BullDog777

Lately, I ask myself, "Have I bitten off more than I can chew? "

How did I go from the last guy on the list of people to depend on, to the first? I chuckle to myself because I always wanted to be "that guy" people could go to. I get there, and now I want to run away screaming "F this!!"

I find myself depressed at the pandemic, my country's lack of leadership, and my absolute rage at the amount of hate in my country towards one another based on the color of their skin.

I've already had a hard time sleeping, pretty much the entire run of my sobriety, but this is just anxiety and sadness keeping me awake at night.

I'm moving in 2 weeks and haven't packed a thing. I guess that'll take care of itself when the time comes. That's about the best I can do right now. I have 4 women in my house and all of them are slobs. Just mountains of clothes and messes. I don't know how I'm going to get this done. An My dad is coming with me too. I went from a family of 3 to a family of 6 in my sobriety..I love them all dearly but this is a lot...I feel like running away at mach 7 right now.

Can't do that. They all depend on me....gotta be like iron.

F.. %K...

I miss my a$$hole of a mother. As abusive as she was to me, 80% of my life, I still miss the few good times we had and the fences we had mended before she died.

I need to get out of this funk, but I'm not sure how to do that at the moment. Covid keeps me inside, and riots 2 streets over from where I live also do the same. I can't get any real therapy right now and I know there's no end to this in sight. I just have to solider on.

I guess if s#it hurts, I'll let it hurt. It'll run it's course and I'll win the war because I am relentless in my sobriety. I won't pick up a drink because I don't drink. I'm just so overwhelmed.

Grungehead

You sound like you are handling it all the best you can BD. I feel a lot like you at the state of things in our country and my anxiety has steadily increasing through the lockdown, and now the civil unrest on top of it has my anxiety at the highest it's been since I got sober. I had a doctor's appointment for my 6 month checkup scheduled for this morning, and for the first time in ages I felt like I was about to have a full-blown panic attack. I called my doctor's office and they offered to do a tele-appointment as long as I agreed to come in at a later date to get my labs drawn.

I had a therapeutic talk with my doctor. He was angry at how overblown the covid-19 virus has become for the vast majority of the population and reassured me that I was not as "high risk" as I thought I was from everything I've heard. He prescribed that I watch less news and start playing golf again (or any other outdoor activity). My doctor is a very mild mannered Hispanic dude probably in his late 30's to early 40's, so I was kind surprised when he all but said "stop watching fake news". He said he wasn't trying to downplay the virus, but he felt all of the fear drummed up by the media was probably doing more harm than good by keeping patients from staying on top of other conditions they might have.

Bubovski

Hi Bulldog
We are all going through heaps of stuff re the pandemic.
Worse where you are as you are contending with the riots as well.
No wonder you can't sleep; at least you aren't drinking.
Iv'e had some sleep issues too and got some phenergan tabs from the pharmacist.
They help me and are available without a script.
All good wishes---------Paul.

biminiblue

Definitely turn off the news.

I watched one White House briefing in March and since then I've been, "Nope nope nope."

The numbers are on my state's DOH website. The news about the restrictions I can read on the Governor's site. I have no need to know anything else other than what interesting things may be coming out research-wise. The rest of it? Nope. No fakebook, no news on TV or the internet, no talking heads on the TV. All I have is Netflix, so that's easy.

Same with the protests.

Yesterday I was on my daily walk to the park and a lady who is working on her landscaping asked me if I had been up to town (three blocks away) and then proceeded to tell me way more than I needed to know about local protests, looting and vigilantes.

I'm starting to think maybe I'll just keep my head down and not talk to anyone at all,

Dee74

My heart breaks for my friends in the States. Whether you believe in Prayer or not you have mine BD.
I have faith you’ll come through this. Not being flippant but we’ve already been through the fires of Hell - we’ll be ok.

D

Dee74

Now.. I hate to impede this very personal thread but Admin duties call.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ics-again.html (Politics...again)

D

BullDog777

Thanks for the kind words D....sorry bout the politics, i'll make sure I refrain. my bad.

Dee74

no worries man - appreciated

D