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Old 06-10-2019, 10:59 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Brothers drinking

Looking for advice on helping family member

On Saturday night my brother was so wasted he stopped breathing twice and my sister had to phone an ambulance for him. He refused to go to the hospital, they did tests and couldn't be certain what had happened. My guess is he had taken coeidine as I've heard him talking of this before.

Anyway Sunday morning spoke to him for 2 hours about my situation with alcohol gave him the nitty gritty and basically explained I can see him turning into me and how I used to drink. He gave me all the bs we have all said before 'will cut it out for some time' anyhow he facetimes me last night to tell me about a letter he received from my mum since falling out with her and he's drinking a can off beer. I'm so annoyed and I know I have a cheek to be as I've been there myself but I really just don't want him headed on the same path I did, any advice on how to manage the situation without coming across as a total hypocrite?

Thanks lpg
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Old 06-11-2019, 01:36 AM   #2 (permalink)

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If you shared your story honestly there is no way you are a hypocrite. At least from my POV. But your brother may not see it that way though because if you are saying things he does not want to hear he may choose to blame the messenger instead of recognizing the truth.

I understand your desire to help your brother but you know it's an inside job. If he's not ready then he's not ready. There is nothing anyone can say to change him until he is ready. All you can do is offer your support and keep your side of the street clean so to speak. If you stay sober and lead an honorable life it is the most powerful message you can send to him.
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Old 06-11-2019, 04:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I don;t think it's hypocritical to share out recovery story lpg.
Some people still drinking will see it that way tho

One of my mates was getting deep into benzoes and drinking on them - I got told that I couldn't get on my high horse about it given my drinking past.

Ok...even tho that was a decade and a half ago and I never did benzoes...but he did stop the benzoes, so I'm claiming it as a win

Maybe something you said will hit some fertile soil too lpg

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Old 06-12-2019, 02:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I would try to remain approachable, so when or if he desires to truly get help, he doesn't think he will get a "I told you so" response from you.

I would let him know you love him and that you will always be there for him.

He's obviously struggling badly.
“All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. American writing comes from that. There was nothing before. There has been nothing as good since.” - Ernest Hemingway, Green Hills of Africa
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Old 06-13-2019, 04:03 AM   #5 (permalink)

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Thanks yeah that all makes sense. I'm trying hard not to give the I know better speeches as I know when people tried to tell me it only drove me to it all the more as a big F U. Had dinner with him last night, he was asking questions about group I have joined and seemed curious without me pushing it on him, letting him ask questions.

I told him I loved him and will always be here if he needs to talk, anytime. I just really want him to not have to find out the way I did, I only want the best for him. But I also need to remember I can't fix everything, I like to be the fixer but sometimes that just hurts myself more than anything and I get frustrated.
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