I'm so disappointed in myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Any advice??!!
What is WRONG with me?!? I have not drank, but I would LOVE to right now. And I thought I was SO steady and good-to-go this morning. It's been 8 days. Super excited about that. But now the thoughts start creeping in...Look what you just did....8 whole days...you can obviously drink just once a week...just once a week, no more than that!
I KNOW what everyone is thinking, and I've heard the advice before. And this is that I will continue to struggle until I accept that I can never drink again. But I thought I DID do that. I HAD accepted it. But that acceptance seems to soften with time. How do I keep it hardened?! And, I AM working a plan. I keep hearing "work a plan". I'm reading SR, I'm journaling, I'm working out, I'm playing the tape forward, I'm seeing a psychiatrist,, etc. Basically, I'm doing EVERYTHING but AA. And I'm sorry, but I just don't think that's for me. I really don't. But I don't think that means I'm therefore plan-less either. Anyway, I just get so nervous when I feel this way! I don't WANT to drink...and yet I do!
I KNOW what everyone is thinking, and I've heard the advice before. And this is that I will continue to struggle until I accept that I can never drink again. But I thought I DID do that. I HAD accepted it. But that acceptance seems to soften with time. How do I keep it hardened?! And, I AM working a plan. I keep hearing "work a plan". I'm reading SR, I'm journaling, I'm working out, I'm playing the tape forward, I'm seeing a psychiatrist,, etc. Basically, I'm doing EVERYTHING but AA. And I'm sorry, but I just don't think that's for me. I really don't. But I don't think that means I'm therefore plan-less either. Anyway, I just get so nervous when I feel this way! I don't WANT to drink...and yet I do!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
Acceptance does not mean that you will not struggle. You have to resist just do something else and no matter what don't leave your house until the urge pass. do some of that urge surfing people talk about all the time.
look forward to tomorrow day 9. i hope someone else comes along and give you better advice. keep being strong.
look forward to tomorrow day 9. i hope someone else comes along and give you better advice. keep being strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Healthyandsober 
Acceptance does not mean that you will not struggle. You have to resist just do something else and no matter what don't leave your house until the urge pass. do some of that urge surfing people talk about all the time.
look forward to tomorrow day 9. i hope someone else comes along and give you better advice. keep being strong.
look forward to tomorrow day 9. i hope someone else comes along and give you better advice. keep being strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Sohard
Thank you. I’m googling “urge surfing” right now. I appreciate you pointing me in a direction!
The second post has a link to Urge Surfing.
Hang on. It's just a thought. Thoughts don't have wallets, hands, or a mouth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Thank you both for the urge surfing reading recommendation. I’ve read up a ton.
I’m on day 9. How am I feeling?
Scared. Very scared.
I just don’t feel the same way I felt after a few months in to sobriety in my earlier quit. I just can’t believe I took that feeling for granted. I was still very shaky, but not like now. I’m just so worried this won’t work. And that really scares me. I’m
SO WORRIED about it. Particularly since the last time I drank, I went right back to drinking as much as I had prior to quitting, so I practically overdosed on alcohol. It was horrible. To say I was hung over is to put it lightly. I have never felt that way before. I’m grayeful I didn’t end up hospitalized. I probably should have been.
It’s strange. When you are first quitting, you have the memory of nightly drinking and perhaps day drinking right and fresh in your mind. You are so excited to get the hell out of that trap. Now, I just have the memory of my awful seven days off the wagon. It’s certainly a bad memory, but it’s not as bad as the 20 year memory I was dealing with on my first quit. That helped me to stay sober. Seven days doesn’t help us much. I don’t know if any of this is making any sense. It does in my head. Anyway, day nine.
I’m on day 9. How am I feeling?
Scared. Very scared.
I just don’t feel the same way I felt after a few months in to sobriety in my earlier quit. I just can’t believe I took that feeling for granted. I was still very shaky, but not like now. I’m just so worried this won’t work. And that really scares me. I’m
SO WORRIED about it. Particularly since the last time I drank, I went right back to drinking as much as I had prior to quitting, so I practically overdosed on alcohol. It was horrible. To say I was hung over is to put it lightly. I have never felt that way before. I’m grayeful I didn’t end up hospitalized. I probably should have been.
It’s strange. When you are first quitting, you have the memory of nightly drinking and perhaps day drinking right and fresh in your mind. You are so excited to get the hell out of that trap. Now, I just have the memory of my awful seven days off the wagon. It’s certainly a bad memory, but it’s not as bad as the 20 year memory I was dealing with on my first quit. That helped me to stay sober. Seven days doesn’t help us much. I don’t know if any of this is making any sense. It does in my head. Anyway, day nine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by fini
well, i think how this all can be helpful to you is to see that relying on memory, feelings or thoughts to carry you through is insufficient.
that is something worth knowing.
that is something worth knowing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
For me, there was a huge difference between "knowing" I could not drink again and emotionally accepting it, with an emphasis on EMOTIONALLY.
I still have moments when I think, just one, its []. But then my acceptance kicks in.
For many of us, over time we forget that we are diffferent.
How we got here, differs. But we are here. And we each accept that we cannot drink ever.
That is the main reason I still come here so regulalry, to be sure I remember.
I accept that if I drink, I will become what I was. Because that is what I am when I drink. That is how I react to alcohol. The only thing that has changed is that I don't drink, which has made all the difference. But one drink, and the gig is up. For all of us. That is what bonds us.
you got this.
I still have moments when I think, just one, its []. But then my acceptance kicks in.
For many of us, over time we forget that we are diffferent.
How we got here, differs. But we are here. And we each accept that we cannot drink ever.
That is the main reason I still come here so regulalry, to be sure I remember.
I accept that if I drink, I will become what I was. Because that is what I am when I drink. That is how I react to alcohol. The only thing that has changed is that I don't drink, which has made all the difference. But one drink, and the gig is up. For all of us. That is what bonds us.
you got this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Dropsie
For me, there was a huge difference between "knowing" I could not drink again and emotionally accepting it, with an emphasis on EMOTIONALLY.
I still have moments when I think, just one, its []. But then my acceptance kicks in.
For many of us, over time we forget that we are diffferent.
How we got here, differs. But we are here. And we each accept that we cannot drink ever.
That is the main reason I still come here so regulalry, to be sure I remember.
I accept that if I drink, I will become what I was. Because that is what I am when I drink. That is how I react to alcohol. The only thing that has changed is that I don't drink, which has made all the difference. But one drink, and the gig is up. For all of us. That is what bonds us.
you got this.
I still have moments when I think, just one, its []. But then my acceptance kicks in.
For many of us, over time we forget that we are diffferent.
How we got here, differs. But we are here. And we each accept that we cannot drink ever.
That is the main reason I still come here so regulalry, to be sure I remember.
I accept that if I drink, I will become what I was. Because that is what I am when I drink. That is how I react to alcohol. The only thing that has changed is that I don't drink, which has made all the difference. But one drink, and the gig is up. For all of us. That is what bonds us.
you got this.
Day 10!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Emotional acceptance , imo, is the difference between can't and don't.
For me, my AV would use the idea "that I can't" and that idea's intrinsic falsehood to keep the door permanently wedged open , even just a crack. The associated falsehood inherent in "can't" is obviously "Can", I am adult person , if I want cookies for dinner, guess what? And I Can damn-well drink if I put my mind to it.
When I used the 'can't' perspective in the past and then did anyway, the AV flipped it and badgered me with the 'fact' that I can't ( wasn't able to ) can't. Twisted logic , yeah, but I fell for it
When I adopted the 'don't' perspective , it undercut ( made easily dismissable) the AV counter argument about not being 'able' to can't, which was false anyway , cuz I damn-well could but I don't, IT can't , I can, I just don't
The fact that IT can't because I Don't , causes IT endless frustration , me not so much
For me, my AV would use the idea "that I can't" and that idea's intrinsic falsehood to keep the door permanently wedged open , even just a crack. The associated falsehood inherent in "can't" is obviously "Can", I am adult person , if I want cookies for dinner, guess what? And I Can damn-well drink if I put my mind to it.
When I used the 'can't' perspective in the past and then did anyway, the AV flipped it and badgered me with the 'fact' that I can't ( wasn't able to ) can't. Twisted logic , yeah, but I fell for it
When I adopted the 'don't' perspective , it undercut ( made easily dismissable) the AV counter argument about not being 'able' to can't, which was false anyway , cuz I damn-well could but I don't, IT can't , I can, I just don't
The fact that IT can't because I Don't , causes IT endless frustration , me not so much
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by dwtbd
Emotional acceptance , imo, is the difference between can't and don't.
For me, my AV would use the idea "that I can't" and that idea's intrinsic falsehood to keep the door permanently wedged open , even just a crack. The associated falsehood inherent in "can't" is obviously "Can", I am adult person , if I want cookies for dinner, guess what? And I Can damn-well drink if I put my mind to it.
When I used the 'can't' perspective in the past and then did anyway, the AV flipped it and badgered me with the 'fact' that I can't ( wasn't able to ) can't. Twisted logic , yeah, but I fell for it
When I adopted the 'don't' perspective , it undercut ( made easily dismissable) the AV counter argument about not being 'able' to can't, which was false anyway , cuz I damn-well could but I don't, IT can't , I can, I just don't
The fact that IT can't because I Don't , causes IT endless frustration , me not so much
For me, my AV would use the idea "that I can't" and that idea's intrinsic falsehood to keep the door permanently wedged open , even just a crack. The associated falsehood inherent in "can't" is obviously "Can", I am adult person , if I want cookies for dinner, guess what? And I Can damn-well drink if I put my mind to it.
When I used the 'can't' perspective in the past and then did anyway, the AV flipped it and badgered me with the 'fact' that I can't ( wasn't able to ) can't. Twisted logic , yeah, but I fell for it
When I adopted the 'don't' perspective , it undercut ( made easily dismissable) the AV counter argument about not being 'able' to can't, which was false anyway , cuz I damn-well could but I don't, IT can't , I can, I just don't
The fact that IT can't because I Don't , causes IT endless frustration , me not so much
Used to post about being afraid I would drink again a lot on the old website I frequented.
I'm sorry I can't tell you how to get to the knowing. Maybe someone else can chime in about that.
Great job on day 10!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Such a good couple of paragraphs, dwtbd. Twisted logic, untwisted.
Thank you both!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: N/A
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
It is terribly hard to understand. Cunning, baffling and powerful.
I still don't understand why I can't drink. I just know I can't.
There's no easy answer for you. The only answer is to try again.
simple but not easy. Hope you make it back.
I still don't understand why I can't drink. I just know I can't.
There's no easy answer for you. The only answer is to try again.
simple but not easy. Hope you make it back.
The first time I've read something that really resonated with me is when reading Stephen King's "On Writing". I grabbed this from the internet so it may be sort of accurate but the message is the same. "King says it's been almost twelve years since I took a drink, and I'm still struck by disbelief when I see someone with a half-finished glass of wine near at hand. I want to get up, go over, and yell 'Finish that! Why don't you finish that?' into his or her face. I found the idea of social drinking ludicrous - if you didn't want to get drunk, why not have a Coke?"
To me, the only reason to drink is to get drunk. I always prefer a diet coke for drinking. If I touch alcohol, I will continue until I can't continue. I consider it like medicine or anesthesia. You can't control how your body reacts to medicine or anesthesia, and the same thing for alcohol and the resulting effects.
It's easy for me to not pick up a drink, but it's almost impossible for me to put one down once I've started.
I like this place.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Sohard
Agree. Thank you both. DWTDB, you always help me to unknot the twisted up knot in my brain. I love the idea of "don't" not "can't". I feel like (at least for this moment!) you just took a lot of the battle away. I have to read and re-read all the advice I've gotten so I don't forget any off this!
Thank you both!
Thank you both!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by KavaKava
This line is good. "I still don't understand why I can't drink. I just know I can't."
The first time I've read something that really resonated with me is when reading Stephen King's "On Writing". I grabbed this from the internet so it may be sort of accurate but the message is the same. "King says it's been almost twelve years since I took a drink, and I'm still struck by disbelief when I see someone with a half-finished glass of wine near at hand. I want to get up, go over, and yell 'Finish that! Why don't you finish that?' into his or her face. I found the idea of social drinking ludicrous - if you didn't want to get drunk, why not have a Coke?"
To me, the only reason to drink is to get drunk. I always prefer a diet coke for drinking. If I touch alcohol, I will continue until I can't continue. I consider it like medicine or anesthesia. You can't control how your body reacts to medicine or anesthesia, and the same thing for alcohol and the resulting effects.
It's easy for me to not pick up a drink, but it's almost impossible for me to put one down once I've started.
I like this place.
The first time I've read something that really resonated with me is when reading Stephen King's "On Writing". I grabbed this from the internet so it may be sort of accurate but the message is the same. "King says it's been almost twelve years since I took a drink, and I'm still struck by disbelief when I see someone with a half-finished glass of wine near at hand. I want to get up, go over, and yell 'Finish that! Why don't you finish that?' into his or her face. I found the idea of social drinking ludicrous - if you didn't want to get drunk, why not have a Coke?"
To me, the only reason to drink is to get drunk. I always prefer a diet coke for drinking. If I touch alcohol, I will continue until I can't continue. I consider it like medicine or anesthesia. You can't control how your body reacts to medicine or anesthesia, and the same thing for alcohol and the resulting effects.
It's easy for me to not pick up a drink, but it's almost impossible for me to put one down once I've started.
I like this place.
Sohard, come on back. sober or not. This thing is definitely tough to do. Hope you're ok.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by BullDog777
where are you Sohard?? Your profile said you were on last night but no update. That's ominous ....please check in...even if you slipped, we all still want to see you succeed!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
