Richey

Yup, massive relapse. And by 'massive' I mean massive...I've been drinking more than before detox.

Hmmm...I'd write more but the moonwalking banana is distracting me @_@

Andy F

How was it?

Richey

How was what?

Time2Surrender

Hmmm,I still havent ever seen anyone come back and say it was great.Anyway,Im glad your back Richey.Maybe you will stick around this time.

Andy F

Your 'massive relapse'. What was it like? How are you now?

Apologies if I was being forward.

CarolD

So...what is your new plan of action?

At my noon AA meeting we had a newcomer. He was so damned sick
it was gut wrenching to see and hear him.

I never have to feel that way again!!

Lunachic

Richey~~~yep, I WAS wonderin' where'd ya' been.....hummm...well, you came back and... does that feel better???

Ahhh buddy, c'mon now..get back on track eh??

Good to see you!! Hangin' in an Hangin' on!!! Lunachic

Greatful2004

Welcome back!

It is a good point that no one ever comes back and says it was wonderful. Every sober day I spend I wonder why in the world I ever put myself thru what I did when I was drinking. It's not fun, brings only misery. I don't need that!

Time2Surrender

Yeah,Im still waiting to see someone come back and say "It was great! I got a new job,bought a brand new car,payed off all my debts,got in better physical and mental shape then I have ever been...." Nope,so far that has not happened.Go figure?

Richey

It's ok...I just didn't know whether you were refering to detox or whatever.

Blah, how can I say what it was like when I can't remember how I got home 4 nights this week :/

I remember one night clearly because it was so bloody embarrassing. My friend 'found' my drinking in the park just outside the town center. She took my into the local macdonalds to sober up with many many refills of their vile coffee. I was so far gone I couldn't match the hold in the lid to my mouth and threw coffee down one side of it and burnt it so bad the skin peeled off the next day. Also puked right in my lap and got kicked out...then some teenagers outside started laughing and saying I'd wet myself and threw this stale bread at me (we have lots of pidgeons and the bread is too feed them)...I started crying and curled up on these steps...I think I passed out because I had a massive graze all down that side of my forehead and a massing chunk of skin that's left a hole in my eyebrow.

I'd only had half a bottle of whiskey.

I can't even hold my drink anymore :/

Richey

I don't know. I told a friend I was drinking again today...she gave me the biggest pitying look ever. It made me feel like crap. It summed up so much...how I'm pathetic...how I'm hurting people...how everyone looks down on my like I'm a little puppy with a limp...I'm so ashamed.

I'm not going to meetings. I'm not sober...and they can tell...even the slightest bit of drink makes me act differently...it stops my legs shaking when I'm with a group of people, for a start.

I'm afraid of telling people...my psychiatric nurse already thinks I'm suicidal just because of a little bit of self injury...I just KNOW they'll lock me up again. I just know it.

Richey

The good and the bad:

+ My house no longer smells of vodka and vomit
+ I haven't been to the ER in a month
+ My pets are fed
+ Some of my friends have started talking to me again
+ I have more money

- I shake and tremble when I talk to new people
- I have terrible insomnia
- Days seem longer and more boring
- I can't look at myself in the mirror
- I'm gambling...daily

splendra

gee Richey-

I feeel dizzy and hung over just reading this post....... HELP! Us Richey.....Let's at least drink some water to rehydrate ourselves....and take some asprin to ease the headache then we might be able to think about what we need to do for ourselves. keep coming back so we can get this worked out okay.....

polkadot

my husband went into a massive relapse and died in his sleep..... he was sober for one year and then went on a binge. just sharing cause i care. His death certificate read that he had a massive heart attack but underlying cause of death was alcholosim. please be careful.....(((((((((richey))))))))))

wantneeda

welcome back Richey, no matter which way you look at a relapse there's nothin good about it. But you made it back, i will always know i have another drink/drug in me but i don't know if i have another recovery. Surrender and acceptance is the only way out for me!!!!!! Just for today!!!!!!!

Andy F

Would this be such a bad idea for the moment? Where would they lock you up?

JaySee

Hi Richey

Massive Relapse was my middle name. I would be dry for weeks then go on four day benders. This was me handling my drinking problem.

What I had to do - one day at a time - was surround myself with recovery if I was going to get well. I had tried all the soft options, and they didn't work.

I use AA (there are other programs) and I would go to one maybe two meetings a day, got/have a sponsor (absolutely vital in my opinion) come here to SR, chat room, post, read, and read the Big Book in other waking moments. I had to. I'm now striking a balance, haven't drank today and have no desire to do so as the obsession has been lifted (as long as I work my recovery program and take one day at a time)

Life is getting better, but I have to put the work/action into my day.

What is your program.??

much love
JC

Millwallj

Mate, I hear you.

Think of all the people out there who have relapsed at some point.

I dont know, I am one of the lucky ones who have never picked up again, but I can imagine the shame, the guilt, the self hatred etc.

Dont be so hard on yourself and maybe just try baby steps.

I know a lot about depression and anxiety - i have an anxiety disorder and secondry major depressive disorder and by grabbing all the help that I could inside and outside of AA I made complete - give or take - recoveries.

AA of course was my back bone and was at its simplist just a place where I could sit and be quiet. Other times it gave me a chance to 'buy time' in that the longer I was not drinking the more strength I could feel. Other times it was merely a place that was not a pub or a bar. It can be as drastic or as simple as you chose it to be dude.

All these things you are feeling are part of the human condition and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who understands, whether inside the rooms or outside of the rooms.

I talked to a shrink once about the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL stress of drinking, how it is a MASSIVE PSCHO SOCIAL PHYSICAL reaction and that if your feeling terrible then your body and brain is just responding accordingly, so take it EASY.

The last thing you may want to hear is 'this was meant to happen', but hey you know what: maybe it was.

Booze is not a game. It will kill us. Be strong pal.

Cathy31

Richey
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am praying for you. I hope that you will find the strength to go to an AA meeting. There you WILL find the strength and fellowship and courage and peace (and craic - as in fun!!!) to really work through this terribly disease/dis-ease.
You NEVER have to feel as bad as you felt that night in mcdonalds/afterwards EVER again - you really don't. Use the help available to you. Phone AA. Go to a meeting in your area. You sound like a really sensitive, sweet guy. You don't need to be filled with self loathing. You really don't. Help AA to help YOU to help YOU.
Thinking of you.
Love
Cathy31
x

bahookie

Hey Richey
I'm forum hopping here, but just wanted to say that it's so nice to see you back. I've been wondering where you were.

It's hard to ask for help, but it's easier than facing death.

Love and hugs to you from just over the border.
Jane
xxxx