DayTrader

I guess if it's acceptable, then the name "human condition" (or any other number of other politically-correct-sounding titles) makes it sound more palatable and "ok" to live with.

What I did and what I am still doing was took a good hard and honest look at what I was doing and whether it was working or not. Was (and IS) everything acceptable or was (am) I settling for second-best...... or maybe even less? Am I manifesting in my daily actions what I believe I'm capable of? Am I manifesting what I've aspired to? Am I content where I am?

And if not....to any or all of those questions.... I'm challenged to decide if I want to try and be happy as-is, or if it's possible to change and/or be-changed into a person who isn't ruled by those things anymore. When I'm honest with myself, often the decision is, "yeah.....sure.... this current level of BS in my life is totally acceptable and I'm not willing to do anything to change it nor am I willing to consider that it could be changed.... I'll just 'accept' it and make peace with it."

Just like "not drinking" kinda worked......for a while. I find "acceptance" (in the sense I'm using the term) can kinda work...... for a while. In my case though, every one of those instances where I've tried to settle for less than ideal has turned into another weight on my shoulders, another chain that ties me down to a life that eventually becomes unenjoyable and unacceptable.

Need2Know

IMHO, seeking to "not be miserable" is both impossible and counter productive. There is constant misery in life. I think dwelling with that, allowing that, accepting that, is the key. Using drugs, alcohol, caffeine, exercise, sex, whatever, to avoid misery, is ultimately not healthy.

I think we are hard wired to always want more and to be unhappy with not achieving more, no matter how much we have achieved already. Those not hard wired this way will not procreate or if they do, their offspring will be less likely to survive or prosper due to their parent's lack of drive to compete for more resources.

So, be happy that you are miserable. It's a good thing. Don't fight it or try to medicate it away and you will suffer less for it.

Just my $0.02

Briansy

Sorry, I guess the question is: what actions constitute not settling for second best? You have described the problem and seem to indicate that action is needed to address this (ie not settling). But what is it? I guess my reference to the human condition was in response to you saying there was something wrong with you when you went ahead and described the kinda things that nearly everyone engages in if not constantly, certainly from time to time. I really don't want to think of myself as being defective. Is that lying to myself?

Sorry to appear curt, it's 102 degrees here in London today and properties here don't have Aircon. I'm feeling ill and resentful about the lack of Aircon anywhere outside of commercial premises!!

ScottFromWI

In terms of addiction, the action is recovery. What exactly that means is very different from person to person, but it could include some of the following

* . A structured recovery program like AA/Smart/AVRTetc
* . Therapy - both for the addiction itself and any underlying issues that exist
* Physical health/exercise/diet
* anything else you might find that helps

It really doesn't need to be so complicated Briansy.

DayTrader

The short / concise answer is I've done a lot more work lately with the notions of "powerlessness," "lack of power," and what I do and won't do in the areas where I believe I do have sufficient power.

What I've been discovering is that a lot of the areas I thought I was ok in, I'm not and even some of the areas I thought I was in trouble in I'm actually OK. In those areas where my power and/or abilities are lacking, I'm taking a lot of actions I wasn't willing to take in the past to gain some willingness to address them rather than sweep them under the rug and/or just accept them as being ok like I've done in the past.

FreshStartOk

I do think a percentage of people have addictive personalities. And although it is human to seek hedonism and escape, most people are fairly good at moderation. People who are prone to addiction are not good at it, and from hearing most addicts can't go back to being social users, I presume it's actually more biologically based than psychologically.

Briansy

I hope I've not crossed the line with sugar intake! No more magnums would really be kicking a man when he's down.

DayTrader

What alcoholic really wants to be a "social" drinker? I mean, who in this class would want to start drinking and juuuust as they're starting to feel it, would stop suddenly? haha.

I use to romance the idea of being a social drinker until I spent some time considering just what that would be. I came to the conclusion that any alcoholic I've met wanted to drink alcoholically, be able to enjoy it AND have no repercussions.

On the flip side, I don't know any "social drinker" who has ever wanted to drink like an alkie does. They see it as being ridiculous.

FreshStartOk

True. The illusion of drinking modestly and sensibly has appealed to me, but it never works like that.

Need2Know

I agree. I see people out having a meet up with friends. They order one drink. Let's meet up for a beer! Sounds good but in the time that they have one or two I have four or five and then when they go home, I head for the nearest place to buy beer and get enough to get truly hammered at home alone. If I were to limit myself to two beers and no more, it would not only be unpleasant but it would feel pointless. A waste of money.

DayTrader

I dated a girl for the first 6 or so years of my recovery. We'd go out and she'd order a glass of wine. No problem there. Just because I have a problem with something doesn't mean the whole world should change to suit me and my special needs.

What drove me craaaaaazy though - a couple things.
1. to watch how long it would take her to pick the glass up the first time
2. it was agonizing to watch how long it would take her to finish that first drink.......

and this was the biggest...

3. occasionally...... sometimes...... she'd order a second. "Ok," I'd think, "Now we're getting somewhere." But then to my horror, she'd take a couple sips, maybe even drink half of it and she'd look at me and say, "nope, I still can't do it like you did. This is enough. I'm done." In 6 or so YEARS I maybe watched her finish that second drink 3 times. To this day it's still just crazy to me. LOL.

we haven't dated in years but eeeeeevery once in a while I'll get a text from her to tell me something or ask me something and sometimes she'll add, "hey, I finished a second glass of wine last week... " but she never goes for the 3rd.

Bizarre drinking..... to me anyway.

NYCDoglvr

Recovery booted up sugar cravings (remember, booze is sugar) and I put on weight which I eventually dropped. Some 27 years later I still have sugar cravings but have some behavioral techniques to avoid most of it. Last year a crazy woman threatened my life after a meeting and I ran to the store, bought a chocolate cake, and ate it. Would have been much more efficient to just call my sponsor and talk it out.

SoberCAH

You state a lot of wisdom with few words.

Thanks for the reminders (of important things I forget).