need some help please
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 44
need some help please
I am ashamed to be posting again as you have all tried to help in the past. I continue to be a highly functioning alcoholic...no one at work has any idea. I perform at the highest levels and continue to make really good money....but my personal life sucks. I'm always tired. I can't remember half the meals I eat at night. My sleep sucks if I've been drinking. Why can't my success at work translate into happiness? I'm so sorry to waste your time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back speed. Sounds to me like your “functioning level” might not really be all that high if it’s causing so many issues? You could certainly wait until your job performance fails too, but you could also try quitting for a whole to see how it goes , right?
I hope you will utilize this site for support and advice and I hope it will help keep you sober. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Speed - We're happy to have you post as much as you want - whenever you want.
It took me a few tries to get free of it also. I once functioned quite well too - but over the years I grew dependent on it. I never thought I'd be an all day drinker, but it happened. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life.
It took me a few tries to get free of it also. I once functioned quite well too - but over the years I grew dependent on it. I never thought I'd be an all day drinker, but it happened. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it's doing to your life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
There's nothing to apologize for.
In fact, you brought back a great memory. I was a low functioning alcoholic. Well, medium.
But the man who answered my AA call, and got me into it, was very high functioning.
He didn't tell me, but I found out from others.
Turns out he's a multi-millionaire.
Christmas in Aspen. A classic Mercedes. Huge home in an elite neighborhood.
Developments all over the globe. He owned hotels, office buildings and apartments.
But he was an alcoholic. And a bad one. and he took the time to do the 12th step of AA with others.
I remember him telling me, "drinking a cheap pint of vodka out of the hot glove compartment, that's real social drinking".
He was a great man who has since passed and he wouldn't mind me telling you this. I still love and miss him.
Anyway, I'm telling you this to make a point. It doesn't matter how well you function in life, it's about alcohol and what it does to you.
Work life is but one facet of life. I reached the pinnacle of my trade in show business. After I quit drinking.
It doesn't seem like your personal life is going so hot. That's a big facet of life. There's more to life than work. No matter how successful you are.
My friend finally realized this and I did too.
Don't know where I'm going with this, but you brought back my friend's memory, and had to share it with you.
Best to you and welcome back.
In fact, you brought back a great memory. I was a low functioning alcoholic. Well, medium.
But the man who answered my AA call, and got me into it, was very high functioning.
He didn't tell me, but I found out from others.
Turns out he's a multi-millionaire.
Christmas in Aspen. A classic Mercedes. Huge home in an elite neighborhood.
Developments all over the globe. He owned hotels, office buildings and apartments.
But he was an alcoholic. And a bad one. and he took the time to do the 12th step of AA with others.
I remember him telling me, "drinking a cheap pint of vodka out of the hot glove compartment, that's real social drinking".
He was a great man who has since passed and he wouldn't mind me telling you this. I still love and miss him.
Anyway, I'm telling you this to make a point. It doesn't matter how well you function in life, it's about alcohol and what it does to you.
Work life is but one facet of life. I reached the pinnacle of my trade in show business. After I quit drinking.
It doesn't seem like your personal life is going so hot. That's a big facet of life. There's more to life than work. No matter how successful you are.
My friend finally realized this and I did too.
Don't know where I'm going with this, but you brought back my friend's memory, and had to share it with you.
Best to you and welcome back.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
speed,
15 posts in 43 months is hardly a barrage
please use this board as much as you can...participating really helped me bigtime at the beginning.
why can't your success at work translate into happiness? it is a very good question, and while your answer might be personal to you, there is also much written about the wider question of what happiness actually IS and what "makes" us happy.
to me, happy is not as important as meaningful, or maybe happiness needs to be based on something meaningful...and here i start again with the questions!!!
but since you are not happy and your personal life sucks, i assume you wish to change the suckiness and see drinking as being related to it?
are you onsidering quitting or just mostly wondering why functioning at work as an alcoholic doesn't provide the happiness you seek?
15 posts in 43 months is hardly a barrage
please use this board as much as you can...participating really helped me bigtime at the beginning.
why can't your success at work translate into happiness? it is a very good question, and while your answer might be personal to you, there is also much written about the wider question of what happiness actually IS and what "makes" us happy.
to me, happy is not as important as meaningful, or maybe happiness needs to be based on something meaningful...and here i start again with the questions!!!
but since you are not happy and your personal life sucks, i assume you wish to change the suckiness and see drinking as being related to it?
are you onsidering quitting or just mostly wondering why functioning at work as an alcoholic doesn't provide the happiness you seek?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by speed39144 
Why can't my success at work translate into happiness?
Maybe to solution is to find a new way to live that incorporates your true self.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Speed - for years I told myself the same line - that I was a "highly functioning alcoholic". I am a successful professional in a high-stakes, competitive field in the most competitive city in the world with a beautiful ex-wife, a beautiful wife, children...
But here's the thing. I don't know how old you are, but the game will start to play you one day. I used to read here and heard for years that alcoholism is progressive - I finally got to learn that the hard way. It's certain that if you keep walking the path you are on, things will not end well.
And in the end you are here on SR, trying to get sober, much like why I was here - because there is something in you that is dying, something in you that is being killed by your addiction. I've come to think of it as the psyche, but you could call it the soul or the self or Mr Rogers, whatever it is. By continuing to drink you are at odds with that self - you are divided. Living a life divided against one's self is a horrible, painful, deceitful and miserable way to live. But it is required in order to maintain your alcoholism.
I think the happiness you want and feel denied is less "happiness" than what I've come to identify as peace or calm - as no longer being at odds with my self.
Until you live in alignment, in sobriety of course, with what your psyche/soul/self most desires, the pain you are in will continue.
At least that's what I have come to learn.
But here's the thing. I don't know how old you are, but the game will start to play you one day. I used to read here and heard for years that alcoholism is progressive - I finally got to learn that the hard way. It's certain that if you keep walking the path you are on, things will not end well.
And in the end you are here on SR, trying to get sober, much like why I was here - because there is something in you that is dying, something in you that is being killed by your addiction. I've come to think of it as the psyche, but you could call it the soul or the self or Mr Rogers, whatever it is. By continuing to drink you are at odds with that self - you are divided. Living a life divided against one's self is a horrible, painful, deceitful and miserable way to live. But it is required in order to maintain your alcoholism.
I think the happiness you want and feel denied is less "happiness" than what I've come to identify as peace or calm - as no longer being at odds with my self.
Until you live in alignment, in sobriety of course, with what your psyche/soul/self most desires, the pain you are in will continue.
At least that's what I have come to learn.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by speed39144
I am ashamed to be posting again as you have all tried to help in the past. I continue to be a highly functioning alcoholic...no one at work has any idea. I perform at the highest levels and continue to make really good money....but my personal life sucks. I'm always tired. I can't remember half the meals I eat at night. My sleep sucks if I've been drinking. Why can't my success at work translate into happiness? I'm so sorry to waste your time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
speed we're here to help do I actually hope you use us a little more.
For the first ten years of mt drinkign noone knew I was any different tio anyone else as a drinker...then for the last ten years everyone knew,,,I was the neighbourhood bum.
The transition from one to the other was frighteningly quick, and it can happen to anyone.
I credit this place with helping me turn my life around - you could do a loit worse than post here regularly
D
For the first ten years of mt drinkign noone knew I was any different tio anyone else as a drinker...then for the last ten years everyone knew,,,I was the neighbourhood bum.
The transition from one to the other was frighteningly quick, and it can happen to anyone.
I credit this place with helping me turn my life around - you could do a loit worse than post here regularly
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 3
Speed I'm in the same boat. Exact same, awesome at work, but have other issues. I literally signed up here about an hour ago. If I'm here and your here, we are both being honest with ourselves. I'm about 21 hours since my last drink. I have a fridge full of beer, but haven't grabbed one yet tonight. My best wishes to you on your own journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
That isn’t unlike my story; one would think academic and professional achievement would translate into kicking the booze habit, and it both did but didn’t for me.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
Originally Posted by daredevil
That isn’t unlike my story; one would think academic and professional achievement would translate into kicking the booze habit, and it both did but didn’t for me.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
I also went back to old hobbies and started trailrunning and a yoga practice. More recently, I've added in meditation.
It helps greatly to push back against the urges.
The thing is, you're "high functioning" until you're not, and that can happen quick or you can be eroding and not realize it, even though those around you know something is wrong.
They may not say anything, but don't think it is so very hidden, or will remain so given the progression of the addiction that you describe.
Wishing you the best
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by daredevil
That isn’t unlike my story; one would think academic and professional achievement would translate into kicking the booze habit, and it both did but didn’t for me.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
If anything, the former justifies the latter and the latter threatens the former.
As for happiness, I had to reengage in old hobbies and find new activities that I could do in the evenings in lieu of drinking, and so far so good.
I remember thinking that I could sure earn sheepskins just fine, but that I couldn't quit bending my elbow at the bar every night.
Those degrees wouldn't do me any good at all if I was too drunk to work.
So I ultimately asked for and received help for my drinking problem.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 44
Every day is a struggle. I wake up each day able to function, but lose ground as the day progresses. By the time I get home I need a 45min nap to combat the fatigue before I start drinking. I sleep a minimum of 9 hours a night so I can work the next day. My passion is cooking, and when I do that I'm very happy. Often wish I could trade alcohol for gourmet cooking. I realize I cannot handle the drinking and just wish I could move on like I did when I quit smoking. I am a high achiever at work but totally shut myself down at night, barely able to remember what happened the next day. I feel I am close to making the choice to quit as I did when I quit smoking....Just need a little push to do it
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