Lpg

Morning everyone
How does everyone cope spending time around people drinking?I feel torn between being sociable, spending time with loved ones and hiding away from it all as its exhausting.
I was at a family thing last night and people where rolling on pills and others drinking so I left early. today I have people coming for a BBQ and alcohol will be involved. I can see it far enough tbh but I haven't been spending time with people trying to avoid being around alcohol but I'm turning into a loner.
It's just so hard to be around and not because I want to drink if anything it just makes me feel left out. I just can't have a decent conversation with anyone. So I'm still a loner even in company.
My brother also said to me last night that he finds it bizarre I can't drink and that it devastates him that he can't have a drink with his big sister, why does everything have to be about alcohol?I have always felt like the black sheep of the family when I drank as I was the drunken idiot and now I'm still the black sheep.
On a plus note my mum said she thinks it's great I quit and was honest enough to say that my drinking freaked her out, something we haven't spoken about much so it was nice to have some encouragement.
Sorry I'm just ranting on abit, hope everyone's having a great weekend.

Healthyandsober

its going to be hard for a while stick with it till the miracle happen

Dee74

Hi Lpg

it took a little while but I got to the point I really only notice drinkers now if they;re obnoxious or very staggeringly drunk.

I was obsessed about drinking, then about not drinking, and then found a new normal - hang in there

D

FBL

When I finally quit drinking, I no longer found myself in the company of other drunks too often. As for family, I was probably the biggest drinker. Some of my family still drinks, but they are also supportive of my decision not to drink. Sounds like you need to find some non-drinking people to hang around with. Do you have any hobbies? It's a good way to meet like-minded people, many of which don't drink. Believe it or not, there are many such people in this world!

biminiblue

Yeah it does get easier. To be honest, I don't spend a lot of time at parties. An hour is long enough. If a party is all about drinking for drinking's sake, what's the point, ya know? I have lots of things I can be doing with that time.

You could make plans with those same people individually and not include alcohol. Parties are pretty much about food and drink. Even when I was a drinker I didn't really enjoy parties though. If there isn't some activity to keep me engaged, I get bored really quickly.

ScottFromWI

I would agree, it does get easier over time. I will freely admit that I really don't hang around places where people are drinking anymore either - not because I can't but because I just don't want to. I've found so many other things to do and places to go/people to associate with that the old drinking crowd just isn't something I even think about anymore. When it come to family of course you can't change that, but when I'm around family that is drinking I really don't pay too much attention. Just as I don't really care if they are eating broccoli or wearing a baseball cap - I can't control what others do so I don't let it bother me.

Stayingsassy

Oh my goodness. See my new post!!

What the hell is it about memorial day weekend? I hate this weekend.

Cosima11

I just talked to my last group of drinking friends.. who live like the drinking lifestyle is glamorized and totally normal. But one of them just got a dui. Sometimes I feel guilty and sad like I'm basically living as a recluse and no one could possibly understand my decision to quit. Then I remember those people are facing their own issues and consequences.

I also think when it comes to family if you're the black sheep for improving yourself and your life, something is wrong with that picture.. and it's probably not you. It takes courage to break out of old patterns and some people may not like the disruption in "roles" you're choosing to play or not play anymore. But in time things will balance out and you will feel more comfortable being around them, and they (hopefully) will be more accepting and understanding of your new lifestyle.

Lpg

Thanks guys, it's just horrible sometimes feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. Maybe I like being alone who knows. But in all honesty I don't really have the will to be around alcohol anymore so prob like most of you said I will stop going to these things as I have so much other more meaningful things I can do. Also I do need some sober friends to hang with, I need to start making more friends at meetings but I haven't been attending lately.

I decided to cancel my bbq yesterday. I wasn't feeling great anyway and the thought of trying to shoo drunk people home didn't excite me much so called it off and going to have it today instead and the weather's to be nicer ☺

Lpg

Lpg

Seen your post! It's Bank Holiday weekend where I am. Family eh.... Can't live with them can't live without them. And no I don't think you should have to go to a pub, some people will never understand. I tried to explain this to my brother, recently iv been worried about his drinking but if he finds it so bizarre about my situation he can't have a problem or he would know how I felt.

Yixi

Hi Lpg. I agree - it's difficult to be around people, specifically family, who get obliterated and tell you that they're "normal" drinkers and you're "abnormal" for wishing to abstain. But at the end of the day - it's their choice. As it's yours to regain your life back without alcohol. I had a friend, (notice the "had" in this), who would tell me that I was boring, inconsiderate and a bad friend for not drinking with her as I used to. Hmmm...perhaps, but I'm healthier, richer and much better company so I'm sorry love, Do one.

I'd like to say to you very well done - a huge congratulation for your choice, not commiseration. It'll take time but there'll be a day when you love your life sober and it becomes obvious to you that other peoples habits are just that, other peoples habits and not yours.

Wishing you very well - please stay in touch. Yix x

whatyouwill

I used to feel the same but then I decided that it's their problem if they have problems accepting a non-drinking person. Everybody has a choice whether to drink or not, and there's nothing wrong with yours. You're brave and srong and you should carry on with that, and if you find a company of supportive people it will be much easier

NYCDoglvr

For us alcoholics it's a life or death matter so your caution is wise.

waynetheking

There's more to life other than socialising with people who drink. Just stay the course and don't fret over this. I lost 90% of my so called friends when I quit drinking. The other sober 10 % make up for it. Trust me. There were plenty of nights when it was just me, the tv and e-bay. But that's ok. Gave me time to improve my plan on how to stay sober.
I really don't mind people who drink. I just had mostly heavy drinkers in my life. It was time for a change.
Hang in there LPG. It's going to get better. Just stay busy and the loneliness will disappear. Takes time. It's a transition. That's all it is. A transition. It's better.

lyddie

Me too! Me too! I feel the same way about Memorial Day and I don't know why. 4th of July and Labor Day are similar weekend holidays but they don't bother me. I find Memorial Day melancholy.

Stayingsassy

Thanks for commiserating. Hope you got through it ok.

I haven't had many sober summers, I think I'm just gearing up for it. Much bigger trigger for me than any other season. Memorial day sort of kicks off the summer.

Lpg

Yes and actually I'm okay with that too now, keeping away from the drinking situations. Iv been thinking about it alot over the past couple of days and decided I'm going to avoid them as much as I can. Iv been forcing myself to do it just for the matter of being sociable. The last while I haven't had too much desire for alcohol so that helps but I have even less desire to be around it. Think I'll stick to the quiet life, its less complicated for my soberity at this stage. I have my garden to keep my busy and I love being there.
Lpg

Lpg

Thank you for your words. Everyone's so fascinated by the non drinker. My choices shouldn't affect anyone else's having a good time, I sometimes feel as if people think it will ruin their night if sober people are at the party. Not to worry I don't plan on attending many more party's.
Lpg

Lpg

Haha yixi I love your response to your friends comment. Thank you yes I am loving soberity too I guess I'm just trying to figure out how it all works for me and party's are one I can scrub off the list, they don't work for me anymore. And that's fine iv spent a few days thinking about it and I'm alright with that.

Lpg

Funny enough our memorial day (remembrance weekend) was actually my last drink.