I hate this disease so much
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
I hate this disease so much
man I'm so done I'm will never use again. im going to do anything and everything to stay sober. I can and will. I won't listen to the lie ever again. I can stay sober I get nothing out of using. I have so many people in my corner who care. I'm not alone I have so much to be grateful for. my problems are truly of my own making I did it to myself. I can do anything no more excuses. I can have a relationship in the future I just have to have the guts to go after whatever I want. why not me thiers nothing wrong with me. I realize I've been playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself. I can do this. I won't use no matter what.
David
David
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,041
Stop fighting Alcohol, you will never EVER win. The only way to win that fight, is to step out of the ring. It is impossible to lose a fight that you are not a part of. Alcohol is stronger than any of us here, it is relentless, it will do anything to get you back into that ring so it can kick your A**. We are truly powerless over Alcohol, if we continue to drink, we will spiral until we end up dead, in jail or institutionalized. We must begin by understanding the power it has over us. Only then can we begin to move forward to begin a healthy lifestyle.
Step One:
"We admit we are powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Never quit quitting David, you can do this.
Cathy
Step One:
"We admit we are powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Never quit quitting David, you can do this.
Cathy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 476
when I say disease I mean the faulty thinking and how the way I think and view the world what causes the most anguish. drinking isn't what made my life hell it my thinking that's the problem. the way I view the world is what held me back. its afterall why i drink, treating alcoholicism and addiction isn't just putting down the substances because even then my life is unmanageable because drinking isn't what makes it unmanageable. That's a fallacy because what's makes it unmanageable is how I think and world view. alcohol is just a symptom and I truly believe that. I now know I need to completely change who I am and how I think if I am to live a happy sober life. working the program isn't an option, because I can't stand living like this anymore. I can't stand this addict way I think. my thinking is driving me insane. I finally woke up to truth.
David
David
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
It took me 20 years to get a year. An then I went out and was out for almost another 5 years. So all told, it took me something like 25 years to get 7 years of sobriety.
Think about that. It took me 25 years to do something I could have done in 7. David, you're prolonging your agony when you engage with this illness on any capacity.
I come here a lot more than I post. I see a lot people stuck in vicious circles of denial. One week, they're hardcore 100% ride or die. The next, it's lay down and suffer for another 4 weeks. Wash, rinse, and repeat. An so goes their life for years at a time. I was one of those people.
It's sad. From an outsider's point of view who has done a great deal of recovery-It's like watching someone get punched in the face every other week and expecting not to get punched by the same bully a week later. It's absurd. Such is the horrific nature of this illness.
Best I can tell you is to just commit 100% and be militant and go get as much help as you can. Therapy, counseling, AA, NA, whatever. All or one, or some of everything you can do in recovery. Immerse yourself and just ride it the F out.
If you can learn to take the mundane and boring on the chin as much as you can take the pain and shame of relapsing...you've got this. After about a year, this stuff gets a bit monotonous and for me it stayed that way for a few years. The excitement in my life became the excitement I made for myself. Much like the pain I had caused. I got out what I put in. It's that simple.
I wish you all the best. I hate watching people suffer when I know there is a better way. The most frustrating thing in the world for someone who has done this for awhile is that I can't show you the beautiful life that's right there waiting for you if you just stick it out.
Think about that. It took me 25 years to do something I could have done in 7. David, you're prolonging your agony when you engage with this illness on any capacity.
I come here a lot more than I post. I see a lot people stuck in vicious circles of denial. One week, they're hardcore 100% ride or die. The next, it's lay down and suffer for another 4 weeks. Wash, rinse, and repeat. An so goes their life for years at a time. I was one of those people.
It's sad. From an outsider's point of view who has done a great deal of recovery-It's like watching someone get punched in the face every other week and expecting not to get punched by the same bully a week later. It's absurd. Such is the horrific nature of this illness.
Best I can tell you is to just commit 100% and be militant and go get as much help as you can. Therapy, counseling, AA, NA, whatever. All or one, or some of everything you can do in recovery. Immerse yourself and just ride it the F out.
If you can learn to take the mundane and boring on the chin as much as you can take the pain and shame of relapsing...you've got this. After about a year, this stuff gets a bit monotonous and for me it stayed that way for a few years. The excitement in my life became the excitement I made for myself. Much like the pain I had caused. I got out what I put in. It's that simple.
I wish you all the best. I hate watching people suffer when I know there is a better way. The most frustrating thing in the world for someone who has done this for awhile is that I can't show you the beautiful life that's right there waiting for you if you just stick it out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2023
Location: From the UK currently in Mexico
Posts: 30
Stay strong David, sounding like a lion there! You know you can get the job done.
Seems like it is a disease for many and that is difficult. Physical and emotional addiction with all the layers woven into it over the years. For me, so far anyway, it is like a mental switch. Wasn't easy and could have easily died along the way too, been at the bottle for 40 years. Once the psychological triggers were identified and neutralized the urge vanished. Just don't want any, don't miss it, don't hate it either, sort of ambivalent and know it is no longer for me. So mine wasn't an addiction by the looks of it, more a psychological dependency to counterbalance some other dysfunction going on. I get bored and fidgety sometimes, but that's about all.
Seems like it is a disease for many and that is difficult. Physical and emotional addiction with all the layers woven into it over the years. For me, so far anyway, it is like a mental switch. Wasn't easy and could have easily died along the way too, been at the bottle for 40 years. Once the psychological triggers were identified and neutralized the urge vanished. Just don't want any, don't miss it, don't hate it either, sort of ambivalent and know it is no longer for me. So mine wasn't an addiction by the looks of it, more a psychological dependency to counterbalance some other dysfunction going on. I get bored and fidgety sometimes, but that's about all.
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