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My Black Hole

Old 01-14-2020, 12:26 PM
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My Black Hole

Where I am at the moment is a very dark place in my life – brought about by myself – due to the decisions I made over the years. Drinking just made it darker, but at least drinking made me forget – to a point. It made it easier to simply move reality onwards; (“Pour another drink and leave the problems for tomorrow…”) Of course, tomorrow became yet another tomorrow, and then another…
Then it was a month later, and then a year, and before I really realized, half-a-dozen years plus had gone… and the hole I found myself in years ago had gradually become a canyon. I say gradually and not suddenly. Because that’s the way alcohol works; it gradually strips us of everything we have and hold dear: Family, friends, relationships, money, possessions, self- respect, pride… And it does it slowly, ever so slowly… Because it savors the desperation it finds in us, it feeds on our despair and helps us dig the holes we are in ever deeper… Every day we drink and the longer we wait, our holes get deeper and the walls steeper, and the getting-out ever more difficult.
I’ve begun climbing 35 days (in three hours time) ago, and I’m starting to see some light at the top of my hole…
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:33 PM
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Wishing you all the best. It takes courage and it sounds as if you have it.
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Old 01-14-2020, 03:05 PM
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You're feeling it Rockbottom! Your post was bang on in describing that static state of not being able to move forward. Day 46 here and I really am starting to feel calm and committed and not leaving those doors open to even considering going there. Sounds like you're making great progress.
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Old 01-14-2020, 03:20 PM
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I am so glad you see there is a light at the top. It takes time and recovery can seem so slow that you may think you aren't getting any where; but you are. I promise. Slow and steady. You didn't become alcoholic in a day so recovery won't be that way either. But, each morning you wake up sober you can have hope it will be a little better than the day before
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Old 01-14-2020, 07:56 PM
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Find some fill dirt for that hole, man! Climbing out is good, and experience has taught me that putting something under my feet as I climb is even better.

Congratulations on 35 days and 4 hours.
Outstanding!

O
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Old 01-14-2020, 08:45 PM
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I was in a deep hole too. I just kept doing small things frequently towards staying sober and repairing my life and relationships.

It worked and is still a work in progress.
Do the next right thing and keep repeating.

You can reclaim your life and yourself.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:42 PM
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Congratulations on 35 days.
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Old 01-15-2020, 01:30 AM
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Thank you everyone who responded for your support. Just been to the supermarket (it's about 10H30 here in South Africa) and was - pleasantly - surprised by myself. I'd just been to a store with an a Liquorshop right next door, and I didn't even bother to go in, not even to check their "specials". The thought never even crossed my mind, to tell the truth, but I only realized it when I got home. Had a small, inward smile as reward...
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Old 01-15-2020, 02:53 AM
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Nice.
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Old 01-15-2020, 02:12 PM
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Keep climbing RB it gets better

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Old 01-15-2020, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Rockbottom1964 View Post
Thank you everyone who responded for your support. Just been to the supermarket (it's about 10H30 here in South Africa) and was - pleasantly - surprised by myself. I'd just been to a store with an a Liquorshop right next door, and I didn't even bother to go in, not even to check their "specials". The thought never even crossed my mind, to tell the truth, but I only realized it when I got home. Had a small, inward smile as reward...
fantastic! I’m sure there are many more rewards in your future!!
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