AA Exhaustion and Health Issues
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
AA Exhaustion and Health Issues
Hello all. Hope you are all having a wonderful day. I feel like my sponsor expects too much of me. She wants me on committees, opening meetings. I have ended up with high blood pressure over it all and are back on medication. I'm on a tight budget and can'tafford to drive halfway across the city to do a morning meeting. At night my blood pressure sky rockets because I feel guilty for not being at a meeting. I think I have literally almost killed myself through drinking and are too afraid to pick up a drink. I just needed to vent. Last time I went to a meeting I nearly collapsed and had to be helped back to the car. My question is if I put my health first does that mean I am not putting sobriety first? Am I just being selfish? I don't want to be embarassed again by nearly collapsing and worrying people. I will see a doctor again next week but he can never find anything wrong with me to explain anything like this. I am also overweight and unfit so that could be a part of it. I'm not asking for medical advice just how far do you take putting sobriety first?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm sure noone wants to see you collapse sweetichick - if it's too much then you have a right to say so.
But make sure it's not that sneaky AV at work - if you're too tired to drive to meetings, you have to be too tired to go and buy some drink too, so if those thoughts come, dismiss them.
D
But make sure it's not that sneaky AV at work - if you're too tired to drive to meetings, you have to be too tired to go and buy some drink too, so if those thoughts come, dismiss them.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Sweeti,
seems like there may be a middle way.
talk to your sponsor about it being too much and that you want to come to meetings and participate, but no extras for now.
I bet she will understand if you explain to her.
seems like there may be a middle way.
talk to your sponsor about it being too much and that you want to come to meetings and participate, but no extras for now.
I bet she will understand if you explain to her.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
My sponsor never ordered me to do
anything. It was thru her actions and
suggestion that gently guided me to
what I needed to do in order to remain
sober after my 28 day rehab experience.
She was the one who came to the treatment
facility and picked up patients and take them
to outside meetings. She picked me up as part
of her service work which helped her strengthen
her own program.
I remember at one time I may have needed
to replace her because she wasn't tough enough
with me in working the steps or ridged enough
in helping me work a perfect program.
See, I saw this one lady, a mother hen
kinda lady that took a bunch of women
under her wing and taught them all the
same recovery technique, same talk, same
way to work her program.
Sure it all sounded mimicky, parrottie as I
listened to each lady talk the same language,
same words in all their shares at meetings.
I would have worked her program at her
command and ….for me....I just couldn't
do it that way. To have someone TELL me
what to do reminded me so much of my
own narcasistic mom growing up and
became very resentful of her.
I had to stick to what worked best for my
own life and situation. As a stay at home
mom, wife, I had my own responsibilities
there and had to find a balance with working
my recovery program as well as my family.
There's not a one fit that fits all and I had
to find the one that worked well for my
situation just like for you.
I followed in my own sponsors footsteps
as she led me to the meetings, meeting
folks, learning about service work all with
her kindness, care, and concern.
I then took to the path of recovery being
responsible for my own recovery program,
going to step study meetings to learn how
to work and live them in my everyday life.
Big Book meetings, Conventions, service
work by baking for all my meetings all at
my own pace.
I chaired a few meetings which didn't kill
me, shared from time to time my story when
I picked up my chips, picked up or collected
empty coffee cups at the end of meetings,
read at opening and closing meetings.
Whatever I have been doing over the past
27 yrs has kept me sober. Not perfect, but
it has worked for me.
Find what will work for you and work it.
Then live it each day moving forward.
anything. It was thru her actions and
suggestion that gently guided me to
what I needed to do in order to remain
sober after my 28 day rehab experience.
She was the one who came to the treatment
facility and picked up patients and take them
to outside meetings. She picked me up as part
of her service work which helped her strengthen
her own program.
I remember at one time I may have needed
to replace her because she wasn't tough enough
with me in working the steps or ridged enough
in helping me work a perfect program.
See, I saw this one lady, a mother hen
kinda lady that took a bunch of women
under her wing and taught them all the
same recovery technique, same talk, same
way to work her program.
Sure it all sounded mimicky, parrottie as I
listened to each lady talk the same language,
same words in all their shares at meetings.
I would have worked her program at her
command and ….for me....I just couldn't
do it that way. To have someone TELL me
what to do reminded me so much of my
own narcasistic mom growing up and
became very resentful of her.
I had to stick to what worked best for my
own life and situation. As a stay at home
mom, wife, I had my own responsibilities
there and had to find a balance with working
my recovery program as well as my family.
There's not a one fit that fits all and I had
to find the one that worked well for my
situation just like for you.
I followed in my own sponsors footsteps
as she led me to the meetings, meeting
folks, learning about service work all with
her kindness, care, and concern.
I then took to the path of recovery being
responsible for my own recovery program,
going to step study meetings to learn how
to work and live them in my everyday life.
Big Book meetings, Conventions, service
work by baking for all my meetings all at
my own pace.
I chaired a few meetings which didn't kill
me, shared from time to time my story when
I picked up my chips, picked up or collected
empty coffee cups at the end of meetings,
read at opening and closing meetings.
Whatever I have been doing over the past
27 yrs has kept me sober. Not perfect, but
it has worked for me.
Find what will work for you and work it.
Then live it each day moving forward.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sweet,
Ime...sponsors are only human and make mistakes.
If what is being asked is causing you health issues, stop.
But, if there is a balance between recovery involvement, health, and relapse that is the consideration.
I think about going to AA meetings sometimes, but since I am livimg ok without AA, why go back.
For you, at this time, AA might be a necessity.
Thanks.
Ime...sponsors are only human and make mistakes.
If what is being asked is causing you health issues, stop.
But, if there is a balance between recovery involvement, health, and relapse that is the consideration.
I think about going to AA meetings sometimes, but since I am livimg ok without AA, why go back.
For you, at this time, AA might be a necessity.
Thanks.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Most things in life worth having are not easy to obtain Sweetichick, sobriety is no different. If you are just venting that’s fine, but remember you are only a few weeks into this. We abused our bodies and minds for a long time so it’s going to take time to heal. Talk to your sponsor and tell her how you feel...if she’s truly not listening then find another.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Sweet, I'm going to be direct. This is another riff on victim thinking. But now you are a victim of AA/your sponsor. Its always someone or something else.
You actually choose how you feel and react....to everything. Everything. Nothing outside of you can force you to think/feel anything. Nothing outside of you can solve what is yours to solve. You can do this. Own it. And be honest with yourself.
Hang in there.
You actually choose how you feel and react....to everything. Everything. Nothing outside of you can force you to think/feel anything. Nothing outside of you can solve what is yours to solve. You can do this. Own it. And be honest with yourself.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
a sponsors responsibility is to guide a sponsee through the steps.
efore you mentioned sponsor isnt starting steps until june. thats pretty screwed up. think it would be wise to find a sponsor that is going to guide ya through the steps.
service work doesnt help us recover..
its the steps we take, not the service work, that does that.
although i wouldnt suggeat stopping some service work commitments. opening meetings alone is a good thing. not sure about being on comittees- typically that should be reserved for people that have been through the steps and understa d the traditions
HOWEVER, you have a history of making excuses why you cant do______________,too.
and end up drunk every time
efore you mentioned sponsor isnt starting steps until june. thats pretty screwed up. think it would be wise to find a sponsor that is going to guide ya through the steps.
service work doesnt help us recover..
its the steps we take, not the service work, that does that.
although i wouldnt suggeat stopping some service work commitments. opening meetings alone is a good thing. not sure about being on comittees- typically that should be reserved for people that have been through the steps and understa d the traditions
HOWEVER, you have a history of making excuses why you cant do______________,too.
and end up drunk every time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Sweet, I'm going to be direct. This is another riff on victim thinking. But now you are a victim of AA/your sponsor. Its always someone or something else.
You actually choose how you feel and react....to everything. Everything. Nothing outside of you can force you to think/feel anything. Nothing outside of you can solve what is yours to solve. You can do this. Own it. And be honest with yourself.
Hang in there.
You actually choose how you feel and react....to everything. Everything. Nothing outside of you can force you to think/feel anything. Nothing outside of you can solve what is yours to solve. You can do this. Own it. And be honest with yourself.
Hang in there.
If so, how can I get myself out.
I'm not confrontational by nature but I am in a business where people will take advantage of me if I let them. And the fellowship gave me several opportunities in which I had to stand up for myself and set boundaries. I found this excellent practice although quite uncomfortable in the beginning.
It's a good idea for the OP explain to her situation to the sponsor. If the sponsor gets upset so be it.
However, playing the victim card only goes so far.
One thing I tell the newcomer is if you're looking for reasons to leave AA you will find them. Nobody is perfect in the rooms.
Change meetings or sponsors if necessary but give the program a fair shot.
Here's hoping it all works out.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Sweeti, you asked if you should put your sobriety or your health first. Are they not the same thing? What will happen to your health if you drink. I think if you put your sobriety last, you put your health last as well, and drink first.
I would be interested to know the exact committee you were asked to serve on. How were you appointed? Was there a vote?or have you just been asked to help out? I think it is quite a compliment that they believe you have something to offer.
I would be interested to know the exact committee you were asked to serve on. How were you appointed? Was there a vote?or have you just been asked to help out? I think it is quite a compliment that they believe you have something to offer.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
sweetichick writes>>>I'm not asking for medical advice just how far do you take putting sobriety first?<<<
This is a very simple question to answer, I put sobriety first, but not at the point of obsession, where I’m trying to be everything to everyone. This behavior is not being of service, it’s a mental illness, based control issues.
AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program, the 12 Steps are as written in the AA text on page 59, here’s what’s written, “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.”
I take care of myself first and foremost, for if I’m not healthy, I can’t be of service to anyone.
Many AA meetings announce that newcomers are the most important AA members, which is separatism. Everyone is equal in the AA fellowship/meetings, whether they have one hour abstinent or 40 years of sobriety. The AA fellowship / meetings has no dogma or hierarchy, and no one is obligated to answer to anyone else, including a sponsor. A sponsor’s function is to assist in the understanding of the 12 Steps, by showing others how they took the steps. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, everyone is a member when they say so. The most important person at AA meetings is sitting in my / your seat.
This is a very simple question to answer, I put sobriety first, but not at the point of obsession, where I’m trying to be everything to everyone. This behavior is not being of service, it’s a mental illness, based control issues.
AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program, the 12 Steps are as written in the AA text on page 59, here’s what’s written, “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.”
I take care of myself first and foremost, for if I’m not healthy, I can’t be of service to anyone.
Many AA meetings announce that newcomers are the most important AA members, which is separatism. Everyone is equal in the AA fellowship/meetings, whether they have one hour abstinent or 40 years of sobriety. The AA fellowship / meetings has no dogma or hierarchy, and no one is obligated to answer to anyone else, including a sponsor. A sponsor’s function is to assist in the understanding of the 12 Steps, by showing others how they took the steps. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, everyone is a member when they say so. The most important person at AA meetings is sitting in my / your seat.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I put sobriety first and I did it to the point of obsession, and still do. I am in my first year. i have to give it 100% focus.
Being too tired to attend a meeting is being too tired to attend a meeting. I am a health y and fit person, but I've had times in sobriety when I just crashed. I overdid life. I needed rest and recuperation.
I haven't done the steps, but I have been to enough AA meetings to know a few things. If your sponsor causes you undue stress, change sponsors. If your current schedule is causing health issues, work around it within AA. Have your sponsor drive you. Soak in your meetings without chairing or speaking. have regular one on one meetings with a sponsor on your own time for step work, do online meetings, just make it work.
what matters is immersing yourself into the work of sobriety. If AA is carrying that load for you right now because you can't carry it on your own, you make it work.
Wishing you momentum in figuring out how to rest and heal within your program. Honestly: I was exhausted in early sobriety but sitting in a meeting was peaceful and nurturing, not stressful.
Ask yourself honestly: what is it about this that raises your blood pressure? If it's simply the stress of accepting sobriety, then that is to be expected. Why else would AA be any more stressful than going to costco, or going to work, or making a healthy dinner...etc. Think long and hard about this if you are not able to come to acceptance of your alcoholism on your own.
Being too tired to attend a meeting is being too tired to attend a meeting. I am a health y and fit person, but I've had times in sobriety when I just crashed. I overdid life. I needed rest and recuperation.
I haven't done the steps, but I have been to enough AA meetings to know a few things. If your sponsor causes you undue stress, change sponsors. If your current schedule is causing health issues, work around it within AA. Have your sponsor drive you. Soak in your meetings without chairing or speaking. have regular one on one meetings with a sponsor on your own time for step work, do online meetings, just make it work.
what matters is immersing yourself into the work of sobriety. If AA is carrying that load for you right now because you can't carry it on your own, you make it work.
Wishing you momentum in figuring out how to rest and heal within your program. Honestly: I was exhausted in early sobriety but sitting in a meeting was peaceful and nurturing, not stressful.
Ask yourself honestly: what is it about this that raises your blood pressure? If it's simply the stress of accepting sobriety, then that is to be expected. Why else would AA be any more stressful than going to costco, or going to work, or making a healthy dinner...etc. Think long and hard about this if you are not able to come to acceptance of your alcoholism on your own.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
Stayingsassy writes>>> I put sobriety first and I did it to the point of obsession, and still do. I am in my first year. i have to give it 100% focus.<<<
Obsession is a fixation with an object, person or activity -- this is abnormal for me, because it tended to impair the capacity to love and work, it creates tunnel vision as alcohol had and was a contributing part of my relapses.
AA Text 3rd Edition, by far the most quoted personal story of Dr. Paul’s who’s story helped me realize that NO obsession works (it appears to) but in in the long run it didn’t for me. “Doctor, Alcohol, Addict”, & AA Text 4th Edition Acceptance Was the Answer (same story), Dr. Paul realized that he had his program backwards, he was obsessed with AA Meetings and he retook the 12 Steps by putting his family first and AA second.
Obsession is a fixation with an object, person or activity -- this is abnormal for me, because it tended to impair the capacity to love and work, it creates tunnel vision as alcohol had and was a contributing part of my relapses.
AA Text 3rd Edition, by far the most quoted personal story of Dr. Paul’s who’s story helped me realize that NO obsession works (it appears to) but in in the long run it didn’t for me. “Doctor, Alcohol, Addict”, & AA Text 4th Edition Acceptance Was the Answer (same story), Dr. Paul realized that he had his program backwards, he was obsessed with AA Meetings and he retook the 12 Steps by putting his family first and AA second.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sure noone wants to see you collapse sweetichick - if it's too much then you have a right to say so.
But make sure it's not that sneaky AV at work - if you're too tired to drive to meetings, you have to be too tired to go and buy some drink too, so if those thoughts come, dismiss them.
D
But make sure it's not that sneaky AV at work - if you're too tired to drive to meetings, you have to be too tired to go and buy some drink too, so if those thoughts come, dismiss them.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by tomsteve
a sponsors responsibility is to guide a sponsee through the steps.
efore you mentioned sponsor isnt starting steps until june. thats pretty screwed up. think it would be wise to find a sponsor that is going to guide ya through the steps.
service work doesnt help us recover..
its the steps we take, not the service work, that does that.
although i wouldnt suggeat stopping some service work commitments. opening meetings alone is a good thing. not sure about being on comittees- typically that should be reserved for people that have been through the steps and understa d the traditions
HOWEVER, you have a history of making excuses why you cant do______________,too.
and end up drunk every time
efore you mentioned sponsor isnt starting steps until june. thats pretty screwed up. think it would be wise to find a sponsor that is going to guide ya through the steps.
service work doesnt help us recover..
its the steps we take, not the service work, that does that.
although i wouldnt suggeat stopping some service work commitments. opening meetings alone is a good thing. not sure about being on comittees- typically that should be reserved for people that have been through the steps and understa d the traditions
HOWEVER, you have a history of making excuses why you cant do______________,too.
and end up drunk every time
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Ken33xx
The question I would ask myself is: Did I put myself in this position?
If so, how can I get myself out.
I'm not confrontational by nature but I am in a business where people will take advantage of me if I let them. And the fellowship gave me several opportunities in which I had to stand up for myself and set boundaries. I found this excellent practice although quite uncomfortable in the beginning.
It's a good idea for the OP explain to her situation to the sponsor. If the sponsor gets upset so be it.
However, playing the victim card only goes so far.
One thing I tell the newcomer is if you're looking for reasons to leave AA you will find them. Nobody is perfect in the rooms.
Change meetings or sponsors if necessary but give the program a fair shot.
Here's hoping it all works out.
If so, how can I get myself out.
I'm not confrontational by nature but I am in a business where people will take advantage of me if I let them. And the fellowship gave me several opportunities in which I had to stand up for myself and set boundaries. I found this excellent practice although quite uncomfortable in the beginning.
It's a good idea for the OP explain to her situation to the sponsor. If the sponsor gets upset so be it.
However, playing the victim card only goes so far.
One thing I tell the newcomer is if you're looking for reasons to leave AA you will find them. Nobody is perfect in the rooms.
Change meetings or sponsors if necessary but give the program a fair shot.
Here's hoping it all works out.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Sweeti, you asked if you should put your sobriety or your health first. Are they not the same thing? What will happen to your health if you drink. I think if you put your sobriety last, you put your health last as well, and drink first.
I would be interested to know the exact committee you were asked to serve on. How were you appointed? Was there a vote?or have you just been asked to help out? I think it is quite a compliment that they believe you have something to offer.
I would be interested to know the exact committee you were asked to serve on. How were you appointed? Was there a vote?or have you just been asked to help out? I think it is quite a compliment that they believe you have something to offer.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by Bullwinkle1944
sweetichick writes>>>I'm not asking for medical advice just how far do you take putting sobriety first?<<<
This is a very simple question to answer, I put sobriety first, but not at the point of obsession, where I’m trying to be everything to everyone. This behavior is not being of service, it’s a mental illness, based control issues.
AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program, the 12 Steps are as written in the AA text on page 59, here’s what’s written, “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.”
I take care of myself first and foremost, for if I’m not healthy, I can’t be of service to anyone.
Many AA meetings announce that newcomers are the most important AA members, which is separatism. Everyone is equal in the AA fellowship/meetings, whether they have one hour abstinent or 40 years of sobriety. The AA fellowship / meetings has no dogma or hierarchy, and no one is obligated to answer to anyone else, including a sponsor. A sponsor’s function is to assist in the understanding of the 12 Steps, by showing others how they took the steps. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, everyone is a member when they say so. The most important person at AA meetings is sitting in my / your seat.
This is a very simple question to answer, I put sobriety first, but not at the point of obsession, where I’m trying to be everything to everyone. This behavior is not being of service, it’s a mental illness, based control issues.
AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program, the 12 Steps are as written in the AA text on page 59, here’s what’s written, “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.”
I take care of myself first and foremost, for if I’m not healthy, I can’t be of service to anyone.
Many AA meetings announce that newcomers are the most important AA members, which is separatism. Everyone is equal in the AA fellowship/meetings, whether they have one hour abstinent or 40 years of sobriety. The AA fellowship / meetings has no dogma or hierarchy, and no one is obligated to answer to anyone else, including a sponsor. A sponsor’s function is to assist in the understanding of the 12 Steps, by showing others how they took the steps. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, everyone is a member when they say so. The most important person at AA meetings is sitting in my / your seat.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
AAWS has a great pamphlet on Sponsorship. You can read it online here:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
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