So, who wants to guess why I haven't been here for weeks?
A new dawn and new chapter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
Originally Posted by Richey
Yup, massive relapse. And by 'massive' I mean massive...I've been drinking more than before detox.
Hmmm...I'd write more but the moonwalking banana is distracting me @_@
Hmmm...I'd write more but the moonwalking banana is distracting me @_@
Tuff break man, all there is to do is get back on the horse and try again. I'm recently trying to climb back up myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by polkadot
my husband went into a massive relapse and died in his sleep..... he was sober for one year and then went on a binge. just sharing cause i care. His death certificate read that he had a massive heart attack but underlying cause of death was alcholosim. please be careful.....(((((((((richey))))))))))
That kind of stuff scares me. I have terrible insomnia (hence why I'm on this forum at 6am with no sleep)...and before I start drinking to get to sleep I make 'preparations' so I don't choke or die...I even sleep in the recovery position (it's actually quite comfortable)...I didn't realise it until the night ater a part yand my friends were joking about it.
Gah, my friends joke about everything :/ they think I'm boring sober. And they're right.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by Andy F
Would this be such a bad idea for the moment? Where would they lock you up?
Not really. It wouldn't do any good...as soon as I got out I'd be right back in this situation. I'm NOT suicidal and I don't need detox...so I don't need locking up. Besides, they just shut me in the pysch-ward with the proper screaming lunies (and a lot of them do scream)...which isn't good when you started drinking insomnia and stress.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by JaySee
Hi Richey
Massive Relapse was my middle name. I would be dry for weeks then go on four day benders. This was me handling my drinking problem.
What I had to do - one day at a time - was surround myself with recovery if I was going to get well. I had tried all the soft options, and they didn't work.
I use AA (there are other programs) and I would go to one maybe two meetings a day, got/have a sponsor (absolutely vital in my opinion) come here to SR, chat room, post, read, and read the Big Book in other waking moments. I had to. I'm now striking a balance, haven't drank today and have no desire to do so as the obsession has been lifted (as long as I work my recovery program and take one day at a time)
Life is getting better, but I have to put the work/action into my day.
What is your program.??
much love
JC
Massive Relapse was my middle name. I would be dry for weeks then go on four day benders. This was me handling my drinking problem.
What I had to do - one day at a time - was surround myself with recovery if I was going to get well. I had tried all the soft options, and they didn't work.
I use AA (there are other programs) and I would go to one maybe two meetings a day, got/have a sponsor (absolutely vital in my opinion) come here to SR, chat room, post, read, and read the Big Book in other waking moments. I had to. I'm now striking a balance, haven't drank today and have no desire to do so as the obsession has been lifted (as long as I work my recovery program and take one day at a time)
Life is getting better, but I have to put the work/action into my day.
What is your program.??
much love
JC
I don't really have a 'program'...I was meant to do that 90 meetings in 90 days...but it's turned out to be 6 meetings in about 30 days :/
I'm still in outpatient care for another two weeks...and I'm seeing a doctor, psychiatrist (loads of other mental health people) and social workers and stuff. I have a community support worker who comes round most days to make sure I eat and I'm not dead...blah
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by Millwallj
Mate, I hear you.
Think of all the people out there who have relapsed at some point.
I dont know, I am one of the lucky ones who have never picked up again, but I can imagine the shame, the guilt, the self hatred etc.
Dont be so hard on yourself and maybe just try baby steps.
I know a lot about depression and anxiety - i have an anxiety disorder and secondry major depressive disorder and by grabbing all the help that I could inside and outside of AA I made complete - give or take - recoveries.
AA of course was my back bone and was at its simplist just a place where I could sit and be quiet. Other times it gave me a chance to 'buy time' in that the longer I was not drinking the more strength I could feel. Other times it was merely a place that was not a pub or a bar. It can be as drastic or as simple as you chose it to be dude.
All these things you are feeling are part of the human condition and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who understands, whether inside the rooms or outside of the rooms.
I talked to a shrink once about the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL stress of drinking, how it is a MASSIVE PSCHO SOCIAL PHYSICAL reaction and that if your feeling terrible then your body and brain is just responding accordingly, so take it EASY.
The last thing you may want to hear is 'this was meant to happen', but hey you know what: maybe it was.
Booze is not a game. It will kill us. Be strong pal.
Think of all the people out there who have relapsed at some point.
I dont know, I am one of the lucky ones who have never picked up again, but I can imagine the shame, the guilt, the self hatred etc.
Dont be so hard on yourself and maybe just try baby steps.
I know a lot about depression and anxiety - i have an anxiety disorder and secondry major depressive disorder and by grabbing all the help that I could inside and outside of AA I made complete - give or take - recoveries.
AA of course was my back bone and was at its simplist just a place where I could sit and be quiet. Other times it gave me a chance to 'buy time' in that the longer I was not drinking the more strength I could feel. Other times it was merely a place that was not a pub or a bar. It can be as drastic or as simple as you chose it to be dude.
All these things you are feeling are part of the human condition and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who understands, whether inside the rooms or outside of the rooms.
I talked to a shrink once about the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL stress of drinking, how it is a MASSIVE PSCHO SOCIAL PHYSICAL reaction and that if your feeling terrible then your body and brain is just responding accordingly, so take it EASY.
The last thing you may want to hear is 'this was meant to happen', but hey you know what: maybe it was.
Booze is not a game. It will kill us. Be strong pal.
That's about all I use the meetings for - a place that's not a bar.
But I get so angry with people there. I'm not normally an angry person...in fact I rarely ever raise my voice unless I'm quite drunk or in some kind of withdrawals...but meetings rub me the wrong way...I know how much people say they aren't judging but they ARE and the whole thing just makes me feel like a complete failure, which I am, but I hate feeling like it.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by Cathy31
Richey
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am praying for you. I hope that you will find the strength to go to an AA meeting. There you WILL find the strength and fellowship and courage and peace (and craic - as in fun!!!) to really work through this terribly disease/dis-ease.
You NEVER have to feel as bad as you felt that night in mcdonalds/afterwards EVER again - you really don't. Use the help available to you. Phone AA. Go to a meeting in your area. You sound like a really sensitive, sweet guy. You don't need to be filled with self loathing. You really don't. Help AA to help YOU to help YOU.
Thinking of you.
Love
Cathy31
x
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am praying for you. I hope that you will find the strength to go to an AA meeting. There you WILL find the strength and fellowship and courage and peace (and craic - as in fun!!!) to really work through this terribly disease/dis-ease.
You NEVER have to feel as bad as you felt that night in mcdonalds/afterwards EVER again - you really don't. Use the help available to you. Phone AA. Go to a meeting in your area. You sound like a really sensitive, sweet guy. You don't need to be filled with self loathing. You really don't. Help AA to help YOU to help YOU.
Thinking of you.
Love
Cathy31
x
Recovery feels worse to me than almost any drunken embarrassments...mainly becuase I'm sober. I know that sounds stupid and somehow backwards...but often I feel like a drink to cope with recovery, meetings or speaking to the people I have to.
So I DO have to feel that bad again...every day for days and days...and months...etc...
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by bahookie
Hey Richey
I'm forum hopping here, but just wanted to say that it's so nice to see you back. I've been wondering where you were.
It's hard to ask for help, but it's easier than facing death.
Love and hugs to you from just over the border.
Jane
xxxx
I'm forum hopping here, but just wanted to say that it's so nice to see you back. I've been wondering where you were.
It's hard to ask for help, but it's easier than facing death.
Love and hugs to you from just over the border.
Jane
xxxx
Thanks, it actually means a lot...because pretty much no one in real life except medical professions cares if I recover or not.
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Originally Posted by Richey
Thanks, it actually means a lot...because pretty much no one in real life except medical professions cares if I recover or not.
How are you doing today?
Jane
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: London
Posts: 501
Originally Posted by Richey
Recovery feels worse to me than almost any drunken embarrassments...mainly becuase I'm sober. I know that sounds stupid and somehow backwards...but often I feel like a drink to cope with recovery, meetings or speaking to the people I have to.
So I DO have to feel that bad again...every day for days and days...and months...etc...
So I DO have to feel that bad again...every day for days and days...and months...etc...
a few people will let you down, but the programme wont.
Paige
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 48
Hey Richey,
It takes a lot of courage to come back with such honesty. You will find strength and support here. I pray that you can make it to a meeting soon. Help is out there! Thankfully, you are here today to go and seek some! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted. Paige
It takes a lot of courage to come back with such honesty. You will find strength and support here. I pray that you can make it to a meeting soon. Help is out there! Thankfully, you are here today to go and seek some! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted. Paige
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: OR
Posts: 15
What is "sleeping in recovery position"? I can't figure that one out. Is it sleeping with your hand on the speed dial to the AA number? Or sleeping with the Big Book under your pillow? I'm making a joke, but in seriousness, what is it really?
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 358
Originally Posted by justEllen
What is "sleeping in recovery position"? I can't figure that one out. Is it sleeping with your hand on the speed dial to the AA number? Or sleeping with the Big Book under your pillow? I'm making a joke, but in seriousness, what is it really?
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