of "research." Why? Because I haven't learned, have kept drinking, and wasted a lot of time. Just wanted to add that.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by celtic1888
just don't drink!
Simple - big simple things.
ok i'll give it a go
Simple - big simple things.
ok i'll give it a go
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Tony
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Celtic welcome! Once your over those guilities keep coming back anyway, when we get to feeling better after a terrible binge, made all those promises to ourselves, become over confident again is about the time for me anyway, that I thought I was fixed. Fact is I never got fixed just worse until I quit 100%. Stick around here to feed your courage and strength in your resolve to make a change.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by celtic1888
Hi and thanks for all your messages. You are all really nice.
After reading the alcoholism/abuse thread I'm still not sure what it is that's making me feel this bad. I don't have cravings and I honestly can go out and have a couple and not even think about it. and I can go for months without any and not think about it.
In the last 3 or four years this has happened to me 3 times.
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
After reading the alcoholism/abuse thread I'm still not sure what it is that's making me feel this bad. I don't have cravings and I honestly can go out and have a couple and not even think about it. and I can go for months without any and not think about it.
In the last 3 or four years this has happened to me 3 times.
it doesn't matter does it?
how many way s are there for someone to kid themselves on?
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Originally Posted by celtic1888
just don't drink! Simple - big simple things. ok i'll give it a go
Love and hugs,
Eddie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
Originally Posted by Music
You're feeling what I felt when I decided to go to AA. I listened to people talk and kept thinking, "I didn't do that." "I didn't drink that much." "I didn't lose a job or my wife...etc." I was told many times, and finally realized that what I drank, where I drank, with whom I drank and how often I drank, was all interesting but beside the point. The point was WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I DRANK. Sure I went several times just having a "couple." I went days sometimes when the heat was on, not drinking at all. But when I did drink, I seldom stopped until I couldn't drink any more, or until the booze ran out. If drinking causes problems, then drinking is a problem. I read in chapter 3 in the Big Book that if I doubted whether or not I was alcoholic, to try not drinking for one year. I knew I was dead in the water. There was no way I could go a year without drinking; doing it myself. I needed help. I got help and haven't had to drink since. The help is there if you "want" it.
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