100

I drank tonight first time in 20 .months told a ladie I work with that I basically love her. I've been keeping.my feeling for her secret. she knows know how I feel for her.

100

I drank tonight and got high. full blown relapse. I confessed my feelings for a ladie a work who basically I'm in love with. she knows how crazy I truly am now.
David

100

okay so I drank tonight I can't believe what happened. I'm drinking again. David

100

man I drank tonight. I don't know whatto do. can't believe I did it. rehab is in my future I think. drank 6 beers tonight confesed my love to a co worker who I have the biggest crush on . I don't care about anything right now.
David

100

I hate myself I drank to night.told a co worker I have feelings for her which is true. only drunk do i have courage to tell her how I really feel. 20 months not drinking down the drain.
David

100

my relapse is complete I ended up drinking. 20 months down the drain. I said a lot of crazy things tonight I'm so sad. I hate myself.

David

Dee74

My pot use and alcohol became entwined too. When I was drunk or high really bad ideas sounded so reasonable.

I even asked girls out too not realising what a hot mess I was at the time....

Try not to spiral into a panic.

20 months is not down the drain David - you haven't lost anything you learned in those 20 months.
You're not starting from square one again - this is recovery version 2.0.

Do everything you can - reach out to friends, sponsor, AA friends, hit as many AA and MA meetings as possible.

There's no short cuts - its hard work to stay clean and sober - but I know you can do it because you've done it before, man

D

100

the worst part is I actually really like this girl who I never had the courage to ask out sober. I realize now smoking was no different than drinking. I will always be an alcoholic and an addict. David

Dee74

Accepting our truth is a hard thing to look at and take on.
I know it doesn't feel good right now, but there is a kind of freedom in accepting that David.

D

100

the sad thing im crazy about this girl and I know its not healthy but I'm being honest now. I want love so bad mabey if I had love I could stay sober. I realize I'm was miserable sober for a long time and told no one. I also realize I didn't think I belonged but Clealy I do. I'm embarrassed by the things I've said tonight. it was like I never stoped.
David

nez

David, I too will always be an alcoholic and an addict.

Recovery showed me how to change the way I think about things and approach life. I learned how not to be a victim of my alcoholic/addict thinking. It no longer controls my life. I have been out from under it's thumb for almost 20 years now. You too can know the same freedom.

I have no regrets about being sober, only gratitude; and the desire to remain in recovery grows stronger with each passing year.

It all started with stopping.

Stop. Reach out and get help. Then reach out to others who are struggling and give help. Continue to receive help. Continue to give help. Before you know it, you will know freedom. A freedom you deserve. A freedom that grows and continues to do so.

You deserve it.

Dee74

Nez is right - do it like he says - you do deserve it.

Noone else can fix you man - I tried that and hurt myself and the people I loved.
Fix yourself - then you'll have something awesome to offer that special someone

D

Mizz

It doesn't matter so much that you think you will always be an alcoholic or drug addict, That thought process is not productive in my opinion.

What matters is changing the behavior and gaining new healthy coping skills so you can deal with your emotions, thoughts, and actions with a clear head and heart. Its okay if you relapsed. We learn from those moments.

The only thing you can do is apply self care, love, and respect towards yourself.

Every single person on the planet has challenges to one degree or another. You are not meant to perfect. With each little challenge we become more resilient. More compassionate. Have more understanding of ourselves and our mission here.

With 20 months of sobriety, it is very clear that you know how to be sober. So, dust yourself off, get back on the horse, and keep riding.

You can do this!

BrianinLondon

Hi 100, I've been looking at your threads and this did seem inevitable. I think it needed to happen. And maybe you will need to experience more pain again to fully bottom out and realise it is completely and utterly pointless. It is good that you told the girl that you loved her and not went all sexual which is what I eventually ended up doing. Ugh. Now that is the one thing I truly regret. She will have sussed that you were hammered and although it is not the smoothest of moves worst case scenario she will be flattered.

The most important thing, for me, is that you are here, coming back, processing it, trying to do better and trying to move forward. Sometimes you need to take a few steps back before really driving on forward. Like Dee said, what you learned in that 20 months is still there - all of that, this incident and whatever else happens from here is just what needs to take place for you to get to where you want to be. I am confident you will get there - I just hope you don't have to suffer ****** consequences before you do.

BrianinLondon

Do you feel you worked the steps thoroughly? Maybe going through the steps again from scratch with a new sponsor and a new perspective would work wonders and provide a focus to get you out of the rut you've been in lately. Just a thought. I think throwing yourself into some work and not allowing yourself to be side tracked by stuff that isn't important in the grand scheme of things is the way forward

Hevyn

David - I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but as others mentioned - I'm so glad you came back here to talk about it. You're never alone.

I drank after 3 yrs. of sobriety - but instead of admitting it & reaching out for help right away, I went on drinking for a very long time. This won't happen to you. You will rise above this time & be even more determined to get free of alcohol & stay that way. We are here to help.

100

I don't think I really wanted to stop till today, since I relapsed I'm taking it all lot more seriously now. I never want to do this again which I've unfortunately said before. I believe I will never do this again. I also see that I need hope. I'm terrified today that people won't understand is the time they tier of me and my relapsing. a huge lesson I've learned is if relapse getting sober really hard and, you are probably fall down a bunch of times before get up again. getting sober again isn't simple. I can do it though I don't to feel this way ever again.
David

Hevyn

Yes, that's what it took for me to finally get sober after decades of drinking. To feel so disgusted that I just could not put myself through it again. I was exhausted from trying to recuperate over & over.
You know where it will lead, without a doubt. No more experimenting. You can do it, David.

biminiblue

One thing I notice in a lot of your posts is that you're overly concerned with what people will think. I agree with Brian above that re-working the Steps with a different sponsor could be helpful. Heck no one is ever "fixed" completely and we all still have stuff to work on, David.

I know you've heard this around the rooms, but what other people think of me is none of my business. I have plenty to worry about in my own head.

FBL

David - I'm sorry that this happened. Get up, brush yourself off and try it again. So, what are you going to do differently to make sure relapse doesn't happen again???