One year sober, but struggling a bit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
One year sober, but struggling a bit
In the weekend I could celebrate one year sober, for the first time ever since i started drinking back in 1998.
I got sober through AA, I have an amazing home group, a great sponsor and I worked all the steps, but I feel that recently I have struggled to keep my act together. I have no urge to drink, but I just struggle with life, and I hope maybe some of the people with more sober time can give some good advice.
The feeling of uneasiness and stress has just been pretty much constant for the last 2 months, and my worry is that I really don't know how much I can trust my own mind. I have applied the tools I have learned through the steps of AA but it just seems not to work so well for me anymore.
I do feel a lot of stress about my job, I could make a long list of things that's just not right at my work and that cause me a lot of worry and stress - but then I always doubt if this is really the cause of my troubles or it is just the disease of alcoholism playing in my mind.
I work for a small gardening company and I feel I never have the tools, information and back up I need to do a decent job. Everything is so disorganized, and I feel leadership and taking responsibility is non existent from my boss. I have tried speaking my mind - that I feel left alone with too many/too complex tasks, that I lack decent equipment/that machines/cars are not in working order, but nothing gets done - yet I feel i get a lot of stress and complaints when things are not going the way they should.
The only communication I have with my boss is basically getting complaints about my work, and I feel I can't do a proper job because of the reasons listed above.
My history shows that I tend to get tired of my work place after a while, but I thought this was due to my alcoholism - after a while I'd made so much trouble for myself I wanted to move on.
Now I have been sober for a year, and tried my best, and now I have this strong feeling of dread and anxiety about my work. It's like I lost my pride and passion and now it is ruining my days also off work, because I am too stressed to enjoy my other activities. It's also affecting my relationship, as my GF seems really worried, and her being very codependent, she blames herself for me not being happy.
I phoned in sick today because I could not face another day, and I look for other job openings all the time - Still i have this concern that maybe it's just be and my alcoholic brain finding excuses to blame outside issues for something that maybe just is in my head.
God knows I prayed for patience and tolerance with my work for a long time, but I feel my patience is gone and I just can't do this anymore, and even though I try my best meeting the world with patience and tolerance that shouldn't be an "excuse" to accept anything, right?
All I want to to show up at work knowing what I need to do and have the tools I need to do it, and preferable some colleagues to help me if the task required it, that shouldn't be too much to ask, right?
I got sober through AA, I have an amazing home group, a great sponsor and I worked all the steps, but I feel that recently I have struggled to keep my act together. I have no urge to drink, but I just struggle with life, and I hope maybe some of the people with more sober time can give some good advice.
The feeling of uneasiness and stress has just been pretty much constant for the last 2 months, and my worry is that I really don't know how much I can trust my own mind. I have applied the tools I have learned through the steps of AA but it just seems not to work so well for me anymore.
I do feel a lot of stress about my job, I could make a long list of things that's just not right at my work and that cause me a lot of worry and stress - but then I always doubt if this is really the cause of my troubles or it is just the disease of alcoholism playing in my mind.
I work for a small gardening company and I feel I never have the tools, information and back up I need to do a decent job. Everything is so disorganized, and I feel leadership and taking responsibility is non existent from my boss. I have tried speaking my mind - that I feel left alone with too many/too complex tasks, that I lack decent equipment/that machines/cars are not in working order, but nothing gets done - yet I feel i get a lot of stress and complaints when things are not going the way they should.
The only communication I have with my boss is basically getting complaints about my work, and I feel I can't do a proper job because of the reasons listed above.
My history shows that I tend to get tired of my work place after a while, but I thought this was due to my alcoholism - after a while I'd made so much trouble for myself I wanted to move on.
Now I have been sober for a year, and tried my best, and now I have this strong feeling of dread and anxiety about my work. It's like I lost my pride and passion and now it is ruining my days also off work, because I am too stressed to enjoy my other activities. It's also affecting my relationship, as my GF seems really worried, and her being very codependent, she blames herself for me not being happy.
I phoned in sick today because I could not face another day, and I look for other job openings all the time - Still i have this concern that maybe it's just be and my alcoholic brain finding excuses to blame outside issues for something that maybe just is in my head.
God knows I prayed for patience and tolerance with my work for a long time, but I feel my patience is gone and I just can't do this anymore, and even though I try my best meeting the world with patience and tolerance that shouldn't be an "excuse" to accept anything, right?
All I want to to show up at work knowing what I need to do and have the tools I need to do it, and preferable some colleagues to help me if the task required it, that shouldn't be too much to ask, right?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Sober Tyger
One of the things I try and share about recovery is it doesn't make me superhuman -= I still have bad days, I still feel stress, I still get complaints made about me, I still worry about the future and I still have to face fear about all kinds of things.
What sobriety gives me is the opportunity to solve those problems - not push them to one side with drink like I used to , but actually solve them.
If your lifes not how you would like it to be you have every opportunity in the world to change it. If you feel you need more help with dealing with stress soberly you can find that too.
There's a grab bag of solutions just waiting for you to start looking for them.
Even after several years sober, I still find that exciting
You, me, everyone can live a life that we love .
That doesn't mean that we will always have only good days, or have great jobs, or never get sick - but I've found a faith that says as long as I keep doing the things I know are right (which includes not drinking as well as looking for solutions and opportunities) , my bad day will soon give way to a good one again.
And those bad days - thats what communities like SR and AA are for. - support.
Have you picked your sponsors brains on this?
might be a good starting point if not - the way I read the the 12 steps are not a one and done deal
I hope you have a great celebration this weekend, ST.
D
One of the things I try and share about recovery is it doesn't make me superhuman -= I still have bad days, I still feel stress, I still get complaints made about me, I still worry about the future and I still have to face fear about all kinds of things.
What sobriety gives me is the opportunity to solve those problems - not push them to one side with drink like I used to , but actually solve them.
If your lifes not how you would like it to be you have every opportunity in the world to change it. If you feel you need more help with dealing with stress soberly you can find that too.
There's a grab bag of solutions just waiting for you to start looking for them.
Even after several years sober, I still find that exciting
You, me, everyone can live a life that we love .
That doesn't mean that we will always have only good days, or have great jobs, or never get sick - but I've found a faith that says as long as I keep doing the things I know are right (which includes not drinking as well as looking for solutions and opportunities) , my bad day will soon give way to a good one again.
And those bad days - thats what communities like SR and AA are for. - support.
Have you picked your sponsors brains on this?
might be a good starting point if not - the way I read the the 12 steps are not a one and done deal
I hope you have a great celebration this weekend, ST.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
Thanks!
Yeah, I think my problem is really finding out what solutions to look for, and that AA/getting sober is not a miracle cure that will fix everything.
Probably I am also at a point where I feel I have gone through all the steps of "restoring" my life after having wrecked everything by drinking, and now I am confused about where to go.
I used to think alcohol was my miracle cure for all my problems, and my recovery tools/AA somewhat is a replacement for alcohol in my life. In that case I feel like the last year's work in recovery is the equivalent of my morning beers, the ones that cured the hangover and got me going for the next day. I now tidied up my life, got back to work, worked hard, cleaned up my personal relations, paying off my debts and everything, got a nice home, but now I feel i am insecure about my life again.
I am quite certain my current job is no good for me in the long run, I need a bit of structure in my life and I certainly don't need unnecessary stress factors, and even though I can't demand to get everything I want in life, I can at least try to head in a direction where things are better.
Now I also struggle with feeling bad about having called in sick at work, even though my stress level is so bad I feel physical discomfort, and I try telling myself it's a very legit reason to stay and rest and work out things until i feel fit again.
I am lucky to have an awesome sponsor, who's been to great help, but I think I need to seek out help elsewhere too.
I do recognize a lot of the triggers I used to drink on, though, now they just don't manifest in an urge to drink, but rather in an urge to find peace and rest in other ways.
This has been building up through a couple of months and I really struggle to find any relief, not through meditation nor though the hobbies and things I used to enjoy.
I am concerned though, what is the best thing to do, just solider back to work and deal with all the nonsense there as I used to and hope I will be able to handle it, or just hold on to me right to sick leave and spend my time seing doctors/therapists/aa meetings until I get myself together and try not to think about my job until I am in better shape
Yeah, I think my problem is really finding out what solutions to look for, and that AA/getting sober is not a miracle cure that will fix everything.
Probably I am also at a point where I feel I have gone through all the steps of "restoring" my life after having wrecked everything by drinking, and now I am confused about where to go.
I used to think alcohol was my miracle cure for all my problems, and my recovery tools/AA somewhat is a replacement for alcohol in my life. In that case I feel like the last year's work in recovery is the equivalent of my morning beers, the ones that cured the hangover and got me going for the next day. I now tidied up my life, got back to work, worked hard, cleaned up my personal relations, paying off my debts and everything, got a nice home, but now I feel i am insecure about my life again.
I am quite certain my current job is no good for me in the long run, I need a bit of structure in my life and I certainly don't need unnecessary stress factors, and even though I can't demand to get everything I want in life, I can at least try to head in a direction where things are better.
Now I also struggle with feeling bad about having called in sick at work, even though my stress level is so bad I feel physical discomfort, and I try telling myself it's a very legit reason to stay and rest and work out things until i feel fit again.
I am lucky to have an awesome sponsor, who's been to great help, but I think I need to seek out help elsewhere too.
I do recognize a lot of the triggers I used to drink on, though, now they just don't manifest in an urge to drink, but rather in an urge to find peace and rest in other ways.
This has been building up through a couple of months and I really struggle to find any relief, not through meditation nor though the hobbies and things I used to enjoy.
I am concerned though, what is the best thing to do, just solider back to work and deal with all the nonsense there as I used to and hope I will be able to handle it, or just hold on to me right to sick leave and spend my time seing doctors/therapists/aa meetings until I get myself together and try not to think about my job until I am in better shape
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
Thanks! Yeah, I am thinking I need to see a professional. I did try some years ago, but then I was still drinking and not willing to be completely honest with my doctor or therapist so it wasn't to any use, but I guess it was an impossible task for them trying to work on a lying dishonest alcoholic, but now with one year of sobriety under my belt I hope i can deal with whatever is the problem in a better way.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
I do not know if you believe in God, but when I do not know what to do, I pray about it and ask for guidance.
Sounds like looking for a new job, always keep your job until you find a new one, might help you. There is nothing wrong with starting something new. Start cleaning up your resume and start applying. Maybe go to school and learn something new. Try to find your passion.
Sounds like looking for a new job, always keep your job until you find a new one, might help you. There is nothing wrong with starting something new. Start cleaning up your resume and start applying. Maybe go to school and learn something new. Try to find your passion.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I distinctly remember right around a year of sobriety feeling listless and restless, struggling for a purpose.
For me, it boiled down to the first year being very goal driven. Getting clean and sober, getting my body somewhat healthy, and learning how to live again. There were also mini celebrations at my home every month I stayed sober and I looked forward to it.
After that, everything just kind of slowed down for awhile and it drove me nuts.
All those things that I had to have a laser focus on, I had worked through and while there is always more work to be done, it was the beginning of starting to live my new life with the new tools I had.
That was kind of off putting to me and a little bit of a shock. So, for me, I had to find new things to tackle because sobriety and working through cravings wasn't a minute by minute challenge anymore.
So, I talked to my therapist and her conclusion was that I had to find some new things to be passionate about because that's what "blows my hair back"
That's going to be different for everyone.
Some people start new businesses or change professions or find new hobbies. My therapist equated it to "What did you want to do that you couldn't do because you were too sick to do it?" When I answered that question, things got a lot more fun.
take care and congrats on the year.
For me, it boiled down to the first year being very goal driven. Getting clean and sober, getting my body somewhat healthy, and learning how to live again. There were also mini celebrations at my home every month I stayed sober and I looked forward to it.
After that, everything just kind of slowed down for awhile and it drove me nuts.
All those things that I had to have a laser focus on, I had worked through and while there is always more work to be done, it was the beginning of starting to live my new life with the new tools I had.
That was kind of off putting to me and a little bit of a shock. So, for me, I had to find new things to tackle because sobriety and working through cravings wasn't a minute by minute challenge anymore.
So, I talked to my therapist and her conclusion was that I had to find some new things to be passionate about because that's what "blows my hair back"
That's going to be different for everyone.
Some people start new businesses or change professions or find new hobbies. My therapist equated it to "What did you want to do that you couldn't do because you were too sick to do it?" When I answered that question, things got a lot more fun.
take care and congrats on the year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
Thanks!
Yeah, I often feel the lack of purpose, and I guess this has been building up ever since i finished moving in to my new house - getting a new home was the last thing I needed to do after I quit drinking.
The first few weeks after I moved in i remember feeling so excited, getting furniture and organising stuff here, and I went bicycling and hiking and dit a lot besides work, but it's like the energy wore off.
As I said I am really not happy with my work and feel strongly I need to find something else. I do struggle to figure out what would really be good for me though, what would I be passionate about...
My plan was to work all summer because I couldn't afford vacation with the new home and everything, but a few weeks ago I felt I really hit the wall at work and needed time off so I took 2 weeks of vacation, which just added more stress to my life because of the lost income... Now I worked 2 weeks after the vacation and I just feel as burned out as before, so I phoned in sick because I started getting severe anxiety symptoms every time I even thought about going to work next day.
I have tried praying for guidance to God (as I see him), but so far I haven't managed to find a purposeful path. Seems clearer and clearer to me I need to change job, and maybe go to a completely different field.
Right now I am trying to find an appointment at the doctor (my local doctor has more than 4 weeks waiting time just for a normal consultation!) - and I think the best is to stay calm until I see a professional instead of rushing back to work just to hit the wall once more, as I don't see my work environment changing. My boss runs the company the way she wants and that is up to her, but it's not a good or healthy way for me to work and then I just need to focus on myself and trying to stay sane and at least try to not worry about the work until i get my mind and body back to balance, because right now I am way off balance
Yeah, I often feel the lack of purpose, and I guess this has been building up ever since i finished moving in to my new house - getting a new home was the last thing I needed to do after I quit drinking.
The first few weeks after I moved in i remember feeling so excited, getting furniture and organising stuff here, and I went bicycling and hiking and dit a lot besides work, but it's like the energy wore off.
As I said I am really not happy with my work and feel strongly I need to find something else. I do struggle to figure out what would really be good for me though, what would I be passionate about...
My plan was to work all summer because I couldn't afford vacation with the new home and everything, but a few weeks ago I felt I really hit the wall at work and needed time off so I took 2 weeks of vacation, which just added more stress to my life because of the lost income... Now I worked 2 weeks after the vacation and I just feel as burned out as before, so I phoned in sick because I started getting severe anxiety symptoms every time I even thought about going to work next day.
I have tried praying for guidance to God (as I see him), but so far I haven't managed to find a purposeful path. Seems clearer and clearer to me I need to change job, and maybe go to a completely different field.
Right now I am trying to find an appointment at the doctor (my local doctor has more than 4 weeks waiting time just for a normal consultation!) - and I think the best is to stay calm until I see a professional instead of rushing back to work just to hit the wall once more, as I don't see my work environment changing. My boss runs the company the way she wants and that is up to her, but it's not a good or healthy way for me to work and then I just need to focus on myself and trying to stay sane and at least try to not worry about the work until i get my mind and body back to balance, because right now I am way off balance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
So, now I got an email from my boss threatening to sack me, i am really shocked!
I've worked in this company since September last year, until this week I had 1,5 days sick... once I had to go home in the middle of the day because of back pain, the other day I had a fever and phoned in sick. This week I have been home 3 days, and I sent texts in saying I am sick every morning according to my work contract. I also got texts back confirming they were received.
During these 3 days I have received no phone calls from anybody in my work, which my phone log proves.
The only other communication I got was a text yesterday morning asking me what was wrong. Here, that is considered strictly personal information between you and your doctor, and this is directly google translated form the Danish work laws:
Your employer must not ask what you fail when you are ill. Therefore, you do not have to answer what you fail if you report sickness.
My employer can ask for a statement from my doctor saying that i am ill, but not what illness I have.
Currently I am waiting to even get to a doctor, unless it's a 911 emergency there is waiting time and I can't just walk in from the street to get an appointment.
I wrote my doctor describing my symptoms yesterday but I have not yet received any reply.
My employer writes in her email she tried contacting me several times and that I refused to reply. That is just a lie, as I have no unanswered phone calls and no other communication than me reporting sick and then that one text which she is not even allowed to ask.
I am really frustrated now. On one hand I have been close to resigning anyway, but sure this is a mess and I just can't afford not having a job and an income, also my GF is living off my money and I can't afford to pay for us both in this case.
Luckily I am organised in the worker's union with the benefit of free legal assistance in such matters, and I want to call them first thing next morning for assistance.
I've worked in this company since September last year, until this week I had 1,5 days sick... once I had to go home in the middle of the day because of back pain, the other day I had a fever and phoned in sick. This week I have been home 3 days, and I sent texts in saying I am sick every morning according to my work contract. I also got texts back confirming they were received.
During these 3 days I have received no phone calls from anybody in my work, which my phone log proves.
The only other communication I got was a text yesterday morning asking me what was wrong. Here, that is considered strictly personal information between you and your doctor, and this is directly google translated form the Danish work laws:
Your employer must not ask what you fail when you are ill. Therefore, you do not have to answer what you fail if you report sickness.
My employer can ask for a statement from my doctor saying that i am ill, but not what illness I have.
Currently I am waiting to even get to a doctor, unless it's a 911 emergency there is waiting time and I can't just walk in from the street to get an appointment.
I wrote my doctor describing my symptoms yesterday but I have not yet received any reply.
My employer writes in her email she tried contacting me several times and that I refused to reply. That is just a lie, as I have no unanswered phone calls and no other communication than me reporting sick and then that one text which she is not even allowed to ask.
I am really frustrated now. On one hand I have been close to resigning anyway, but sure this is a mess and I just can't afford not having a job and an income, also my GF is living off my money and I can't afford to pay for us both in this case.
Luckily I am organised in the worker's union with the benefit of free legal assistance in such matters, and I want to call them first thing next morning for assistance.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Hi sobertyger.
At a year myself and sobriety isn't hard, but all the crap drinking covered up that I can no longer hide from sometimes is.
Maybe that work wasn't for you, and drinking helped you cope with that. maybe another career path might be more suited to you.
I think at a year the distraction of just quitting booze is over, and a good plain honest look at life can be....illuminating. It just means we have something to work through or change. Not something to drink at.
At a year myself and sobriety isn't hard, but all the crap drinking covered up that I can no longer hide from sometimes is.
Maybe that work wasn't for you, and drinking helped you cope with that. maybe another career path might be more suited to you.
I think at a year the distraction of just quitting booze is over, and a good plain honest look at life can be....illuminating. It just means we have something to work through or change. Not something to drink at.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
