100

I'm still vaping and it's far worse than weed ever was. I'm so addicted I think of nothing else. I want to quit but I can't even get more than a few hours. I'm coughing all the time. I need to quit but 3 or 4 hours in I start feeling incredible awful. I'm probably vaping 3 packs with a day. I don't really know but it's really bad. I'm not going to count any time I have right now I'm not sober if I'm vaping like this. this is active addiction. im smoking weed im not going to lie as well. I want to Cry I'm in active addiction again. im not drinking but that's it. I have lost weight but the way I'm doing it makes me very sad. my anxiety has been the problem and I'm perpetually sad. the strangest thing is my brain function is great mentally I feel sharp. the thing being sober no matter how many steps I worked didn't take away Helliasous anxiety. I don't want to use I just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm also autistic I make myself socialize every day. I love it but it's also so hard, am I staring, were do I look in meetings. constantly scanning every I do to look normal. I thought aa would cure me of my autistic tendencies. i don't Tell anyone even my sponsor. I am working on my 4 step yes I'm using but it's my only hope. i know I'm an addict I hate my autism I want it gone it's been a living hell my whole life. I can't take it anymore. I had every pill and therapy under the sun. nothing works nothing helps. I haven't told anyone about the weed why bother, what's the point. I can't stop because I Fell better high. I can actually breathe. I'm so tired I'm so angry at my self. I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of fn being told just work the fn steps harder. I don't know why aa worked 2 years ago almost but it's not working now. I can't stop I want to but I can't my thinking is highly comprised. I know what's wrong I just can't fix it.i think I need rehab I so tired I need a rest. I can't do this any longer. my souls is crying is out I'm in agony.
David

Behappy1

David,

Do you have a counselor? I assume you are on medications for your autistic tendencies? It sounds like you need to speak with your doctor for an adjustment. It also seems like you're going down the rabbit hole of addiction again? Whether it be vaping, cigarettes, booze or weed and maybe any one of these have not only become an addiction, but an obsession? Please call your doctor and get in asap. You have a lot going on.

Patcha

If you can get inpatient rehab, go for it. Addiction is a hard journey and we can't all do it on our own. I love AA but it definitely doesn't address every issue someone could have. Re the Steps, just keep going. If you're stuck on one Step, go back to the Step before. If you don't like your sponsor, get a new sponsor. Just keep going. I've tried loads of different things, too. Somethings work for a while, then stop. Then start working again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Get inpatient if you think it will help.

100

I'm feeling better today, yesterday I lost my meds and I felt really unbalanced. I was able to get my meds and I feel better today. I think rehab idea was a over reaction at least for now. I will think about it though. what I really need is have better control over my anxiety and cronic pain. I'm uncomfortable and then I end up self medicating.
David

GreatInquiry7

When I quit drinking my vape habit kicked up to a very high notch. It was making me feel like crap.

I can't say I was able to quit nicotine yet, but I did manage to switch from vaping to nicotine pouches (with no tobacco). These don't make me feel like crap, and while they are 100% not great, for me I at least feel way better on them then vaping as I'm not inhaling stuff into my throat/lungs.

I plan to get off the nicotine pouches soon, and the good thing about pouches is that there are different strength pouches to easily "come off" of them.

With vaping I felt like there was zero way to control it as with my addictive mind I just puffed and puffed and puffed with no remorse.

I'm not sure if this helps, nicotine is a hard addiction, but I know the feeling.

dbyrer

Well, it sounds like your meds work pretty well. Sometimes that is a good thing to know.