Originally Posted by Sohard

No! Don’t feel dumb! Would you feel dumb if you relapsed from cancer? Any other illness?? Addiction is REAL. Very real. Don’t allow yourself to feel dumb and don’t beat yourself up. Having an addiction to alcohol has beaten you up enough. Now you just have to treat yourself kindly. I mean it. After everything, you deserve it.

Originally Posted by Mtphc

Thank you Sohard that's true I shouldn't have this pessimistic view on things after all I've been through. I mean really I've been through enough, I have to start anew

Originally Posted by Sohard

Yes! You’ve been through enough. And now you get the wonderful opportunity to start life fresh now. Not everyone gets that chance. And, as you know from experience, it will get easier. You’re doing great!

Originally Posted by Grungehead

Here's what AA's founder Bill Wilson thought about resentments:

"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick."

Alcoholics Anonymous 1st Edition p. 64

I found this to be true for me. I had some "impressive" stretches of sobriety but eventually I would return to the insanity of that first drink, and once that happened there was no telling how long I would continue drinking (the last time was for 8 years). Out of desperation I finally worked the steps (my "plan") which deals with resentments by putting them down on paper, analyzing them and then making things right with those involved. It changed everything!

So even for people who don't/won't do AA, I would suggest finding some method for honestly dealing with resentments. It was a HUGE burden lifted off of me when I was able to let go of resentments and clear away the wreckage of the past.

Originally Posted by Mtphc

Yeah it's bad, I'm pretty paranoid about this now. What if someone in my department looks at my chart(HIPPA violation), just to Snoop, that's my fear, even my boss, who knows.

Originally Posted by Stayingsassy

Well, if your boss knows already and hasn't initiated anything, I wouldn't worry. I know it's embarrassing but what your co-workers think doesn't matter especially if your boss already knows.

Your chart is confidential as you know. Its an immediate firing in our company with any intentional hipaa violation. If they are snooping that's pretty low and illegal to boot.

Job protection in the immediate sense matters more than your overall reputation, which can be repaired if it needs to be. I know mine needed to be!

Originally Posted by ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that Mtphc, glad you are back though. A couple of thoughts:

If you "thought it would be ok to have a drink", I'd suggest that perhaps you were either not following your sobriety plan, or perhaps you did not have one? What do you think you might change moving forward?

Secondly, this is not the first time you've had a horrific binge - do you honestly think you needed yet another to prove it to yourself that you cannot drink? I would suggest you already knew that the last time prior to your 8 months sober.

Both of those thoughts tie very closely back to the concept of acceptance. For me, nothing worked until I accepted unconditionally that drinking even 1 sip of alcohol is never, and will never, be an option for me.