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Changes are a coming

Old 03-02-2018, 10:37 AM
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Changes are a coming

Going thru lots of life changes right now, all at once (friend's sudden death in a car accident last week, job restructure and layoffs of close friends this week, separating from my husband after 20 years, NC divorce law sucks, etc). AND I have a mental illness, making life a bit precarious at the moment.

My situation with my husband (very long, boring story) has encouraged me to cope by drinking copious amounts of alcohol daily, for over ten years. Finally, I'm getting out. Kids are grown and gone. I've been planning and saving for eight of those years, just hanging out, waiting, I guess, for the right trigger. Three more weeks and I'm outta here. My reason for this ridiculous, unhealthy habit of passing out with alcohol every night will be out of my life. So...now, what do I do? I went to a 28 day rehab in 2010, it was 12 step and I hated it. I do NOT want to do THAT again!!!!!! Started drinking again the same week I got out, by the way...not effective at all! I am committed to begin a new life in 3 weeks, just want to get it going right. My budget will be tight on my own, rent is expensive! Will help to be able to spend that alcohol $$$$ on other things as well. Any guidance? I have to admit...I really LOVE alcohol. Can't get over that part.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:04 AM
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I'm gonna be 7 years sober in june and I too REALLY love alcohol... on the surface but then when i play the tape i know it just never ends well. At this point for me not being able to afford it is one of hte many good deterants i have to NOT drink. But at your phase in the game I bet i'd still try to afford it.

With what your saying tho. your trying to start a new and clean out some nonsense form your life. booze being part of it. your trying to get rid of problems. Money is gonna be tight. Why add more problems by drinking? Why make your financial situation worse by drinking?

we humans love a lot of stuff thats bad for us lol. not much we can do gotta just shrug it off. What if you where so allergic to alcohol it might kill you yet you still loved the stuff? What if that statement is true? You might shrug your shoulders and go gee well this sucks oh well guess i cant drink and move on.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:35 AM
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It sounds like you have planned and worked toward this goal of living on your own for many years. Why mess it up by putting alcohol into the mx? Use your funds to do fix up your new home, treat yourself to a meal out or a movie or doing something fun.

Have you read 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp?
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:04 PM
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I went to a 28 day rehab in 2010, it was 12 step and I hated it. I do NOT want to do THAT again!!!!!! Started drinking again the same week I got out, by the way...not effective at all!

how wasnt it effective? didnt rehab teach ya that theres tools to use after rehab? did you use the tools?

do you love alcohol or the effect?
Can't get over that part.
only if you chose you cant. MANY people here have goten over their love for alcohol.
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Old 03-02-2018, 04:33 PM
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hi benzenering

i'm really sorry for your loss.

i think as long as you swallow the line that your addiction is feeding you - that you love alcohol - you're going to put everything you're working towards at risk.

You've been on this board nearly as long as I have.

my advice is to try and push past that rosy glow of alcohol and fun times...and remember the reality - the fights, the feeling ill, the shame and regret, the fear...

there's this thing called euphoric recall - well worth a read.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ic-recall.html (Be AWARE of euphoric recall!)

your new life sounds exciting - why risk screwing all that up with alcohol?
D
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Old 03-02-2018, 06:14 PM
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"Ridiculous unhealthy habit of passing out, I LOVE alcohol."

Do you love alcohol? I hate it. I began my sobriety by hating it. It took so much from me and gave nothing back. I broke up with it physically and emotionally. I left it for good.

In my opinion: using your bad marriage as an excuse for your alcoholism will not help.

Recognizing that you are alcoholic, and what that truly means for you and your family, might give you a fighting chance. It is death and destruction for people who can't drink it normally.

Never seen anyone make it who uses life circumstances as a reason for their alcoholism, because chances are, its just alcoholism.

Try to separate out life from the alcohol. Life will go on and it will be good and bad. The alcohol is its own issue all by itself and I believe, needs to be dealt with as its own problem. Otherwise, we will always find a life reason to continue drinking because yes, life actually is often that challenging.

Best wishes for your sobriety.
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Old 03-02-2018, 06:39 PM
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You have to divorce alcohol as well. Your ex will go away and eventually leave you alone. The alcoholism will hang around and kill you. That love affair is deadly.
Read what stayingsassy said over and over again. She makes a good point.
One other thing. If you quit drinking now maybe you can salvage the marriage. Just a thought.
Hang in there and don't drink. That's the only way you can see clearly on things.
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Old 03-03-2018, 05:12 AM
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Yes, I'm really excited to turn the page and start over. Good things, though tough changes, too look forward to.

I'm a high functioner, for sure...I haven't had too many problems, really, with it, which makes things worse. I've never had a hangover, btw...and, I drink at home, not socially. The main negative has really been the shame. And I bow out of family events because I'll be too drunk to participate, can't drive, or I'll be passes out upstairs in bed while everyone else (my kids, my granddaughter) is/are having fun out and about or even just downstairs in the house.

I'll check into the book, Anna...do you think it will help in my situation?

Marriage is not salvageable, waynetheking. For either party.

I read the article twice for euphoric recall, Dee74. I was in therapy for about a year (quit in November) and it was this revolving door:
Therapist: Quit drinking!
Me: Nope
Same thing every week. Figured I was wasting my money if I wasn't willing to change this part. I'm starting to feel a little hope in this regard, though, as I lean toward beginning a new life.

Thank you, Stayingsassy...I probably needed that.
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Old 03-03-2018, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by benzenering View Post

I'm a high functioner, for sure...I haven't had too many problems, really, with it, which makes things worse.
this isnt very high functioning:

unhealthy habit of passing out with alcohol every night
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Old 03-03-2018, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
this isnt very high functioning:

unhealthy habit of passing out with alcohol every night
Well, I'd be asleep then, anyway, just progressing it a little.
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Old 03-03-2018, 10:48 AM
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Have you studied alcoholism? Do you know it is progressive, that "high functioning" is simply a stage? It doesn't sound like you've lost enough yet.
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Old 03-03-2018, 10:56 AM
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Sounds like you aren't done with it yet. I think the best you can do is try to see it for what it really is. How can you love something that has limited your life in so many ways? Do you realize the near limitless possibility of your own life, and that something you say you love has blocked you from all of it?

Your romanticism of the alcohol in your posts actually make it seem like you love the alcohol more than your own family.

Sounds harsh. So ill admit to the same thing. I loved alcohol more, too. Because even when I knew it was taking me away from the ones I loved I still chose it over them. I also chose it over my own needs and my own soul.

Your body and mind want good nutrition, friends, interaction with your loved ones, exercise and fitness, time spent in nature, and creative pursuits; music, gardening, art. Your soul wants to express itself. Yet you say you love the one thing that makes none of it possible.

And you say its your husband that's the problem....marriage is a two way street.

My marriage was on the brink when I quit,too, lots of ours were and are on the brink. But I'd say the marriage problem is not number one on your priority problem list. In fact, it's completely irrelevant when you are addicted to something that is ruining your life.

When I quit, I made one statement to myself: My marriage my be over, or it may not be, but I don't care anymore, because I am going to give quitting drinking 100% of my attention because I want it gone that badly, I want my dignity and my peace back that much. And you know what? It took that kind of attention.

Sometimes I ignored everything to just rest because I could do nothing except not drink. That's how important It was. I felt so off that I had to baby myself like an infant for months. Keeping sobriety front and center took everything i had. My addiction had fully taken over. I had to do a marathon exorcism.

It was completely worth it.

But if you don't want to do it, or you continue to love something that despises you that much, you simply won't make it.

Try to listen to the whispers in your soul, the ones that are trying to redirect you.
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:59 PM
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Iím trying. The verbal and emotional abuse I get from him is too much for me. Iíve had one suicide attempt in 2010. Iím trying to avoid those drastic consequences again. It is hard for me to cope under these circumstances... there is no other buffer.
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Old 03-03-2018, 01:32 PM
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I’m trying. The verbal and emotional abuse I get from him is too much for me. I’ve had one suicide attempt in 2010. I’m trying to avoid those drastic consequences again. It is hard for me to cope under these circumstances... there is no other buffer.
We all initially think drinking is an alternative to stress, that we drink because of something external. But what becomes glaringly clear is alcohol isn't the solution, it's the problem and has been all along. But looking for tips to cut back doesn't work either, not if you're an alcoholic because they disease keeps progressing and life just gets worse and worse.

As an alcoholic I can not drink today. But when I pick up the drink I have no control over the amount or what happens.
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Old 03-03-2018, 04:02 PM
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Drinking was my way of trying to make the intolerable tolerable.

Its much better and healthier to either fix or remove the things making your life intolerable, like you're trying to do here.

If you find you still have a problematic use of alcohol after that move, it might might be worth exploring the notion that this problem goes a little deeper than you might think.

D
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Old 03-03-2018, 11:23 PM
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I'am sorry benzenering but your posts sound to me like a "TrainWreck" waiting to happen.
Please reconsider your position on this.

Best to you

DD
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Old 03-04-2018, 01:51 AM
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Why does it sound like a train wreck? Now Iím confused. Please clarify this statement, thanks.
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Old 03-04-2018, 01:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Drinking was my way of trying to make the intolerable tolerable.

Its much better and healthier to either fix or remove the things making your life intolerable, like you're trying to do here.

If you find you still have a problematic use of alcohol after that move, it might might be worth exploring the notion that this problem goes a little deeper than you might think.

D
Yes that is what Iím moving forward for, D. After 10 years using alcohol to cope with a bad marriage, I imagine it will be a difficult habit to break. I think I will need help.
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Old 03-04-2018, 02:19 AM
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Benzenering, I bet your life will be greatly improved once you quit drinking. All the best to you. Great name btw!
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Old 03-04-2018, 06:19 AM
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Quitting two things at once, a relationship and alcohol, will be difficult, especially with my mental health. I've been stable for awhile, but tomorrow, who knows? Anyway, back to the original question...how do I go about getting the help that I need?
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