Patrickk

Facing another addiction at this time,gambling,to go along with my alcohol and nicotine addiction.If I am not buying 10 dollar scratch tix,I am going to the casino and eventually pulling out the credit card to keep going.Ive been drinking some beers over the last 4 days and blew 1200 bucks last night at the casino.Its been a couple of months since I kicked the weed addiction but replaced it with gambling my/our money away.Im pretty depressed today,needless to say.

minnie

Oh, hon.

What are you hiding from? Until you answer that question, you will keep running.

Andy F

Hi Patrickk

I had a gambling problem in sobriety. It's fast and totally devastating the damage and stress involved.

Do I want to torture myself. Do I dislike myself so much as to treat myself that way. Not anymore.

I wish you well. My solution was abstinence.

progress

Oh geez Patrick, I'm so sorry to hear that. As usual, I'm lacking in the grand wisdom I'd like to provide, lol, but this is my two cents.

If you have an addictive personality, is there any way you can develop an addiction to a "healthy" pursuit--exercise, old movies, cooking weird gourmet recipes (what I like to do), anything? By the fact that you posted what you did, surely you realize that unless you have financial resources like Donald Trump's, you can't keep this up.

I wish I could be more helpful, but I do feel for ya.

Brookie

I feel for you too, buddy. No advice, because I've never gone down that particular road. Never had much interest in gambling, thankfully, though the last time I tried it I could see how it can get under your skin. I do agree with Wild1 - you're going to need something healthy to get passionate about. I've gone through alcohol, pot, work, music, fly fishing, running, probably a bunch I've forgotten about - some bad, some good, but the attraction to all of them has been blown out of proportion by the same broken accellerator.

Not that I'm telling you anything new. I hope things get better.

BubbaBob

Broken accelerator? Never heard that one...I like it.

BubbaBob

LavenderBlue

Hi...
I've never had a problem with gambling, but I wanted to send some empathy your way. It seems like I can get addicted to just about anything also. Some obviously worse then others but still it totally consumes my life. For a long time I always just considered them phases then I realized that I truly have an addictive personality. I wish I knew how to break this cycle. Anyway, I wish you nothing but the best.
hugs,
Jenn

Patrickk

I see some of you know the personality Im trying to describe.I also get addicted to good things too but when it is something "bad" its affect becomes dangerous in a way.Its been this way for me since I was a kid.

jlo34

Patrick,
I think most, if not all of us, know the behavior/personality you're talking about. I find it difficult to do anything within moderation. Excess, definitely! If I don't at first like something; I will force myself to continue doing it, until hopefully, I can convince my brain that I like it and then I get addicted to it because I spent so much time trying to convince myself that I liked it, that I really did like it.... See what I mean?!?

With healthy things; exercise and such, I have found that if you set a time limit or a certain "reasonable" number; that works out well. I mean, really, how many people start out doing like 50 crunches and then (when all is said and done) have done 200ish?!?! Exercise, if 30 minutes is good, imagine how good 3-4 hours will be?!?! HUH?!? How does my brian get so short-wired?

I don't know - I think it's funny today! Wacky stuff that I do; some make fun of me, I just have to laugh, because really, when I think about it, it is pretty darned funny!!

Good to see you're back on Patrick,
Hugs and prayers,
Jen

woodchip

patrick,God, you remind me of an old dear friend ( ME..)my first treatment center for alcoholism was 1987 (im 43 now)didnt stick.. 10 years later I found a sponsor with 15 yes.sober who's first words to me were it took me ten yrs.to get 1 yr.cleanNOW he works "THE program" not HIS program.Im ramblong.. my point is at 41 yrs old I 'd never been in a casino and was coming home from buying a new $7000 jet ski with my sponsor and passed a CASINO with about a grand in my pocket. I told my sponsor .Ive done so many bad thingsin my life but never put a needle in my arm,never entered a casino, never ate even aspirin for severe tooth ache "because I know me & just know I get hooked on everything ""WIERD"he assured me since I was with him it would be O.K. .worse thing happened .I won $3,700 on my 1st slot machine ..a $2.00 pull. too easy ,I saysI spent the next year laid off from work. MY wife thought I was working.I'd take my cruddy work boots, lunch box.& head to the casino and tore thru credit cards , savings, Blah blah, I wouldnt even go unlesss I had a grand in my pocket, Next, Im drunk at my favorite slot machine "Double Diamond deluxe".I havent been to a casino in over a year now,,,,BUT been hooked on vicodin all summer and then some....WILL someone tell me why we trade one addiction for YET another. what void are we filling.???Now, I snuck to a NA mtg a month ago and go every night and am hoping THAT I get HOOKED on that BADLY<SEVERELY. why cant it be a naked tori Hatcher on in my bath-tub. I'd get hooked on that one too.. ( NOT GOOD ) but really I still have hope that I can find that balance again someday and would settle for ""Happy,joyess,& FREE....best of luck woodchipper

Patsyd1

Hi Patrick,

Its not about good or bad, its about healthy or unhealthy. For myself, anytime I begin to use people, places and things to alter my mood, my mind and my feelings, then its extremely unhealthy for this alkie and can lead to being "addictive" for sure. It also keeps me from my very soul.

They do not call this a "disease of the feelings" for nothing. I remember when I first got sober, I was sharing with another alcoholic that I had such fun going shopping now, and that my closet was filled with things that still had the price tags on them. And she shared with me that anything that I use to alter my mood, put me on dangerous grounds, because altering my mood, my mind and my feelings always lead me right back to a drink. Now at first I thought she was a bit of a nut, an extremist.

But I kept coming, and I learned the truth, that she was right on the money. She suggested that the next time that I was on my way out shopping, to pay attention to how I was really "feeling" and then just "sit quietly" with those feelings and thoughts. What I learned was to recognize when I am "feeling" uncomfortable, and what I chose to do with those feelings.

If I allow it, I can use shopping, eating, exercising, food, sex, anger, gambling, and just about anything to alter my mood, when I am uncomfortable on the "inside". I had to learn to sit quietly with my feelings, no matter how uncomfortable I became, and allow myself to "feel" what I was feeling. I had to pay attention to what and how I was feeling. I didn't like that at times, but I did come to understand that what was shared with me is true, that feelings are not facts, and they are there for a reason and if I do not learn to "deal" with my feelings, then my feelings would always "deal" with me.

I learned slowly through applying the 12 Steps in my life, not to bury my feelings, shove them down, pretend that they do not exist, or pretend that I am not feeling, what I am feeling. I learned to "respond" to my feelings, and not just "react" to them. One of the true gifts that I got from paying attention to my feelings, is that I learned to trust my gut today. I learned that I am not a human DOING, I am a human BEING.

I always wanted an instant fix, and I learned slowly just how unhealthy an instant fix is to the core of my very Being. Does that mean that I deal with everything in my life perfectly? Not on your life, and I learned that I don't want to either. lol

I love these two sayings in AA...... "Easy Does It" and "Keep It Simple"....... because those sayings then and today, still remind me to stay in the moment, keep the focus on myself, and that an instant fix just doesn't exist in "reality" It took time and practice to learn to be patient with myself and just enjoy the moment, but the journey in AA and the 12 Steps..... has been soooooo well worth it

Please keep coming Patrick, because there is much much more to not drinking, then just not drinking

Music

Sounds to me like you love being addicted to addictions. Try not making wrong decisions. I know that may take some "self discipline" and a little common sense but it takes what it takes.

progress

Geez, is that ever the $64,000 question! What is so puzzling to me is why some addictions and compulsions simply went away, but alcohol has always been the one that's toughest for me. At least I am far too cheap to succumb to compulsive gambling, lol. Seriously, though, I am grateful that gambling has never been an issue for me.

To tell my life story, I am a walking psychology textbook: bulimia, smoking dope, abusive relationships, alcohol abuse. With the exception of alcohol, I was able to overcome all of those with varying degrees of difficulty. In all honesty, though, if they sold Vicodin at the local Safeway, I would probably abuse that too.

It is so reassuring to hear others' thoughts and experiences and know that I'm not crazy or a bad person. I am still struggling with putting together more than a few days at a time. At least I am still blackout-free for 19 days now, but last night was the worst slip I've had since then. Today I need to take my own advice and "pick myself up, dust myself off, and start over again." Even though I fail some days, I still want to change. I have not given up on myself. Thanks for being here everyone.

Patsyd1

The void that I was trying to fill, was the hole in my very own soul. And that void can not be filled by anything on the outside. This hole in my soul could only be filled from the inside.
The 12 Steps are an amazing solution for any hole in the soul.

NoMoBeer

It's up to you I think -- how drunk and broke do you want to get? What's it going to take until you find a way to live without these addictions? I guess it takes what it takes, but geez -- you know you have a problem (problems), don't you want a solution?

I guess when I see your posts, I question if you want to live in the problem or the solution...

Patrickk

I may have mislead you guys a little(with the gambling),I did lose a grand this week and spend maybe 20 or 30 bucks a week on scratch tix but the want to gamble is always there but the money is not.As others here have said,I get addicted to what ever changes my mood.Its always been something as long as I can remember.

Patsyd1

Patrick, it seems that you are very aware of what the problem is, and thats great.

After I became aware of what the problem was, I could no longer claim to be "a victim"..... because at that point, I became a volunteer.

So Patrick, what are you going to DO about it?

progress

Well put, Patsy. Thank you.

Andy F

I gambled in sobriety for a number of reasons including the most important core one. Firstly, the people that design slot machines and casinos make it as desirable as possible. I thought I was too smart and not imature enough to be excited by flashing lights and all the noises, etc. Getting a win, no matter how much it cost, became emotionally soothing. And then like chocolate, alcohol etc, you get caught up in it.

The main core reason for me, was it allowed me to avoid general uncomfortable feelings I had about my life. I had a lot of unresolved behaviour that caused problems. Sitting at a slot or in a casino allowed me for that period of time to not think about anything else and winning had a 'soothing' effect on how I felt.

I used to think that uncomfortable feelings meant I was doing something wrong and I would feel guilty because I would 'expect' myself to solve the problem. This was/is how my feelings can become overwhelming. The solution is in accepting that some uncomfortable feelings and imperfection are normal and correctly present.

minnie

Andy

I am not an alcoholic, however I did have a period of time where I was playing slot machines addictively. I did it for exactly the reasons you describe - I was not comfortable with my life and didn't feel strong enough to change my situation. It was an escape for a few hours,

Just out of interest, were the feelings associated with gambling similar to those of drinking?