JADIII

Hi all, been a while for me for posting on here but wanted to catch up as things have gotten pretty bad for me. I started to us a tracker for my alcohol which basically tracks how many days you stay sober, etc. Long and short I was one of those guys that laughed at the "first 5 minutes" and was like, "who cant do that?". Well, I can't.

I've had some issues with my arm being weak and having problems picking up things back in 12-2016 and went months googling ALS websites until I finally got up the nerve to go get an EMG to rule that out which came back OK and ruled that out. However for some reason, I still have some "weakness" so not sure whether that's perceived (in my head) or actual but I'm told that it's not actual.

I have asked my doctor about this and they do clinical tests on me pushing /pulling, strength tests, etc. which was just done in March and he saw nothing. For some reason I just couldn't get over it and is now a daily thing for me with trying to pick up glasses/cups or other things and seeing if I can do it.

So basically what I've done is have a few drinks in the morning to ease my mind which actually "works" for some time being as I almost forget about it or don't focus on it during the day. The problem is that in the morning, it's back and the cycle continues.

I'm just curious about how the mind works or can actually make you think you have symptoms you don't as you're so focused on it. I want to stop this drinking but I also want to get over this anxiety, etc. as I have a beautiful family that I'm not being fair to.

Not sure where else to turn so open to any suggestions (I know stop drinking is the obvious thing) but just trying to figure this out and get to a new kind of life.

Thanks

ScottFromWI

Glad you brought this up JADIII, sorry to hear you are suffering. I can tell you that from my personal experience, the answer to your question above is unequivocally yes. I don't think it's possible to fully understand why, or "how your mind works" - but you can absolutely make yourself think you have something you do not. It can even go further - physical symptoms can actually be generated by thoughts and not by the actual condition you think might be causing them. \

Of course this doesn't rule out seeking medical advice if you do have physical symptoms. But the old saying "it's all in your head" is actually true sometimes. I'm a diagnosed health anxiety and GAD sufferer so I know exactly how you feel. I spend endless hours on the internet trying to diagnose myself with all kinds of things based on me being hyper sensitive to every little twitch/pain in various parts of my body. Neurological disorders ( ALS, parkinsons, early onset alzheimers), all kinds of cancer, viruses, you name it - I thought I had it at some point.

I can also tell you that drinking alcohol to help "calm" the thoughts is a recipe for disaster. I eventually got to the point where it didn't calm anyting and I literally just had to drink to keep from goign into withdrawals every day. The anxiety got worse and worse too.

The solution for me was of course first to stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant, so it throws your brain chemistry totally out of whack. And the anxiety comes back on even stronger every time you remove it.

The next step was getting some professional help for my anxiety. I started seeing a counselor who helped me learn several strategies to minimize the anxiety. I tried lots of things - meditation/mindfulness, changing my diet, getting more exercise, even a couple of different meds. In the end the combination of all the above really made a huge differnce. I no longer have nearly as many obsessive health thoughts and when I do I have tools to minimize or just let them go. Also - stay off Dr. Google! The internet is a great source of information, but it's also a trap for those of us who obsess about things.

Hope this helps.

JADIII

Thanks Scott, much appreciated. I have tried the counseling route but it wasn't cutting it for me. I went for a few months and we seemed to get going in circles. He was recommending cognitive behavioral therapy for me if he couldn't make things better but we never got to that point.

This is my first day of not drinking in a while and I feel like I'm in a zombie state. No matter what I do or think about I always go back down into a rabbit hole.

Hopefully this feeling of glaze or just feeling like I'm a piece of garbage will end soon.

Forward12

It is a vicious cycle when you have mental health issues, then try to "cure" it with alcohol, which turns into the whirlwind from hell.
I would suggest going back to therapy. That along with possible medication will help substantially

doggonecarl

From your first post to SR, back in 2011:

Today:

Alcoholism is progressive. Your drinking is progressing. And it will continue. Then the very substance you consume to "fix" your health anxiety will be the cause of all your health problems.

Time to quite figuring out how your mind works and start taking action...concrete action...to quit and stay quit.

ScottFromWI

I'd recommend trying a different counselor. I went through a couple as well until I found one that I developed a good relationship with. CBT is definitely one way to go, but it's not the only one.

One of the things that held me back was that I was initially looking for a "cure". I wanted a technique, a process, a list of things to do that would make my anxiety just go away. The thing is it doesn't work that way - it's a process. Anxiety itself is a normal and every person experiences it - so you cannot ever take away the mechanism by which your body reacts to what is perceived as danger. It's pretty much the same instinct that kept us alive back when we had to worry about fighting off others for survival - the "fight or flight" mechanism. The problem for those of us who suffer from anxiety disorders is that we over-react to things and stay at a heightened state of anxiety for much longer periods of time.

So the solution is to find a way to accept and manage our response. And it's very possible - as I said there are many different ways to go about it - CBT, meditation/mindfulness, talk therapy, exposure therapy, cutting back on sugar/caffeine, exercise, the list is long. Because we cannot change our surroundings or the situations that create our anxiety response, there's always something to worry about But we can absolutely change our actions and reactions to them.

We have a sub-forume here specific to anxiety too if you are intesrested, I spend time there myself and have met several people who helped me over the years.

Tommy0311

You da man, Scott. Everything you speak of is true. I remember you posting on some of my early posts with words of wisdom and I truly appreciate it.

JADIII, yes, I have terrible health anxiety. I've been sober for a little over six months and in that time, I've had MS, ALS, a frontal lobe condition, RA, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia ect. Fortunately for me, I have amazing healthcare, thus being able to be tested and ruled out having all of the above (the mental health stuff ruled out through many counseling sessions).

Through the mental health counseling, I was officially dx with GAD, PTSD, and a mild Panic Disorder. Here is the kicker, I had health anxiety while I was still drinking. When I was drunk I didn't really think about it, but when I work up hungover/jonesing, I would have the WORST health anxiety. It got to the point where I couldn't drive on the highway and I always thought I was on the verge of a heart attack.

That said, I was using booze as a band-aid to treat my anxiety and it wasn't working. In fact it was making everything worse. Now, that's not to say quitting drinking has helped. In fact, the last six months have been hell. The difference being, I am now starting to have good days and times of true clarity.

From what I hear, alcohol abstinence and working to accept your crazy high anxiety, will eventually allow your brain to level out. Apperently, that can take years. But you know what? I'm willing to endure this hell for years if it means there is a chance I'll be a "normal" thinking person someday.

Keep your head up and seriously take a step back and weigh the benefits vs drawbacks of alcohol use.

-Tommy

Lpg

Hey jadii

I suffer from health anxiety too it's horrible, I'm at the doctors way more than I should be, getting blood tests to make sure I don't have any weird illness going on (usually I assume cancer) . Everytime my bloodwork comes back normal there is nothing wrong with me. I do think the mind can play nasty tricks on me and I genuinely start to feel unwell. It's weird how the brain works. I have finished therapy and I covered this in some detail and the advice he gave me was first of all stop googling illness, then he advised me that obsessive thoughts peak and only last around 10 mins so when I think about googling something I should keep myself busy or practice some mindfulness. I feel for you health anxiety is torture but what I can tell you is when I quit drinking my anxieties around my health dropped dramatically, alcohol fed my anxiety even more but at the time I was drinking I thought it helped. I would say now my anxiety attacks are few and far between.
Quit the booze its worth it, over time it gets easier. You can do it.
Lpg

Auchieshuggle

Me too.

I have an obsessive personality and was diagnosed with OCD. I have worried about everything from autoimmune conditions, to heart disease and even HIV.


JADIII - do you find you Google 'symptoms' a lot? If so it sounds like it might be a compulsion.

Others in this thread are correct when they tell you that alcohol will not ease your pain in the long tun, but cause health problems. I'm worried about the consequences of my twenty-five years' drinking. I have had raised liver enzymes before, so know my liver is potentially in a bad state. Also alcohol is a carcinogen. At the end of the day we need to accept these things - think the Serenity Prayer - and not use them as an excuse to drink.

Good luck!

JADIII

Thanks all, yes I do have the tendency to google things and then take a small "symptom" to the extreme. For example, my hand/arm feel weird or weak and I go to ALS. To the point where I had an EMG/NCV last year at this time to see what was up (came back normal). I do know that quitting drinking is my best bet but then I start foolishly thinking that a couple of drinks will help alleviate the thoughts I'm having. What a way to live.

Thanks for the replies and support!

Forward12

Have you been clean/scheduled a doc's appointment to make sure all is ok?

sunshinel

I can completely relate to this. I feel like I am dying. I don't have enough money to go to the doctor but am terrified that I have ovarian, breast and lung cancer( can't stop coughing) I also have loads of other stuff going on. Maybe my physical fears are in my head. I don't know?