corriec

Willrandy; Sohard; MMBob, and a hundred others..It stops here. If we really want it to. After almost four months- with the "slips in between", my wife came back. And within a week, the jealousy and ugliness started up again. God, it hurts to think to think that someone you really care about, really just doesn't want you to be you - to be how great you CAN be...
So now I'm back to where I've been a hundred times before: drinking my life away...
And all I can say, is, help...

ardy

oh kiddo... you have all of us.. and so much more....maybe its time to look the Man in the Mirror and find the chance to change... time to let her go and be the best of you.. find the Man that was the child and open your heart to a better life of good things and less drama...

its so hard.. for there has been so many times I was curled up in a corner that my hubby could not find me in and cried myself to sleep.. I stuck it out and kept looking for the man I feel in love with in 1992 and watched get sicker and sicker... at one point in Florida in a Hospital as they took him in for emergency surgery.. nurse said you have a minute before we have to put him out.. I took the dummy by the collar and said you die and leave me here and I will find you and kick your ass... kissed him.. he was laughing as they put him out. and took him away........... RN looked at me and said you can't tell him that what if this is the last time you can tell him you love him.... Babe I replied he knows that in his heart and in his mind he knows I will find him and kick his ass too... ..... can I tell you a dark secret .... there are times in the last 15 years I have beat myself up big time.. I should have let him die in Florida.. he always wanted to be there and not in the cold north... I beat myself up plenty on that... now we have a better med is is helping his mind.. the body is trying to find a balance in his life and with that a balance in ours.. but I have worked cried and dug for every inch of information on his problem and the drinking and drugs he did and the morphine the Doctor feed him for 8 years..... is it better a little once in awhile.. kind of .. whatever better is for a drunk and a morphine addict.... you have to be able to look in the mirror and say that out loud and look at that Man and hear him reply... the Man in the Mirror if your going to make a change and make the world better you have to start with that man and work out from there..

Love a Mom Prayers a Lady Clown... tears a Wife... and a hand that reaches from so far away to have you hold on to... a Friend... wisconsin

ScottFromWI

Welcome back corrie. Doesn't matter if you've been here 1 time, 100 times or 1000 times - the solution is one in the same. We can help get you pointed in the right direction but only you can make the necessary change and take the necessary action to get things started.

I would suggest that since you've struggled for so long with this that participating in a structured program would be of great benefit. Doing it on your own will likely keep getting you the same results, don't you think?

corriec

Thank you, Ardy. I'm a male/Guy, which I suppose makes my situation different. But I still feel down, and low , and just ******, and just feeling like having 10 - or more - drinks. And if it kills me - so what??
But then - in a few days - after no drinking, I feel on top of the world...
I'm killing myself, I know it, but I just can't seem to stop...

biminiblue

I'm not sure I'm understanding what you're saying...you were sober for almost four months? In that time you and your wife were split up? Then you recently got back together and she is being (in your estimation) hard to get along with and so now you're drinking again? Is that the jist of it?

I'm a little confused, is all.

Regardless, putting down the drink is the only chance for you and your marriage. I think that's a safe statement.

ardy

my Dad was the same way.. if he just had a little he was in balance and then 2 lead to 5 to a case to a bottle and then he was a mean nasty mean drunk.. he passed away 19 years ago.. Mom misses him at times very much they were married just 50 years when he went... drink killed him and his body.. but the mean nasty person is gone... I am the oldest.. his wing man at times.. I am a little lady.. but he taught me everything a son would need to know.. Take care of the women he would say as we got ready for vac or trip or just out of town for a weekend.. if they are happy we are happy.. I remember a better Pop.. but then the drinking took hold of him and I learned to be the Marine he was training me for... I have never put on the uniform as someone over 18... but learned everything he taught the hard way...

kiddo do you love her so much to kill yourself and tear the life out o f her...

I have to ask.. for that is what Pop did to Mom.. he tore the life out of her..... sounds like your life is reversed... a friend..

ardy

I need a tissue....

biminiblue

((ardy))

Fusion

Corrie, you drank because of your wife’s words or actions. Really? Why did you ‘really’ drink?

ScottFromWI

Maybe it's time to get some real help from the outside if you can't stop on your own?

Stayingsassy

Hey Corrie. You had a good run. Get back up and on the horse: sobriety before marriage, always. I adore my husband but I’d leave him if he made it impossible to stay sober. Make sure you aren’t making others actions and words lead you astray, doesn’t really matter what wife says does it? Does she have to feel the shakes, the nausea and the regret? No, you do. You have to do YOU, and you only.

Back to it you go.

tomsteve

THAT is good to read.so, onto HOW we can help, which is only offer you suggestions, which those suggestions will only help if you WANT help.
do you WANT to stop drinking FOR GOOD?

Dee74

Hey Corrie
I wondered where you'd got to.

Drinking magnifies our despair. Take the leap of faith and stop drinking again and get your perspective back.

I really believe it's possible to remain sober in any situation and under any stress - you just need the right support and the right action plan.

First things first tho - step away from the bottle.
You can do this, man

D

calvinm16

We're all slowly dying, with alcohol it speeds up death exponentially.

Lets all slowly die like normal and stop drinking altogether.

Stayingsassy

Or: die quickly as it sometimes happens, but with dignity.

Sobriety for me: a restoration of dignity.

Hevyn

Corrie - I'm so glad you came back & talked about what's going on. Please be kind to yourself and don't go back down that road to nowhere. You have friends here who care - please keep posting.

Mizzuno

There has to be a ground that you stand with your sobriety that is unshakable. The behavior and actions of others has nothing to do with you. How you choose to process another's actions, words or behavior is completely in your hands.

I don't really know all that you are saying in your original post but I do know that putting down the alcohol is for the best. You can Get yourself back. It takes time as you know.

Obladi

Oh, my friend. I understand and am so sorry.

So glad you came here to post. So glad you care enough to reach out. This is a good and fine thing to do.

Keep trying and I'll be right here with you trying too. That's not a condition - it's a fact.

O

Hawkeye13

We are here for you corriec

we've had our relapses too
climb back on the wagon--plenty of room and good company friend

Mac4711

Hey Corrie,
What 's going on? Sorry to hear that things are not going well, but we need you here on the sober side.
Not sure what you are trying to accomplish - do you want to mend things with your wife? If so, it's been my own experience that drinking yourself to death doesn't impress women at all, so that's not the way forward.
Please put the bottle down and come back to us. What you are doing now is no way to live - you've got some sober time under your belt, you can do it again! Rooting for you, buddy!