It also gets better.......let's discuss it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,916
This is such a beautiful inspiring thread. Stayingsassy and PhoenixJ your posts especially brought a little happy tear to my eye.
Most of my stuff is work in progress but I will say one of the things I’m most proud of is that I’m at least trying (with varying degrees of success) to ask for help and have difficult conversations rather than martyring myself. I also feel like I’m slowly peeling the onion of what is making my life feel unmanageable. It’s not booze alone but taking booze out of th equation has opened my eyes to the other real problems. Like my job.
Thank you again for this super thread!
Most of my stuff is work in progress but I will say one of the things I’m most proud of is that I’m at least trying (with varying degrees of success) to ask for help and have difficult conversations rather than martyring myself. I also feel like I’m slowly peeling the onion of what is making my life feel unmanageable. It’s not booze alone but taking booze out of th equation has opened my eyes to the other real problems. Like my job.
Thank you again for this super thread!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 74
Reading this came at a good time. I’m a type A person. Also have diagnosed OCD. I’m clean and tidy but my wife is clean and (to put it nicely) untidy. I love her but she is s challenge.
The crazy full blown shouting matches have simmered down some since I’ve stopped drinking. I’m much better able to articulate my point and actually make some headway with her. She is a Jewish woman so a strong and demonstrative personality comes with the package.
During the drinking days the fights would just turn into me ripping into her and then the focus would fall on how I was drunk and a jerk. I’m realizing that with OCD, my wife, a 13month old and a stressful job I need all available mental cycles. Drinking interferes too much. Running and twice a month therapy on the other hand is what I need.
The crazy full blown shouting matches have simmered down some since I’ve stopped drinking. I’m much better able to articulate my point and actually make some headway with her. She is a Jewish woman so a strong and demonstrative personality comes with the package.
During the drinking days the fights would just turn into me ripping into her and then the focus would fall on how I was drunk and a jerk. I’m realizing that with OCD, my wife, a 13month old and a stressful job I need all available mental cycles. Drinking interferes too much. Running and twice a month therapy on the other hand is what I need.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I love the common theme emerging in this thread: family, love, peacefulness in our work and our connection to others, and connection to nature.
In sobriety what comes forth as truth is so much more than material possessions or successes.
It's a bit like we have all had a near death experience and the meaning of life starts to peek through, after all the pain and chaos of end stage drinking and early sobriety.
It's the gift of recovering from alcoholism, I think we begin to see the world with new eyes and what we see is quite beautiful.
In sobriety what comes forth as truth is so much more than material possessions or successes.
It's a bit like we have all had a near death experience and the meaning of life starts to peek through, after all the pain and chaos of end stage drinking and early sobriety.
It's the gift of recovering from alcoholism, I think we begin to see the world with new eyes and what we see is quite beautiful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by iew101 
Reading this came at a good time. I’m a type A person. Also have diagnosed OCD. I’m clean and tidy but my wife is clean and (to put it nicely) untidy. I love her but she is s challenge.
The crazy full blown shouting matches have simmered down some since I’ve stopped drinking. I’m much better able to articulate my point and actually make some headway with her. She is a Jewish woman so a strong and demonstrative personality comes with the package.
During the drinking days the fights would just turn into me ripping into her and then the focus would fall on how I was drunk and a jerk. I’m realizing that with OCD, my wife, a 13month old and a stressful job I need all available mental cycles. Drinking interferes too much. Running and twice a month therapy on the other hand is what I need.
The crazy full blown shouting matches have simmered down some since I’ve stopped drinking. I’m much better able to articulate my point and actually make some headway with her. She is a Jewish woman so a strong and demonstrative personality comes with the package.
During the drinking days the fights would just turn into me ripping into her and then the focus would fall on how I was drunk and a jerk. I’m realizing that with OCD, my wife, a 13month old and a stressful job I need all available mental cycles. Drinking interferes too much. Running and twice a month therapy on the other hand is what I need.
It GETS BETTER!!! I had to chuckle because my wife is also Jewish and comes from a VERY strong family with a long history of "I'm always right" lineage.
I also have OCD and while my wife is wicked smart, beautiful and funny, she is a slob with a capital S. She leaves crap EVERYWHERE.
Especially after I clean....I just stand back and marvel at the speed in which she can turn a beautiful house into a lair of slop in less than 2 or 3 hours.
Even when I was drinking, I always made sure the house was clean. Have to...you know that's a BIG part of my OCD is order and place.
So we'd have CRAZY screaming matches over her messing up the house when her friends came over or just banging around the house after she got home.
Now, I just shake my head and try to stay a few steps behind her. I can laugh about it now because I know most of it is me. It's just something I had to learn to accept. That took a lot of time, but instead of getting into those screaming matches, it turns almost comical.
For example...If she's feeling especially saucy, she'll get home from work and walk into the family room, drop her bag in the middle of the floor and just see what my expression is gonna be. The shoes come off next, and get tossed near the fireplace and then she'll go to hang up her coat and intentionally miss the hook and it'll drop straight to the floor.
Deep breath......that's the first minute.....this can go on for a good 20 minutes or so.
We fought a lot because she expected more out of me and I always kept her at arms length. One of the biggest blessings to come out of my sobriety has been getting to know her all over again and she told me on my 2 year anniversary that she fell in love with me again.
I've got a princess on my hands most days, but when she says s#it like that...man...it just makes all of the frustrating days so worth every minute.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I love the common theme emerging in this thread: family, love, peacefulness in our work and our connection to others, and connection to nature.
In sobriety what comes forth as truth is so much more than material possessions or successes.
It's a bit like we have all had a near death experience and the meaning of life starts to peek through, after all the pain and chaos of end stage drinking and early sobriety.
It's the gift of recovering from alcoholism, I think we begin to see the world with new eyes and what we see is quite beautiful.
In sobriety what comes forth as truth is so much more than material possessions or successes.
It's a bit like we have all had a near death experience and the meaning of life starts to peek through, after all the pain and chaos of end stage drinking and early sobriety.
It's the gift of recovering from alcoholism, I think we begin to see the world with new eyes and what we see is quite beautiful.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
If someone would've told me 2 years ago I was gonna stop drinking completely and actually enjoy being sober... I literally would not have believed them. So that in itself is pretty amazing and I try to keep that in perspective during times I still feel frustrated.
Ultimately it's the little things that make up the difference but also just knowing that whatever plans I choose to follow through with now will actually be built on solid ground rather than just dissolving into quicksand beneath my feet. Which gives me hope.. which is something I really hadn't had for a long time.
Ultimately it's the little things that make up the difference but also just knowing that whatever plans I choose to follow through with now will actually be built on solid ground rather than just dissolving into quicksand beneath my feet. Which gives me hope.. which is something I really hadn't had for a long time.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by wynwrights
I’ve finally started saying no: it’s a huge deal for me. Feels good. One step at a time...
formerly luvSOBERlife
Join Date: May 2018
Location: East Tennessee USA
Posts: 116
I think I always knew that I would have to live completely clean and sober one day. I actually envisioned it a few times and thought, at the very least, it would bring me great pride to live the clean life. Now I just wish I hadn't waited so long to do it.
I'm only 11 days in but it's 11 days of my new life where drinking alcohol or doing drugs is absolutely not an option anymore. There is no gray area there. Complete and total sobriety or nothing. I do have some of that pride now and I'm also earning some self respect back. That makes everything better.
I'm only 11 days in but it's 11 days of my new life where drinking alcohol or doing drugs is absolutely not an option anymore. There is no gray area there. Complete and total sobriety or nothing. I do have some of that pride now and I'm also earning some self respect back. That makes everything better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
I am so much more patient with my children.
My headaches have finally gone away--I don't remember the last time I had one of those dull, day-long aches.
I sleep through the night.
My bladder seems to have fixed itself; I don't have the ups and downs (sudden desperation to pee, then terrible dry spells) or 4-5 restroom visits throughout the night.
I don't think about alcohol the first moment I wake up.
I have no guilt.
The whites of my eyes are white.
My skin looks normal.
I am proud of myself.
I go out at night and don't feel anxious about hurrying home to drink.
I can drive anywhere, anytime.
My sinuses have cleared; I don't have disgusting, loud snot blowouts anymore.
I remember conversations.
I don't have terrible dreams.
My hands don't tingle and shake.
My husband and I rarely fight. We discuss now.
It's not perfect. Life's still hard and really crappy sometimes. But I can deal with it because I'm sober, I have faith in myself, and I'm not walking around wishing I were dead.
So, yeah: Better... lots and lots and lots better.
Thanks for a great thread!
My headaches have finally gone away--I don't remember the last time I had one of those dull, day-long aches.
I sleep through the night.
My bladder seems to have fixed itself; I don't have the ups and downs (sudden desperation to pee, then terrible dry spells) or 4-5 restroom visits throughout the night.
I don't think about alcohol the first moment I wake up.
I have no guilt.
The whites of my eyes are white.
My skin looks normal.
I am proud of myself.
I go out at night and don't feel anxious about hurrying home to drink.
I can drive anywhere, anytime.
My sinuses have cleared; I don't have disgusting, loud snot blowouts anymore.
I remember conversations.
I don't have terrible dreams.
My hands don't tingle and shake.
My husband and I rarely fight. We discuss now.
It's not perfect. Life's still hard and really crappy sometimes. But I can deal with it because I'm sober, I have faith in myself, and I'm not walking around wishing I were dead.
So, yeah: Better... lots and lots and lots better.
Thanks for a great thread!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Emotional maturity. I can see a situation as it is, vs through the glasses of my frail ego. I know that everything isn't about me. I know how to detach with love as opposed to being all enmeshed with other people. I own my own shlit and let people own theirs. I recognize my feelings aren't always fact and that they are just feelings, they pass.
Last edited by Stellar45; 05-29-2018 at 11:42 AM. Reason: Incorrect spelling
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